This fic is sorta based around "Faith." Mostly about Gary's belief in God, or in "things." Gary ponders his faith, while alone on the roof of the hospital.  I'm incredibly sorry if this offends anyone. It is not at all meant for that.

 Rating: PG-13
 Spoilers: "Faith."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One Day I Stopped
by Ally McKnight

Gary sat on the roof of the hospital, again. This time he was alone. What had Rachel said? That he didn't believe in God, just in
 'things.' Gary wasn't sure. Ever since the paper came, he didn't know what to believe in. Well, not since then, since long
 before.
 
    His mother Lois, a Catholic, and his father, Bernie, a Protestant were never strict with religion. Gary did, however remember his mother tucking him in at night, and reading him stories from the Bible. Gary had always loved Noah's Ark, and David and Goliath. He liked the adventure side to it.
 
     He guessed the day that it got harder to believe was the day that he opened his mother's leather bound Bible, and found he couldn't understand any of it. He was an excellent reader, and he was reading the Bible, but it didn't make any sense to him. They were just words on paper, they didn't hold the meaning that they had had when his mom read from it.
 
    Gary remembered the day his parents took him to church, and the priest was just saying words. As each year went by, it got a little harder to believe. A little harder for his growing mind to comprehend everything. He had so many questions.
 
    If God was so perfect, why didn't he show himself? Why all the secrecy? Why doesn't anybody know that much about him? If he could make the world perfect, why didn't he?
 
    Gary kept all the feelings bottled up. He went to church and tried to understand everything, but it was impossible. How was he expected to believe in something he couldn't see? There was no proof. He went on believing without seeing, but there was
 always his doubts.
 
    Gary knew that as he grew older, he saw life with more cynical eyes. It's harder to believe something when you know it's humanly impossible.
 
    When he started getting the paper, all his past feeling rushed to him. Was it delivered by God? Or the Newspaper Fairy? Gary wondered if Chuck believed in God. Gary wasn't even sure of himself. What was he anyway? He celebrated Christian holidays, wondering sometimes if he should. He had so many questions.
 
    It was like once he started to go through puberty he noticed more about the world. He knew all the reasons why he shouldn't believe in God. He knew all the reasons he should. He just didn't know if he did believe or not.
 
    Was there really some kind of perfect being? Nobody knew. There was no proof. Not like UFOs. There was no 'amateur'
 video of  God which would turn out to be a kite flying over the Piggly Wiggly. Nobody had pictures of God. No proof or anything. So, what should he believe?
 
    Maybe it wasn't the fact that he got the paper. Maybe it was his true self. There were times that he wondered if God is real, how come there's so many problems in the world. How come people shot each other killed each other Gary had long ago heard the story of Pandora's box, but that made no sense to him either. If a box held everything evil, would it hold evil people too?
 
    Were people even evil, or is that just a myth? Are people truly good at heart, or just good when they want to be? On the other hand, were people evil at heart, or just evil when they wanted to be?
 
   The questions clouded Gary's mind. He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't even know what he believed. He wasn't sure he knew anything anymore. It was all changed my one eleven year old girl. How could a child bring back such memories? Everything he'd ever thought?
 
    He didn't know. One day it had all been so clear- God and Jesus, then one day the faith just kind of... stopped.

Email the author: Ally McKnight
 
 

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