Part One

"HOBSON! HOBSON! Where is he? I'm gonna wring his neck, then I'm gonna have his butt thrown in jail until he rots! HOBSON!"

Detective Marion "Zeke" Crumb had been one of Chicago's finest. He was retired now, working as a private detective. Crumb was in his 60's, with white hair and a slightly *plump* physique. He was coarse, gruff, grumpy, and cynical. He also had a soft heart but would deny it if anybody dared to make the suggestion. Today, he was furious. He had stormed into McGinty's in a rage to confront Gary Hobson. That kid was always messing things up.

"Good morning, Crumb." Marissa said calmly. Marissa had heard the shouting from inside the office and, recognizing the voice, went out to see what
Crumb wanted.

"Where is he? Wait'll I get my hands on him!" Crumb was still shouting.

"Detective," Marissa said quietly, "I may not be able to see, but my hearing is just fine."

"Sorry." Crumb lowered his voice - a little. "Where's Hobson? I gotta talk to him! He ruined my stakeout. He came running right into the middle of the
car lot waving his arms and telling people to look out. Just as I was startin' to close a deal with this fella I've been watching for 2 months. Hobson nearly ruined my cover when he yelled my name!"

With each sentence, Crumb's voice kept rising until he was shouting again.

"When I get my hands on that good-for-nuthin', interfering, dirty..."

"Detective Crumb! Don't you dare talk about my son that way!"

Crumb had been so angry, he didn't notice that Lois and Bernie Hobson had entered McGinty's soon after he did. Now, he turned and saw Lois looking at
him with fire in her eyes. Bernie was grinning.

"Did ole' Gar get under your skin again Crumb?" Bernie was enjoying Crumb's tirade.

Seeing he was outnumbered and probably wouldn't get any help (or sympathy) from Gary's allies, Crumb threw up his arms in disgust. Muttering darkly
about how some people just keep getting in the way, Crumb stalked out of McGinty's.

"Well," said Marissa, "I wonder what made him so angry?"

"Speaking of Gary, where is he?" asked Bernie.


Part Two

Gary Hobson, the guy who gets tomorrow's newspaper today, was coming down from his place above the bar when he heard his Dad ask for him.

"Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?" Gary asked.

"Oh Honey, we just decided to drive up for a visit." said Lois.

"Yeah Gar, Hickory was kinda quiet so your Mom and I thought we'd pop in and see how you were doing with the paper and McGinty's. What's the matter with Crumb? He seemed a little hot under the collar."

"A *little* hot under the collar? That's the understatement of the year!" said Marissa.

"Oh boy. Crumb was here?" Gary rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess he is a little sore at me, but what was I supposed to do? The paper said there was
gonna be trouble at that car lot and a private detective was gonna get hurt. I didn't know it was Crumb - not that that would have stopped me."

"Maybe we'd better sit down and you tell us what happened, Gary." suggested Lois.

"Well," Gary ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think how to tell Marissa and his parents why Crumb was so angry.

"Several weeks ago...."


Part Three

"Good morning, Chicago it's..." Gary rolled over and turned off the radio.

"Meow." Thump. With that familiar sound Gary crawled out of bed and walked over to the door mumbling.

"Don't you have anything better to do than ruin my life?" Gary complained as he picked up the paper.

"Meow." said Cat as he ran in and jumped on the couch.

"Meow. That's all you ever say." Gary closed the door and walked over to the kitchen. As he poured a cup of coffee, he looked through the paper, praying
he wouldn't find anything involving Crumb. For the past several weeks, he had been getting in Crumb's way, and Crumb wasn't too happy about it. First
he had gone to save an old lady from a purse snatcher. He got her a cab so she wouldn't have to walk and the story disappeared. Simple enough, right?
Wrong!! Crumb came out of nowhere and started yelling at him.

"HOBSON! What are you doing?"

"I...I...was jus..."

Crumb cut Gary off before he could explain.

"Don't give me none of that hebbe-gebbe, mumbo-jumbo of yours Hobson. You have got the worst timing to have your boy scout urges! What did you think
you were doing?"

Completely baffled by this strange encounter with Crumb, Gary finally managed to speak.

"What do you mean, what am I doing? What are you doing? And why are you so upset?"

"I have been trying, unsuccessfully, for weeks to catch that purse snatcher in the act. Every time I get close, something goes wrong, but this time I would have had him if it weren't for you! How is it you manage to find trouble everyday Hobson? When do you have time to work?"

"Crumb, if you know this guy is a purse snatcher, why don't you just go and arrest him?"

"I have to prove it first, Hobson." Crumb replied sarcastically.

"Oh, sorry."

"Ya, ya, ya, just don't help any more damsels in distress while I'm trying to catch a thief." Crumb stalked off and Gary was left shaking his head.


Part Four

"Well," said Lois, "I suppose Crumb had the right to be mad at you."

"Thanks, Mom" Gary replied sarcastically. "Anyway, a few days later the paper said a retired cop was going to be seriously hurt when part of an abandoned building collapsed. I was late because of another save but when I ran into the building to get to the cop, I broke up a drug deal in progress and scared the dealers off. I didn't know Crumb was the cop and I didn't know he was watching the deal go down so he could be a witness when the case went to trial. I got Crumb out of the building just as it fell and he still yelled at me for messing up his stakeout!"

"Gary, you couldn't have known that Crumb was on a job." Lois tried to comfort her son. "He shouldn't blame you for saving his life."

"Yeah, well, Mom, you don't know Crumb very well, do you?"

"Gar...maybe you should tell Crumb about the paper. I mean, you could be doing him a favor by telling him when the bad guys are going to strike. And, it wouldn't hurt you to have an ex-cop helping out sometimes."

"No way, Dad. There's no way I'm gonna tell Crumb about the paper."

"Tell me about what paper?" A much calmer Crumb had returned to McGinty's. "And, hey, what's a guy got to do to get a cup of coffee in this joint?"

"Vadim," called Gary. "Bring Detective Crumb some coffee..just bring some for the rest of us."

"Coming right up, Mr. H."

"Now, Mr. Houdini, what is it you don't want to tell me?" Crumb asked.

"Oh nuthin, Crumb. It's nothing important. Oh, good, here's the coffee. Thanks Vadim." Gary rubbed his hands together with nervous laughter as he
kept talking. "Say, Marissa, did I tell you I got a letter from Chuck the other day?" Gary was trying desperately to change the topic and distract Crumb. Unfortunately, Bernie either couldn't or wouldn't take the hint.

"Ah come on Gary. You need to tell Crumb how come you always manage to be around when he's in the middle of something."

"Bernie!"

"Dad!"


Part Five

Unnoticed by the group gathered at the table, Cat had been quietly watching all the excitement. Calmly, he got up, stretched and ambled over to the table. He brushed against Marissa as he jumped onto Crumb's lap.

"Hey kitty," said Crumb. "How ya doing?" Crumb scratched Cat behind the ears as the animal settled comfortably into the ample lap. Cat positioned himself
so he could watch Gary.   The assembled group got quiet. Lois & Bernie looked at Gary.

Marissa said quietly:  "Gary, what's going on?"

Gary looked at Cat for a long time, then sighing deeply, said:

"I guess Cat wants me to tell Crumb about the paper."

"What paper? What do you want to tell me? Why are all of you acting so strange? Oh no -- don't tell me! You all get those hebbe gebbe feelings, right? Well, don't talk to me about it. You're all crazy and I'm not gonna get involved! I work with facts, cold, hard facts. Not feelings!"

"Ah Crumb, will you just be quiet. You're always yelling at me for showing up and then telling me you don't want to know why I know what I know. Now, do you want me to tell you or not?"

Crumb looked at Gary as he tried to understand what Gary just said. Cat gave a soft meow.

"Ok, Hobson, what's the big mystery secret? Go ahead, wonder boy, tell me. But I don't have to believe you." Crumb had the distinct feeling he was about to be the butt of a joke and he was wary.

Gary paused nervously as he tried to gather his thoughts. He had always tried so hard to keep this secret that when he did decide to reveal this side of his life, he had trouble finding the words to use. He laughed a shaky laugh, then plunged in.

"W...w...well...sev...several years ago, right after Marcia kicked me out, I was staying at the Blackstone Hotel..."


Part Six

"And that's why I keep showing up in the right place at the right time."

Five heads turned to look at Crumb, 4 pairs of eyes watched him. Marissa leaned toward him, all her senses tuned to his reaction.

"You mean to tell me that the paper gives you advanced warning before something happens?"

"Yeah."

"Hobson! Just who do you think you're talking to? I ain't some wet-behind-the-ears, gullible flatfoot cop. I've heard all kinds of excuses over the years, but yours ranks right up there with the sightings of UFOs and the voices that talk from the wastebasket or refrigerator! This ain't April Fool's Day and I'm not buying that load of garbage."

"Crumb, I'm telling you the truth. Here, look at the paper. Check the sports section. Now, check the TV, the sports scores are on."

"Ok wise guy, so you've got some kind of trick paper here. It's no big deal to paste up a phony paper." Crumb was determined not to fall for the joke.

"So how do you explain how I keep showing up for your stakeouts?"

Crumb thought about this for several minutes. He looked at the earnest faces at the table (and in his lap!). He looked at the paper again, then the TV. If they were in on a joke, they sure were serious.

"Do Armstrong or Brigatti know about this?"

"No, and you can't tell them...ever."  There was an edge of panic in Gary's voice. "This paper is powerful and not something to mess with."

"Does anyone on the force know about this?"

"No."

Crumb's face broke into a huge grin. He rubbed his hands together and chortled.

"With advanced notice, I can bag the bad guys before the cops get there. It'll drive 'em nuts! Ok, Hobson, where do we start?"

"Crumb! This is a serious tool. It's not something to play around with. I'm not gonna give you ball scores, or race results, or, or, stock tips."

"Money? Is that all you're worried about? I don't need money. I want to show Armstrong and Brigatti and the rest of those young pups on the force that ole' Crumb's still got the touch."

"Oh boy," said Gary, Marissa and Lois in unison.

"Meow."

Bernie had watched in silence long enough. He broke into a huge grin, and, slapping Gary on the back said, "See, I told you you should tell him. It never hurts to have a posse on your side. I'll even pop in once and a while to give you guys a hand. Hey, I'm hungry. Let's go get some gnocchi."

Lois, Marissa and Crumb looked at Bernie like he was crazy and Gary just moaned, rubbed the back of his neck and wondered what he had let himself in for.

Only tomorrow would tell....

THE END 

Email the author:   amy_russell_55@hotmail.com
 

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