Before the actual story, I'd just like to make a couple of acknowledgements and a comment.

You may notice some similarities between this story and Shana's recent story "Wishes from the Heart". I myself noticed them and was in quandry over whether or not to post this story. After a discussion with Shana I decided to post it, and to just make people aware that I started this story and had written the majority of this before Shana's was posted.

Right, I'd like to say thankyou to Pammie and Measer for their input, and a huge thank you and rigerous applause to our fab listmum Mary for beta reading this, and giving me such great advice!

So, enough talk,
Enjoy!

- Becky [/Diana]
"I don't see why everyone depends on me. I'm not dependable. Even I don't depend on me, and I'm me."'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jewel of the Heart
by Becky Thomson

******************
"In the memory you'll find me.
Eyes burning up.
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up"
- Linkin Park

******************

    He grabbed the little girl's hand. Not a moment too soon either - in another second she
would have been over the side of the bridge and dead onthe road below. The girl looked at
him, her eyes wide and filled with fear. She began to shake as he pulled her further onto
the bridge. Not fearful of him, but of what could have happened to her. He kept hold of
her until a woman came running over  and scooped the child up in her arms. The trembling
girl started crying, and the woman held her tightly, looking at him with an amazingly
thankful look on her face, mouthing 'thank you' at him repeatedly. The girl sobbed in the
woman's arms, crying 'mommy' repeatedly. Her mother smiled at Gary, and then walked
across the rest of the bridge, leaving him alone there.

    Gary Hobson leant against the side of the bridge, managing to feel satisfied that he had
saved that little girl. It felt better than many saves, as he hadn't been lynched by the child's
mother.

    He pulled the paper out of his back pocket, and confirmed his hopes that that had been
his last save for the day. He walked off in the opposite direction to the girl and her mother,
back home to McGinty's.

    About six blocks from home, Gary stopped to cross the street. As he waited for the
traffic to settle, his eyes fell on the driver of the car nearest to him. It couldn't be who he
thought it was..but yes, it was. What was she doing here? He hadn't seen her for God
knows how long, and he didn't *want* to see her again. So he cursed himself for the fact
that he couldn't take his eyes off her. He prayed she wouldn't look his way. Thankfully she
seemed too absorbed in whatever song was playing on her radio to look around. Gary
shook his head to snap himself out of his staring, only to realise that he could cross over.
He took one last look at her, and did what he was there to do.

******************

    Gary opened the door to McGinty's to be greeted by the familiar smells and bustling
conversation. It was closing into evening now, and as Gary walked into the office, he
heaved a yawn. Marissa was sitting at her desk, a pile of papers out in front of her. Upon
hearing Gary's entrance she swivelled around to face the door.

"Hey Gary." "Hey Marissa"

She smiled, half sympathetically, half questioningly. "Hard day?"

Gary sank down into one of the desk chairs. "No, no not really."

"You sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. I oughta be getting out into the bar for a while. So if you'll excuse me."

Gary got up from the chair, making his way to the door, but Marissa stopped him before
he got there.

"Are you sure you want to Gary? You sound pretty tired. I can handle it down

here tonight if you want to go upstairs."

He lingered in the doorway for a few moments before replying. He probably wouldn't be
much use to her tonight anyway.

"Yeah, I-I think I will actually Marissa. Thanks."

Gary changed his direction, now heading towards the doorway leading to his loft. As he
climbed the stairs he became more and more thankful that Marissa had told him to go
upstairs. He needed some time alone to think. Or to avoid thinking. He wasn't sure which.

    He opened the door to the loft, and sank down onto his couch. It was rather dark in
there now, but he didn't turn on the lights. They would have been too bright and
overpowering for him at the moment. So he sat there for a few moments in his darkening
loft, before getting off of the couch and walking over to the kitchen, and opening one of
the cupboards. He took out a handful of candles and a box of matches, and walked back
over to the couch.

    Gary set the candles on a table, and slid the box of matches open. He only kept the
candles in case the power went out, but he felt they were much better than the overhead
lights tonight.

    Match in hand, Gary lit the candles one by one, then blew out the match. He leaned
back and ran his fingers through his hair. He started thinking about her again, but then
reprimanded himself for doing so. She had her own life now, and Gary didn't want
anything to do with it, or with her any longer. He knew he still had some feelings for his
ex-wife, even if they weren't romantic ones anymore. They were more memories of
feelings really, because he knew she didn't love him, and so his own feelings had faded
from the blinding light inside him that they used to be. But some voice inside him
whispered quietly. Gary tried to ignore it - he tried desperately. He stared into the flames
of the candles, particularly the one directly opposite him. He stared into it until he could
see his own reflection in the fire. He saw that there were heavy shadows under his eyes,
coming from lack of sleep. But he also saw that his eyes were starting to grow red. It was
the memory of something. Seeing Marcia brought it back, even though Gary didn't want to
remember it. He knew it was futile. He could already see an image forming in his mind. He
attempted to push it away, and for a while he succeeded.

******************
"I can't remember where or when or how,
But I banished every memory you
and I had ever made"
- Celine Dion

******************

    Gary awoke the next morning to the annoyingly chirpy voice of Elaine Brent, the
woman whom many considered to be the most irritating on radio. Gary reached out for
the radio so he could rid himself of her. It took him three tries to hit it before he realised
that he wasn't in his bed, but on the couch.

    Sleepily he shook his head, to try and gain some more awareness. After shaking it a
couple more times, he realised that he had his right hand on something smooth. He turned
towards it. It was a glass bottle. On closer inspection, it was a beer bottle. Gary was
puzzled. He couldn't remember drinking any beer the previous evening. Looking around,
he spotted a few more bottles, and he managed to count up the full six that he knew had
been in his fridge. So he obviously had been drinking, he realised.

    Slowly, Gary pulled himself off the couch, and drudged over to his bedside table. Upon
reaching it, he hit the clock radio, slapping Elaine's voice away. He then sat down on the
bed. It was just a brief moment before he heard the familiar slap and meow. Gary sighed.
He really really didn't want to have to deal with the paper right now. He stayed on the bed
for a few more minutes, but the cat kept meowing. To shut it up and save his head from a
headache even worse than the one that was creeping up on him, Gary went to fetch the
paper. He shut the door with a great deal of care after the cat waltzed in, and he had the
paper in his hand. But Gary didn't start reading it. He put it on the kitchen worktop
instead, and returned back to the couch. He wanted to work out why he had been
drinking. Gary knew himself, and he knew that he rarely ever drank six bottles in a row.
Those six would normally have lasted him a couple of weeks. He couldn't think what
could have made him want to. It wasn't like it was a big thing, but he knew it wasn't like
him.

    He tried to recall everything he did yesterday. Had he had an argument with Marissa, or
had a rescue gone wrong and got him into trouble? He didn't think so. He could remember
a few rescues. A few disgruntled rescuees, but nothing particularly out of the ordinary.
Maybe it was nothing. It probably was, now he thought about it. He rubbed some sleep
out of his eyes and walked into the bathroom, hoping that a shower would help him clear
his head.

*********

    Gary walked into the bar not that much later. He found Marissa behind the bar. She
heard him enter, and turned in his direction.

"Morning Gary."

Gary went over to her, and sat down on a bar stool.

"Morning Marissa."

Marissa raised an eyebrow. "Are you alright Gary? You sound pretty rough. Didn't you
get a lot of sleep last night?"

Gary sighed. He wondered how much he should tell her, and whether or not it would
matter. Marissa would work out that something was on his mind. She always did.

"Gary?"

"Well in all honesty Marissa, I have no idea how much sleep I got last night."

"Erm, what do you mean Gary?" she asked him, sounding puzzled

"Well I can't actually remember a lot about last night."

"What?"

"Well I woke up on the couch this morning, and it looked like I'd finished off a few
beers.."

"How many's a few?"

He hesitated for a moment. "At least six. Maybe more if I came downstairs." There was
another moment's silence, as he looked at his hands. "I know it's not really a big deal, but
-"

She finished his sentence off for him. "It's not like you. Did something upset you
yesterday?"

"Not that I can remember."

"I can't say that you seemed upset when you came in last night, just tired."

"Well you'd be a better judge of it than me right now." He cleared his throat. "But I should
probably start thinking about the paper ."

"Probably. So what's in it today?"

Gary reached into his back pocket for the paper, and then he remembered that it was still
on his kitchen worktop.

"Ah, it's still upstairs. I-I'll be right back Marissa."

**

    Gary opened the door to his loft, and when he walked over to where he thought he'd
left the paper, he found it wasn't there. A meow from the cat drew his attention to his
nightstand and an open drawer. He was puzzled, and slightly annoyed. What was the damn
cat playing at? He went over and put his hand in to retrieve the paper, and when he picked
it up and unfolded it, something fell out from between the pages. Gary bent down to pick
the object up, and when he saw what it was, he sat straight down onto his bed. It was his
wedding band.

    Was the cat trying to bring him to this? Why? Then it came to him. Waiting to cross the
road the day before, and seeing Marcia in her car. Gary put the ring straight back into the
drawer, and shut it tight.

    It wasn't thinking about Marcia that provoked such a strong reaction in him; for some
reason Gary knew that. But he didn't know what it was. Either that, or he was trying not
to know.

 ******************
Far away, long ago, glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know,
Things it yearns to remember
- Liz Callaway  (Lynn Aherns)

******************

    Gary must have sat there on his bed, staring into space for five minutes before he heard
the door open behind him. He didn't turn around, not even when he heard Marissa call
him.

"I-I'm over here."

He felt Marissa come nearer to him and sit down beside him.

"Gary, what is it? What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "I don't know Marissa. I don't know."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. And I haven't got time to think about it now. I've got to take care of the
paper."

Before Marissa had time to protest, Gary had left the loft, and she was sitting there alone.

****

    He shut the loft door behind him that evening, and leant against it for a moment. The
paper had given him a fairly easy day, as easy as a day with the paper could be, and he was
grateful for it. He moved away from the door and slipped his jacket off, throwing it over
the back of a chair. He went and pulled himself a soda out of his fridge. As he slumped
down onto the couch, he noticed something on the other end of the table, glinting under
the room's light. He bent over, setting the soda can on the table, and picked the object up
in his hand.

    It was a fine gold chain, with a heart-shaped locket. This was adorned with several
green stones. Emeralds by the look of them. Gary held it in the palm of his hand, letting
the chain fall over the top of his hand and onto the back. It looked so familiar. He was
sure he had seen it before. But where had he seen it before? He wasn't sure, and he
wondered how it had got into his loft. Someone downstairs would have noticed someone
coming up into the loft, and no-one had said anything about it.

    The cat. It had to be. A meow came from next to Gary's foot, and he stared down at the
cat.

"What are you playing at? What is this?"

The cat just stared at him. Gary held the necklace higher up, so he could see it better, and
he fingered the tiny emeralds. They, along with the rest of the locket, were familiar to
touch, just as it was to look at. Gary wondered who this belonged to, and where she was
now.

   Right then Gary's eyes widened, and he was sure that he stopped breathing for a
moment. He realised that he knew who owned the locket, he knew where it had come
from. He also knew that he didn't want to think about it. But this time he couldn't stop it.

******************
"In this book, which is my memory,
On the page which is the day when I first met you,
Appear the words "Here begins a new life"

******************

    Gary sighed. It was going to be tough. He'd been with her for so long, that in some
stupid way, he'd believed that they'd be together forever. The sort of thoughts that
everyone has with their first serious relationship. He'd seen a future for him and Genie.
But apparently that wasn't going to happen. According to Genie they 'wanted different
things' and a future together would be difficult. Gary wasn't the type to get angry at
people, but the very reason that he was at this college was so that he and Genie could be
together. Now they weren't together, and he was going to keep seeing her around campus.
What was left for him there? Not a lot, as far as he could see. The thought of transferring
to a different college had crossed his mind. He'd mentioned this to his room mate Chuck,
and he'd said that that would just be giving in to what she wanted, and what was the point
in that? Gary had to admit that he had a point. Though Genie would be around, he
*could* make a fresh start here. But did he want to? He still cared for Genie, and he knew
that he did. He sighed again. It hurt. The wound of the rejection was still relatively new,
and he wondered if that was why he was pondering his future, so he could avoid having to
deal with his feelings.

    Gary stood up and picked up his jacket. The springs on the bed sighed slightly as he
stood up. He shrugged his jacket on and headed out of his room. Some fresh air might do
him good. Help him to clear his head.

**********

    The cool air hit him as soon as he was outside, like someone had just thrown a bucket
of water in his face. Gary took a deep breath and filled his lungs with it. He looked around
him; at all the people mixing around. They must all have been hurt, all have problems too.
Probably some of them were in the same situation as him. Some would have wondered
whether this was the right place for them, and whether they'd find their own little spot in
college life. But by the looks of them, they all had. Maybe he could too. Maybe he just
needed to take that step. He meant both physically and mentally, and Gary knew there was
no time like the present. He took a step forward. And walked smack into someone.

"Watch where you're going, moron!"

Gary shook his head slightly and realised what he had just done. He looked at the girl he'd
just walked into, and then at all of her books, files and papers which were strewn all over
the ground, some blowing around on the nearby grass. In an instant he was down on his
knees gathering them up. Gary picked up a textbook, only to have it snatched out of his
hand the second later.

"Give me that!"  She looked at the small stack of papers that Gary had collected off the
ground. and snatched them too, just as a small group of girls walked around them,
giggling behind their hands.

"And those as well! What do you think you're doing?"

Gary stared at the girl. "I'm I'm really sorry.I was only trying to help."

She made a noise which was half way between a sigh and a snort. "Don't you think you've
helped enough?"

The girl grabbed the last book off Gary and then marched off in the opposite direction, her
long blonde plait swaying furiously.

"Whoa. Talk about a temper. If she was walking with any more attitude her jeans would
catch fire from the friction."

Still crouched on the floor, Gary looked over his shoulder to see Chuck standing there
with a pretty redhead.

"No kidding. I suppose she was justified though. It was my fault."

The redhead smiled and offered Gary her hand which he took to get to his feet.

"Oh don't mind her. She's in a bad mood today for some reason. Oh, my name's Jenny,
she's my room mate."

She extended her hand which he shook and smiled back.

"Glad to meet you." Gary looked at Chuck and raised an eyebrow. Chuck just smiled. "I'm
Gary."

"Chuck's roommate, I know. He told me about you."

"Nothing bad I hope."

Jenny chuckled. "Not that I can remember."

"So where are you two off?"

"We're just going off to get a drink." Chuck told him. "You want to come?"

He thought it over for about a second. He was looking for a fresh start wasn't he? He
looked at Jenny and Chuck. Didn't that usually involve new people?

"Sure"

*********

    Several weeks passed, during which Gary spent more and more time with Jenny and
Chuck. A deep friendship was starting to form between the three of them. And despite
Chuck's casual flirting, it was clear to all of them that both he and Gary regarded Jenny as
a friend. Gary was beginning to feel that he was getting that fresh start that he wanted.
He'd seen Genie a few times around campus, and he'd manage to regain his composure.
He hadn't gone out of his way to talk to her, but he'd managed to look her in the eye
without doing anything stupid.

    Gary pulled on his jacket and made his way to Jenny's room. Chuck was busy that
evening, so he and Jenny had made plans to go and catch a movie. When he got there he
gently knocked on the door, which after a few moments, was answered. But it wasn't
Jenny that answered. It was another girl, with short blonde hair, tinted with red. She
looked awfully familiar, though Gary couldn't place her.

    For a few moments Gary and this girl stared at each other in silence. From the look on
her face, it was clear that she remembered him as well, and was trying to remember where
from. Then her confused expression changed, and she smiled slightly.

"Hi. You must be here for Jenny?"

Gary nodded in reply

 "She told me that someone was going to be coming for her. She's not back yet though.
You want to come in and wait? "

"Sure."

    The girl stepped out of the doorway to let Gary in. She shut the door behind him, and
went to sit down in a large green arm chair. She gestured at Gary to sit down.

"So you're one of Jenny's friends that she keeps going on about?"

"I guess so. I'm Gary by the way."

The girl smiled. "I'm Lorraine. But I've never been particularly fond of it. Most people call
me Lorri."

"Well it's good to meet you. Though I'm sure I already have done."

"Yes, I was thinking that. But I can't think from where."

    A silence fell between them, but it was quickly broken by the door opening. A flash of
red let Gary know that Jenny was back. She came around the corner, and smiled.

"Hi guys." She then smacked her forehead with her palm. "Oh Gary! I should have let you
know! I can't make the movie tonight. I wish I could, but I've just got too much work on.
I'm really sorry."

Jenny bit on her bottom lip. She looked so sorry. Gary smiled and shook his head.

"Don't worry about it Jen. It's alright."

"I just feel so bad about it Gary."

"Oh don't. It doesn't matter."

Gary got off the chair, and headed for the door, but Jenny called out and stopped him.

"Hey wait a minute Gary. Lorri, you're not doing anything tonight are you?"

She shook her head. "No, why?"

"Well why don't you two go and see the movie? Then you've got something to do tonight
Lor. No-one loses out."

Lorraine tilted her head sideways and looked from Jenny to Gary and smiled.

"Sure. It sounds good to me. What about you Gary?"

"I guess so." He turned to Lorri. "You ready to go now?"

"Yup. Just let me get my jacket."

*********

"No way! You have to be kidding me!"

Lorri laughed. "I'm deadly serious! That was so much better than the original!"

"Sequels aren't ever as good as the original!"

Lorri just smiled.

"They're not!"

"If you say so."

They walked in the moonlight silently for a minute, until Gary's foot got caught on a loose
paving slab, which sent him flying. Lorri rushed over.

"Gary, are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

He looked up from his position on all fours to see Lorri standing above him.He looked at
her for a moment and then he had a picture in his mind of a girl with a long blonde plait,
and Jenny saying "She's my room mate."

  Gary got to his feet, and stared at Lorri.

"Gary?"

"I know where I know you from!"

Lorri studied his face, and a knowing look spread over hers.

"You walked into me outside your dorm building."

He took a step back from where he was standing. "Still *very* sorry for that by the way."

Lorri put on a sheepish look. "No, don't apologise. It should be me apologising to you. I
was so rude to you, and I had no right to be. I was having a bad day, and I took it out on
you. I'm sorry."

"Hey, that's alright. And I promise you I'm not always this clumsy."

She smiled meekly.

"And I like the new hairstyle."

"Oh thanks." She ran her fingers through it. "I figured that I needed a change. New hair to
go with my new life here. I wanted a fresh start."

As she said this, their eyes met.

"I know how you feel."

"You want to put all the things that might have happened to you before behind you. Start
over."

Gary nodded, surprised that Lorri was coming out with some of the things he had been
telling himself only a few weeks earlier.

"Well, I think the two of us can start over. Be friends."

Lori smiled brightly and nodded. "I'd like that. Like they say, a fresh start normally
involves new people."

******************
"Maybe one time lost,  but now you're found."
- Lene Marlin

******************

    From then on the threesome of Gary, Chuck and Jenny became four. Jenny and Chuck
quickly accepted Lorri into their group, but they never seemed to spend as much time with
her as Gary did. Both Gary and Lorri wanted to make up for rude or clumsy behaviour
towards the other, and aside from this, they found that they both enjoyed each other's
company.

**
There was a pounding on the door, and Gary rolled over in his bed. The knocking
persisted, and he threw back his covers and headed towards the door rubbing his eyes, and
walking to something of Chuck's which was large and heavy on the way. He looked down
and saw a box containing Chuck's empty aquarium. Gary was learning to feel sorry for any
fish in Chuck's care.     Cursing under his breath, Gary opened the door to then be jumped
on by Lorri.

"Whoa girl!"

Lorri raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Don't tell me you're coming like that?"

Gary blinked a couple of times. "Coming where?"

"It's Saturday?" This was received with a blank look

"You, me, Jenny and Chuck? Breakfast? The same as every Saturday morning? Oh come
*on* Gary!"

He yawned. "I set my alarm."

She leaned across the doorway. "I know. Chuck told me. It always wakes him up."

"Well why didn't he wake me?"

"He did. Don't worry about it, just get ready now. You've got two minutes Gary Hobson."

She smiled and pushed him towards his closet.

**

    After breakfast at a nearby diner, which contained many repeated apologies to the
others, Chuck and Jenny headed off to the movies, having said that they wanted to go and
watch some weird film that Gary and Lorri just weren't interested in. The remaining two
sat in their booth in the diner, and contemplated how to spend their Saturday.

"You know, I honestly don't know where those two get their taste in movies from."

Gary laughed. "I'm saying nothing."

"Oh you wouldn't."

"What do you mean by that exactly?"

"Oh nothing."

"Come *on*  Lorri."

"I just mean you're too nice to say anything horrible about anyone, that's all."

Gary coughed slightly and blushed. Lorri laughed.

"So you want to head off now? We don't really want to stay in here all day do we?"

"No. That would kinda be a waste of a day."

"You want to go for a walk or something?"

He nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good."

    They stepped out of their booth and walked out of the diner, and further into another
day spent together in friendship.

*****

    The two of them kept on walking throughout the day, all over Chicago. The moon was
full and shining brightly when they finally headed back to campus. They were walking
down a quiet street when the silence was broken by a sigh from Lorri. Gary turned to face
her.

"What's up?"

"Huh? Oh nothing. I was just thinking about how much I enjoyed today."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I really did. It was nice. Different from our other Saturdays."

"Yeah, I suppose it was. I think the fact that we managed to escape another extremely
weird movie was an improvement."

She laughed. "I'm sure they'll get better taste as they're older." She paused for a moment.
"But I really enjoyed just the two of us spending time together. You know what I mean?"

The two of them stopped walking. "I suppose I do."

Lorri looked at him. "Maybe it's just a day for learning things about ourselves. I mean, just
look at that sky. All the stars, the moon. I know I sound like a hopeless romantic, and I
know this just sounds like something out of a movie, of course not the sort that Jenny
watches, but it just seems like the sort of night when anything could happen."

    Gary took a step towards her. "I don't think that's stupid. I think you've got a point you
know. I mean, they've got to base the movies off something haven't they? There's got to be
something about this sort of night that makes it appear in so many movies."

    He was surprised at himself. It didn't really sound like something he'd normally say, but
he thought it had some sort of truth in it.

"Gary?"

"Yeah?"

"You know the night we met for the second time? When I told you about my wanting a
fresh start, you told me that you knew what I meant. Why did you say that?"

This girl had one hell of a memory. He sighed. "Because I was after a fresh start myself. "

Lorri gained a quizzical look that was silently pleading with him to expand.

"I came to this college because it was where my high school girlfriend wanted to go.  I-I
thought we had a future together. But when we got here, she-she told me that it was over.
So I was after a fresh start to get on with my life."

Lorri looked at him sympathetically. "Oh Gary."

"So what about you? O-only if you want to tell me of course."

"It's alright. It sounds quite similar to yours actually. Rough break up with my long term
boyfriend only shortly before I got here. I loved him a great deal. When I got here I was
still upset, and I was rude to everyone. I didn't think I could love anyone again, or like
anyone. I guess you could say we're two of a kind in some ways, couldn't you?"

    Gary looked at her. The moonlight was shining on her red highlights, and the amber of
the street lamps reflected in her eyes. He leant in towards her, kissed her gently, resting his
hand against her left cheek. Then he backed away, his eyes wide.

"I-I-I-I'm so sorry..I-I shouldn't have done that."

She just stood there silently for a moment, staring at him. Gary kept muttering apologies
quietly, but Lorri shook her head and smiled. She reached out and took his hand.

"No, don't be sorry. I said it myself. Maybe today's just a day for learning things about
ourselves."

She squeezed his hand, and a smile spread over his face. "Do you think maybe this could
be what we were looking for?"

"Our fresh start?" Lorri asked. "Possibly. We'll just have to see what comes of it won't
we?"

******************
"There's just no rhyme or reason,
Only a sense of completion.
And in your eyes I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for."
- Savage Garden

******************

    Chuck's face when Gary told him about him and Lorri had been a classic. Surprised
could be one way of describing it. He couldn't believe that Gary was getting into a
relationship so soon after his break up with Genie. It wasn't the sort of the thing that he
expected of Gary. Of himself, yes, Gary, no. Still he seemed happy for them. You only had
to look at Gary's face to see that he was happy, and Chuck liked Lorri. Jenny was a little
less surprised. Gary got the idea that she had some sort of an inkling that something was
going to happen between the two of them. But when Gary said this to her, she just smiled
sweetly and wouldn't say anything more about it.

    The more and more time that Gary and Lorri spent together, the more inseparable they
became, and although neither of them was very sure what would become of their
relationship in the beginning, as the weeks and months went by, they became very much in
love with each other. It seemed that the fresh starts that they had both wanted had been
granted to them. They both found love and companionship with each other, and they still
had their two great friends. Gary realised fairly quickly that though he had loved Genie, he
loved Lorri on a completely different level. But he wasn't going to let himself get swept
away with thoughts of a future with Lorri as he had done with Genie. If it happened, it
happened, but for now Gary was happy spending time with her. It was enough.

******************

    Lorri lay in Gary's arms. The two of them just lay on Gary's bed in the quiet. Gently she
shifted her weight, and Gary smiled down at her.

"Can you think of something that can beat this?" she asked him with the sun shining on her
face from the window.

"Not off the top of my head, no."

"So, erm, are we going anywhere special tonight?"

"No Lorri, I haven't forgotten about your party," he said, his face painted with amusement.

She giggled. "Just checking. But Gary?"

"Yes?"

"Please, please, please could you let me have my present now? You've been so secret
about it, and I can't take it anymore!"

"Hmm..I don't know."

"Please?"  She rolled over so she was leaning over him, and batted her eyelashes
dramatically.

"How can I say no to you?"

They both sat up, and Lorri grinned like a child. Gary laughed.

"You should look at the grin on your face!"

"Yes, but you love me for it."

    Gary reached in the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a fairly small rectangular
box and an envelope.  He passed her the box first, and she started unwrapping it like a
child on Christmas morning. When she got into it, she opened the box to find a gold locket
there. Heart-shaped, studded with several small green stones.

"Happy birthday honey."

"Gary? Are these emeralds?"

He nodded.

"It's beautiful, but-but how on earth can you afford this?"

"That's my little secret. I've got connections you know."

She smiled. "Never question the connections huh?"

"That's right." He watched Lorri trying to fasten it around her neck, and he moved over to
help her.

"Here, let me."

Gary gently fastened the clasp on the chain, and moved back.

"It looks wonderful on you. I knew it would."

Lorri looked at him, still smiling happily, and her eyes fell on the envelope on the bed.

"Can I open that?"

"Sure." Gary said, handing it to her. He watched her sliding her finger under the seal, and
pulling out a card, and something else with it. Gary looked on anxiously as she read it, and
was relieved when she looked up and smiled at him.

"I know you've always wanted to try it, and my Dad knows a couple of people who own
an indoor centre, so I managed to pull a few strings."

Lorri dove across Gary's bed to throw her arms around him.

"I can't believe you remembered! I must have only mentioned it once or twice."

She clutched the gift certificate in her hand. "I can't believe we're going to go rock
climbing Gary! You're right, I have always wanted to try it. I assume you're going to as
well?"

Gary smiled. "Of course. I wouldn't miss this for the world."

    The two of them gazed lovingly at each other for a moment, and then they settled back
to their original positions; Lorri laying in Gary's arms. He gently stroked her hair as they
lay there.

"Gary?"

"Mmm?"

"You know how much I love you, don't you?"

"I think so," he said teasingly.

"I'm serious Gary. You've been the change for me, and I never want to be without you,
even after we leave college." she smiled sweetly. "Let's make a promise Gary. Not that
we'll get married or anything like that, but let's promise that we won't ever forget each
other if we're forced apart. Let's always keep our love alive. What do you think?"

He was quiet for a moment before giving her his opinion.

"I love it. It's beautiful"

Lorri exhaled. She'd obviously been holding her breath.

"I'm glad. I'm so glad. I thought.."

Gary placed his finger on her lips. "It's alright. Don't worry about what I could have said. I
didn't."

******************
"Big applause from the crowds out there;
Watching our hearts hang in the air.
No strings and no fears keeps our love suspended up here
And though we could lose our balance and fall -
But a heart that don't dance ain't a real heart at all"
- Ilse De Lange
******************

She pulled Gary through the car park at full speed.

"Come on Gary! Come on!"

>From the other end of her arm, Gary called out to her. "I know you're excited, but do
you really have to wrench my arm off? They'll wait for us you know."

Lorri looked back at him. "Yes I know. I'm sorry, but I'm just looking forward to this so
much!"

    Gary looked at her grinning at him as she stopped running and allowed Gary to walk
with her, rather than dragging him along behind. The two of them were finally going to
make use of the rock climbing vouchers that Gary had given Lorri for her birthday.

    They walked up to the doors, and Lori was still grinning ecstatically. Gary was happy as
well. He'd never really thought about trying this, but he thought it could be quite
interesting. But as they walked through the doors, Gary raised an eyebrow. The whole
place looked a bit shabby. Lorri didn't seem to notice, but for a moment, he felt unsure
about the whole thing. But he couldn't bring himself to say so. She'd been looking forward
to this ever since he'd given her the voucher. He shrugged off his concerns. They were
probably just nerves.

    Gary felt Lorri poke him gently in the ribs, and he looked around to see a middle aged
man smiling at him. Gary returned the smile. He obviously must have missed something

"Hi there, I'm Mark, I'm going to be your instructor for this afternoon."

"Great."

"Are you ready?"

Both Gary and Lorri nodded, and Mark ushered them into a large hall. Two of the walls
were rock climbing walls, and Gary and Lorri put their bags down next to the door. Mark
started giving the two of them a lecture about safety, and their equipment. After that, he
gave them instructions on the best way to climb. It was quite a while before the two of
them actually got onto the wall.

    They were about half way up, and it was clear Lorri was enjoying it. Gary wasn't
enjoying it as much as he thought he would have. He kept eyeing the equipment.
Something about it was making him feel uncomfortable. It looked like it was fairly well
broken in. But Gary wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. Lorri had
mentioned how uncomfortable her harness was. She said it didn't feel right on her. From
further over Gary heard Lorri call out to him.

"Isn't this amazing Gary? I'm so glad that you thought of this."

He looked over at her and smiled, but he had a heavy feeling within him. Sorry that he
couldn't share in that complete happiness. From her position on the far side of the wall,
she called out to Mark who was in between the two of them.

"I want to see how high I can go OK Mark?"

Mark looked over to her. "Alright, just take it slowly Lorri."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid."

Gary watched her scale the wall a lot faster than he could have done. He wanted to take it
slowly. Lorri's slow was a lot faster than he would have liked it to be.     She was close to
the very top of the wall, and she was talking to herself about how brilliant it was. But Gary
wasn't really listening to that. He was listening to another noise, but he wasn't sure where
it was coming from.

"Mark?"

He turned his head to Gary. "What's up?"

"Can you hear that?"

"What?"

"That noise.like material tearing or something...I don't know, maybe I'm just being
paranoid."

Mark shook his head. "I can't hear anything Gary, but I'll get us off anyway, just to make
sure."

"Hey Mark?" Lorri called out from higher up. "Can you hear that noise?"

"Gary just mentioned it to me. We're going to get off the wall alright? Can you make your
way down the wall?"

"Sure that's fine Mark. That noise is starting to freak me out anyway. It's getting louder
you know."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It sounds like the ropes or something."

"What?"

Mark's voice sounded highly concerned, and he shouted at Lorri to get off the wall as
quickly and safely as she could. Gary knew what she meant, the sound, though not really
loud was growing in volume. Gary was really starting to worry.

Then it happened.

    Lorri was getting further down the wall. She was almost above them, when the noise
stopped.

"Mark! It's the ropes!"

Mark looked petrified, but that was nothing to what Gary was feeling inside.

But then it grew even worse. Gary's eyes were fixed on the part of the rope close to Lorri.
It was tearing. He watched it as tore, and fell apart.

"LORRI!"

Gary watched her with tears in his eyes as she fell, and the part of her rope lay dangling off
Mark. Gary remembered her saying that her harness didn 't feel right on her, but all he
wanted to do was to get down to her. But his body was frozen. Mark yelled at him as
Gary stared at her still body below them.

    He didn't know how they got down to her, but somehow they did. He didn't remember
much about what happened, but he could vividly remember images and feelings.

Her body, still.

The feel of her hand in his.

The pounding of his heart as it threw itself around in his chest.

The smell of the antiseptic in the hospital.

The shouting from the ER, the bustle..urgency apparent.

The sting of tears in his eyes when they told him...

******************
"Everything falls apart,
Even the people who never frown eventually break down"
- Linkin Park

******************

    Gary sat there, holding her hand and stroking her hair. It couldn't be, it just couldn't. It
wasn't right. He wasn't going to let go of her hand; let go of her. Maybe, just maybe, it
could bring her back. It wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't her fault. Lorri had never
done anything to deserve this.

    He felt yet more tears run over his cheeks. A steady flow. He cupped both of his hands
around one of hers, and held it to his face. He couldn't bear to see her like this. So still. If
Gary hadn't know, he could have sworn she was only asleep. Maybe he was the one who
was asleep, maybe he'd wake up, and it would turn out to just be a nightmare. It'd be
Saturday, and Lorri would be banging on his door, telling him off for oversleeping, and the
two of them would end up running to catch up with Jenny and Chuck. Maybe, just
maybe..

    Gary heard the doors to the room open behind him, but didn't turn around. He felt
someone walk up behind him, and then a hand on his shoulder.

"Gary.." It was Jenny's voice. She was obviously crying. "Gary.I'm sorry I took so long to
get here. I can't imagine what you've been thinking here by yourself."

He shook his head softly and quietly replied that it was alright. He heard a scraping. Jenny
must have pulled a stool over, as out of the corner of his eye he saw her sit down next to
him.

"Gary, I don't know why this had to happen. Why Lorri?"

    It seemed to be a rhetorical question, if a question at all. It didn't seem to be directed at
him, but Gary felt the question stab at him like a dagger. Why *did* it have to be Lorri?
He rested his forehead on his cupped hands, still holding Lorri's hand. He felt Jenny place
a hand on his back, and he was half comforted by her presence, and half wishing that she
wasn't here so he could be alone there with Lorri.

    Why did it have to be her? What possible reason was there for Lorri; such a wonderful
girl, to die? He needed a reason. He needed someone to blame.     Himself. It struck him,
through all the grief and disbelief. He bought the vouchers. They never would have gone if
it hadn't been for him. He'd felt something was wrong all along. He'd worried about the
safety of the equipment, but he hadn't said anything. Why hadn't he realised it before?

He whispered it softly. "I killed her Jenny."

"What?" She sounded confused.

"I killed her. It's my fault Jenny."

"How can it be your fault?"

"I bought the tickets. It was all my idea. And when we got there I thought something was
wrong straight away. But I didn't say anything, Jenny. I didn' t say anything. If I'd taken
just ONE MINUTE to say what I was thinking, Lorri would still be here. But she isn't
Jenny, she isn't..and I killed her."

    A silence fell over the room. Jenny shook her head.

"You can't think that Gary, you can't."

"Why not? It's the truth."

"But it's not. You didn't know that this was going to happen."

"You weren't there Jenny." He said with his voice so quiet you could barely hear it. "You
would have said something, Chuck would have said something. Anyone else would have
said something..but not me. And look what that's caused."

 "You didn't kill her Gary."

    He heard her, but he wasn't listening. To him it was the truth. He was so angry, and he
knew he would never forgive himself for what he'd done.

******************
"Just the littlest thing
The sound of your name
I start to feel this ache inside my soul
I try to lock it all in, push it all down
It's so hard to keep it in control"
- Ilse De Lange

******************

    The sun had shone on the day of the funeral. But it hadn't felt bright for anyone there. It
was the first time Gary had met Lorri's family. He'd met her parents at the hospital, but it
wasn't really the place he had envisioned meeting them. Gary had helped carry Lorri's
coffin. He knew that it was considered an honour to carry the coffin, and it was always
done by the people closest to the person, but Gary felt that he didn't deserve to do it after
what he had done. He'd felt like his heart was breaking, and the weight of the coffin had
been nothing compared to the heavy feeling of guilt hanging over his soul.

    He'd said to himself before that it was enough to just spend time with Lorri, and that he
wasn't going to get into planning a future together, but he was wrong. It hadn't been
enough. Deep down he'd known that he loved her so much that he wanted to spend the
rest of his life with her. But now he couldn't do that. He didn't have the chance. And it was
all his own fault. He knew it was, no matter what Jenny said, or what Chuck said, or even
what Lorri's own family said.

    Lorri's mother had given him a small package of her daughter's things that she thought
Gary would want to have. He'd opened it when he was alone. Photographs of the two of
them. A few letters and cards. Some movie stubs. It looked like some sort of memory box
that Lorri had been putting together. If he hadn't picked up the card, he would have
missed it. In a small plastic bag - it must have not have been opened from when it had
come back from the hospital. The locket. He'd stared at it for a few minutes, then put it
away, with the rest of the photographs. He put everything that reminded him of Lorri in a
box. He had to keep the feelings away or they'd drive him crazy.

    Chuck had been trying to get Gary to venture out. He'd kept to himself ever since her
death. He didn't want to see anyone. He didn't want their sympathy, their pity. But Chuck
had finally persuaded him to come out for a drink with him and Jenny. Chuck knew that
someone had to get Gary out of his room again, or he never would.

    Gary looked around the bar. Plenty of other people, all enjoying themselves. However
much he tried, Gary just couldn't. Jenny and Chuck didn' t push him. He'd come with
them, that was enough for now. Gary saw Jenny turn around as another girl entered the
place. Jenny smiled at her, and the girl came over.

"Hi Jenny."

"Hi."

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"

"Oh, sorry. Gary, Chuck this is Marcia."

Both Chuck and Gary replied the greeting, but Gary kept his eyes on his drink. He felt her
looking at him, and he looked up at her. She smiled at him, and he gave her an empty
smile back.

******************
"I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me I'm with you"
- Linkin Park

******************

    Gary shook his head and looked around him. His loft. He didn't know what he'd been
expecting. He felt the weight of the locket in his hand, and he flipped the catch on the side
to open it. He looked at the photograph inside.

"Lorri.."

    The name stung deep inside, and he was amazed to see her there.  That face which he
hadn't seen in such a long time. The face he'd never see again. He'd been pushing it down,
all of it. He'd tried to forget her, not to think about her. It still hurt. Remembering it all
again, Gary realised that he still blamed himself for what happened. He couldn't help but
think what his life would be like now if she were still alive. He wouldn't have married
Marcia. He probably would have married her. He had loved Lorri. Loved her in a way he
had never loved anyone else. More than Genie, more than Marcia. And he'd let it all slip
away. Just let it slip away.

    He gently stroked the picture in the locket with his index finger. He knew where it had
come from. It had been there all along, just like the memories.

    Why had Chuck never talked to him about it? Someone who had meant so much to him
- surely Chuck would have talked about her to him? But then he thought about it. About
how he had felt after Lorri's death, about how he felt right now. Chuck was probably
trying to spare him the pain of thinking about her.     But Gary wanted her. How could he
manage without her now he remembered? Would he push the feelings back down inside?
Should he? Would that be the best way?     He heard a gentle tapping on his door and he
turned around.

"Gary?" It was Marissa. "Can I come in?"

He kept quiet. He wasn't sure whether he wanted anyone with him or not. But he saw
Marissa open the door anyway. He admonished himself for not locking it.     Marissa
walked into the loft, and called out to him.

"I'm over here. The couch."

She walked over and sat down beside him.

"Gary, what is it? You can talk to me you know."

    He didn't say anything, just shut the locket, opened out her hand, and placed it on her
palm. Marissa ran her fingers over it, and looked confused.

"What is this?"

"It's a locket."

"Yes I know, but why have you given it me?"

There was an awkward moment of silence.

"Ga-" He took a deep breath and cut her off. He started to tell her everything.

*********

    When he'd finished, Gary rested his forehead on the palm of his hands and sighed.
Marissa was silent for a few moments.

"Gary...I never knew."

"Of course you didn't.. I didn't either did I?"

Marissa came closer to Gary and took his hands in hers and squeezed them.

"Why did I do it Marissa?"

There was a pregnant pause. She seemed to be searching for the right words.

"You didn't kill her Gary"

    He'd been looking at his hands, but as Marissa said that to him, he looked up to face
her. How familiar the empty phrase was. It was empty back then when Jenny had said it to
him that day at the hospital, and it was still empty now.

"You can't think that you did Gary, it'll drive you crazy."

"But if I'd never taken her there that day, she'd still be here now. We'd be together, I know
we would."

"You can't know that. There's no way of saying. I know this isn't what you want to hear,
but she could have died the day after, the week after, two years after."

"I loved her Marissa. I still do."

The silence was back again.

"I know. You took her there *because* you loved her.you wanted to make her happy."

Gary shook his head. "No," he muttered softly. "I wanted to make her happy, but it didn't
do that did it?"

There was no reply from Marissa. Gary stood up and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry Marissa..I-I want to be on my own for a while."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"OK."

She got up from the couch and went towards the door. She lingered there for a moment,
before leaving and shutting the door behind her. Gary felt the locket in his hand, where
Marissa left it when she withdrew her hand.

    Gary stood there in the middle of the room, his heart heavy. He looked outside the
window. The sky was full of ash-coloured clouds. It was going to rain. It seemed that the
weather knew exactly how he was feeling. He watched the clouds split open and the rain
pour for a long time before he finally lay down to sleep, the locket clutched tightly in his
hand.

 *********

    He opened his eyes, or at least he thought he did. But he wasn't in his loft. He sat bolt
upright, and started breathing heavily. It was his college room. He wasn't supposed to be
here. This was all wrong. This was so very wrong.

    His eyes darted around. Then came the squeak of the door hinges as they opened. Gary
held his breath, waiting to see who entered.

His heart skipped a beat

It was Lorri.

    She smiled and walked over to him. Gary shuffled up the bed until he banged his head
on the wall. He cursed quietly under his breath and rubbed the back of his skull with the
heel of his hand, never taking his eyes of Lorri..

She smiled at him softly, her red-blonde hair hanging gently around her face.

"Hi Gary."

"W-What am I doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"But y-you're dead...aren't you?"

"Yes. I'm sorry Gary. If I could change things so that I wasn't, believe me I would. But I
needed to talk to you. You wouldn't listen to anyone else."

"What do you mean?"

"Gary, I don't blame you for what happened. You must understand that."

"But Lorri, how can you not blame me? We never would have gone there if it hadn't been
for me."

"That's true, but you took me there because you wanted to do something for me. You
wanted to make me happy."

"But if I hadn't...you'd probably still be alive."

"Maybe. Maybe not..you can't say can you?"

"You sound like Marissa."

"Thank you. You should listen to her more often you know."

He was staring at her dumbfounded.

"I can't live without you Lorri. I need you."

"That's not true Gary. And you have to live without me. People need you, and you've got
the rest of your life to live."

"But I can't help but go on thinking about how different things would have been. Would
we be together? Would you..would you have married me?"

"..Yes. Yes I would have, but Gary that's not what it's about."

"Then what is it about?"

She sighed. "Gary. I'm not saying that this is going to be easy, but you've got to get on
with your life. You've got to move on."

"I can't."

She laid her hand against his cheek.

"Listen. I'm not angry with you, and I'm not going to be angry with you for living your
life. But I don't want you to go back to how you were before."

"What do you mean?"

"You were keeping it all down inside you. You never thought about me, you never let
yourself think about what happened, or feel the pain. You didn't let yourself grieve."

"But I was living my life then."

"You were existing. You weren't living."

Gary sat there silently for a couple of minutes, thinking about what she had just said to
him, before speaking up again.

"I never let myself get close to someone else. Marcia..she didn't love me, and she wasn't
right for me. She was..a substitute for you."

Lorri smiled sadly and nodded.

"You've got to let people get close. You can't always be frightened. You've got to take
risks sometimes."

"But-"

"But that doesn't mean you have to forget me. I don't want you to. Don't you remember
what we promised each other? I believe we said," She paused, deep in thought, apparently
searching for the exact words. "let's promise that we won't ever forget each other if we're
forced apart. Let's always keep our love alive."

He nodded slowly. "I remember. But how can I live my life and still keep our love alive?"

"You learn..that's all. I'll always love you. I've never stopped. But whilst you can still keep
our love alive, you've got to begin to love other people to."

Gary looked down at his hands, but Lorri gently lifted his chin up.

"You've got to take that step Gary, or you'll never move on."

He nodded silently, and suddenly realised he was holding something in his hand. He
uncurled his fist. He still had the locket there. He raised his head and Lorri was just
smiling at him. He looked from her to the locket, and he knew what he had to do. He
gestured for her to lean forward, which she did. He undid the clasp and fastened the
necklace around her neck. As she sat back, the emeralds shimmered gently as the pendant
lay on her skin. She smiled at him, and put a hand on his shoulder, making him lay back.
She settled herself in his arms.

"Don't worry about me Gary. I'm going to be fine..you will be too you know. In time."

"I love you Lorri." He whispered it gently.

"I know. I love you too."

    They lay there together, in each other's arms. For how long, Gary didn't know. It was
long enough for the sunlight shining on his eyes to make them slowly shut, and for him to
fall asleep.

******************
"No more silent tears,
No more gazing across the wasted years.
Help me say goodbye"
- Andrew Lloyd Webber
("Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again")

******************

    The alarm broke the silence of Gary's sleep, and he reached out and smacked Elaine
Brent away once more, wondering once again why he hadn't ever bothered to change the
station. He glanced over to see the digits on the clock. 6:30. But then he stopped for a
second, as he saw the hand he'd just turned the alarm off with. It was empty. He looked at
the floor, his sheets. He'd gone to sleep with the locket in his hand, he was certain of it. It
wasn't in his other hand, so he couldn't be thinking of the other hand.

    He thought about his dream of last night. About what Lorri had said to him, and putting
the locket around her neck. But it had just been a dream. Hadn't it?

    Gary ignored the thump and meow from outside his door for a moment before letting
the cat in, but he was in a daze. *Had* it been a dream? He knew Lorri was dead, but
weirder things had happened to him before. Was there any reason this couldn't be true as
well? If it was, then he'd given the locket back to its rightful owner.

    He sat down on the couch. The cat jumped up onto the space beside him, and looked at
him. Gary didn't look at him, but reached out and stroked the animal's fur. He thought a
while longer. If it hadn't just been a dream, then Lorri must have had an important reason
for giving him the opportunity to talk to her.

    He smiled. He knew what it was. She'd wanted to tell him all the things she'd said, but
she'd also wanted to give him the opportunity to really say goodbye to her. Gary was sorry
that he had to let her go, but she was right. He had to. She'd hit the nail on the head when
she'd said that he'd not been living, only existing. He didn't want to go on like that. He
wanted to live his life, but he didn't want to forget her either. She'd also been right in
saying that he was just going to have to learn as he went along.

    Lorri had done a good thing for him last night. Gary realised that. She' d told him so
many things that he had needed to hear. To hear off her, because it wouldn't really have
done off anyone else. He knew that, because others had tried. Chuck, Jenny, Marissa. As
people often said, there's none so deaf as those who will not hear.

    It was going to be hard to carry on without her, but he'd learn. Every day was a new
beginning, and though he'd lost Lorri, and he'd lost the locket, he'd put them back
together. And he'd still got his memories, he would always carry the love for her in his
heart. Like the emeralds on the locket, she was the jewel of his heart. She'd given him the
greatest gift, the gift of her love, and though she was gone, she'd left him enough.

 ***********

Thanks for reading, feedback would be wonderful!

Email the author: phoebe_or_becks@hotmail.com
 

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