printprint this story!

Disclaimer: jake 2.0 and all related elements, characters and indicia © Roundtable Entertainment and Viacom Productions, Inc., 2003. All Rights Reserved. All characters and situations-save those created by the authors for use solely on this website-are copyright Roundtable Entertainment and Viacom Productions, Inc.

Author's Note: I know the title of the story is kind of lame but I couldn't think of anything better. This is my first attempt at writing ANYTHING other than a bland term paper, so please be gentle. Also, I only saw a few episodes so I'm not totally tuned in to how the characters interact with each other. This story is just a bit of fun fluff that I started writing back in December and finished just after the show got cancelled. A Big Thank You to J Solt for reading over my drafts, pointing me in the right direction and being an all-around great guy, and to the creators, writers and actors of Jake 2.0 who entertained us and made us care about a geeky super-spy named Jake.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Jake-mas
by StuckHereWithNoTV

Diane refilled her wine glass from the now half empty bottle of Merlot. Clad in sweats and her old Harvard t-shirt, she repeatedly pressed the button on the T.V. remote cycling through infomercials showing her how to easily slice vegetables or to painlessly remove hair from sensitive regions. Frustrated, she clicked the OFF button and turned on her stereo only to be bombarded with an especially depressing version of "I'll Be Home for Christmas". Diane quickly reacted by downing a huge gulp of the red liquid as she sunk deeper into the couch while watching the flurry of snowflakes swirl with the wind outside her window. Picking up the phone, she dialed a series of digits and held it to her ear.


"Hi mom."

"Diane, honey. How are you? We got your message."

"I'm fine. I'm sorry I couldn't come home for Christmas. I really miss you guys."

"Oh, don't worry about it. We all wish you could be here though. It's a blizzard outside. How's the weather in D.C.?"

"Yeah, it's snowing a lot here, too."

"You won't be alone tonight will you?"

Diane looked around her empty and dimly-lit apartment, "No, of course not, Mom."


"Yeah, well, tell Dad and everyone that I wish them Merry Christmas."

"I will. Love you, sweetie. Merry Christmas."

"Love you too, Mom. Bye."

Hanging up, Diane bit her lip as the concept of being alone finally settled upon her. Tears started to form at the corners of her eyes as she stared at her empty wine glass. She never spent Christmas by herself before, and she always assumed that if she ever had to, it wouldn't be such a big deal. However, being physically alone and more than a little inebriated while listening to depressing Christmas songs seemed to prove that assumption wrong.

She picked the phone up again and this time dialed a different set of numbers. After one ring, she hung up. "Ugh. What am I doing?" she said rolling her eyes, disgusted with herself at the moment.

A sudden knock on the door startled Diane causing a small yelp of surprise to escape her lips. At first she thought the noise was a figment of her imagination until she heard a muffled "Diane, are you there?" come from outside in the hallway.

Confused, she stumbled to the door and opened it. Her eyes grew wide with amazement while a disbelieving grin formed on her face as she squeaked out, "Jake?" He turned around to face her with the snow from outside still sitting on the shoulders of his coat. Smiling, he peeked into her dim apartment. "What-what are you doing here?" she asked shaking her head but still grinning. "I mean, I-I thought you'd be in Ohio by now."

"Ah, my flight got cancelled," Jake said glumly. "I was wondering if yours got cancelled too, so I tried calling but I got a busy signal."

"Um, yeah, I was probably talking to my mom," she replied. "I actually tried calling you two ti—once. I tried calling you once. Um..." her eyes darted around as she scratched the back of her head, embarrassed.

"Hmm, I guess I was talking to my folks, too," he replied thinking. "Anyways, the reason I'm here is to see if you wanted to hang out," he spotted the wine bottle and glass on her coffee table and frowned. "Unless you have company already..."

"Oh," she giggled nervously turning to see what he was looking at, "that. Oh no. No, no. No one's here, except me. Just me." Blushing at her own awkwardness, she opened the door wider and gestured him to come in.

Jake let out a relieved sigh and smiled, "Great! Well, not 'great' that you're alone but 'great' that neither of us have to spend Christmas alone." Walking into the apartment, he showed her the pizza box he held in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, "Since Stellino's was the only restaurant I could find still open, I thought we could have Christmas Italian style."

"Sounds good," Diane said hanging up his coat as Jake moved to the coffee table.

For an hour and a half, the pair munched on pizza and finished their respective bottles of alcohol while playing their beloved Boggle. After losing all six rounds to Diane, Jake leaned back in his chair and shook the last few drops of wine into his glass.

"That's it. I quit. I'm not playing any more," Jake complained.

"Wimp," she joked menacingly.

"Heh," he glared making a face, which caused both of them to break out a smile. "Okay, so back to the story. What happened next?"

Diane sighed rubbing her forehead, "Well, I brought my gown to the park thinking that after my sister's party I could just slip it on and go to graduation and give my speech."

"Sounds like a good idea."

"It was, until I found my gown in shreds. My sister's well-meaning friends had cut it into pieces and made a Happy Graduation card for me," She watched Jake wince. "Yeah, and what's worse was that it was a pool party and apparently while I was in the pool someone stole all my stuff, including my clothes, from the locker room."

Jake couldn't keep from grinning at that point. "You've got to be kidding. So what did you do? Did you go home and get some new clothes?"

"I couldn't! Filling out the report for all my stolen things took an hour which made me ten minutes late for the ceremony. I had to drive straight to my high school."

"So you mean—You mean you gave your valedictorian speech in a swimsuit?!"

"No!" she shrieked, horrified. "Oh God, no! I would just die, like literally die if I had to go out in front of all those people inó" she shook her head, "no, there's no way. But, I guess what they did make me wear could almost be considered just as humiliating."

"What was it?"

"When I got to my high school they didn't have any extra gowns and of course the principal, and myself, wouldn't let me go out there in just my swimsuit. So the only thing they had available was the high school mascot costume."

Jake bit his tongue to keep from snickering. "What was your high school mascot?" he asked with anticipation.

She buried her face in her hands, "A squirrel."

He lost control after hearing her say that. Laughing hysterically, he looked up at Diane who was giving a murderous look and was on the verge of hitting him. "Sorry, sorry!" Jake apologized in between chuckles. Seeing he was still in danger of being killed, he took her hand in his, "I'm sorry. That was really mean of me. But I'm sure you made a really cute squirrel."

"Thanks," she shrugged bashfully. "Well, I guess on the bright side, I did become the first squirrel to graduate valedictorian."

He grinned. "Yeah and with my help, when you go to your next high school reunion you'll be the first squirrel with a Nobel Prize."

Diane giggled and watched him slowly start to stare at her with a pensive expression on his face. "What's wrong?" she asked concerned.

Jake shook his head, "Nothing."

She tried looking away but turned back to face him when she noticed he still hadn't stopped staring at her, "What? Tell me."

"It's... it's nothing."


He looked down and remained silent.

"You miss your family," Diane supplied. "Jake, I totally understand. I mean, it's the holidays and we should be spending it with our family and those we care a lot about. Not playing Boggle and telling embarrassing stories with a friend. I mean playing Boggle and telling embarrassing stories isn't a bad thing," she gave a little laugh, "it's actually pretty fun. And it's not that I don't like being with youóI really like being with youó"

"Diane," he cut off her rambling but still kept his gaze down. "That's not what I was thinking about."


"I mean, that was one of things I was thinking about, yeah. I'm really missing my family right now. I've never spent Christmas without them before. But at least I'm still spending the holidays with someone I care a lot about so....î

"Oh," she again murmured, her cheeks growing red. "What were you thinking about then?"

Jake finally looked up, "I was thinking about my life. About my whole situation. About you. About my future."

"A-about me?"

"Yeah, I'm... I'm just glad I met you and that you've been by my side through this whole thing. I don't think I can imagine anybody else I'd rather have stand by me..." he trailed off getting lost in his thoughts.

"Jake... I meant it when I said that I'd always be here for you," she assured giving his hand a squeeze.

He smiled at her and said quietly, "I know."

"Can I ask you a question?"


"If you could do it all over againóif you could choose not to have been infected with the nanites and to deal with all the stuff you have to deal with now, like not having a normal life... which would you choose?"

"I've thought a lot about that," Jake sighed. "Before the nanites I don't know if I was ever really happy. I think I felt like I never really accomplished anything, you know? But now that I've reached my fantasy of becoming this super spy... I still don't think I'm happy. It's weird but I feel like I'm missing something. Like there's still something missing in my life..." he glanced at her. "Am I making any sense?"

"Yes," she nodded looking at him intently, "perfect sense."

Jake let out a short laugh and let go of her hand he just realized he still held. "Sorry. The philosophical effect of alcohol is starting to get to me."

"Yeah," she said absently. Shaking her head clear she smiled embarrassed, "I mean yeah. Alcohol. Makes anyone a regular Descartes."

They smiled at each other and let the mellow atmosphere wash over them as they continued to sit back and listen to Christmas music from the stereo. It wasn't until an especially slow version of "Have Yourself a Merry Christmas" was being crooned out that Jake finally broke the silence.

"I just realized I never got you a present," he yawned.

Diane stretched and yawned also, "Oh, that's okay. I didn't get you one either," she smirked.

"Well, I got an idea." He stood and moved over to her. Pulling Diane up from her chair, he held her close to him and saw a look briefly flash in her eyes that he couldn't quite identify. "Dance with me?" Jake asked with a lopsided grin.


"Well, it's kinda cold outside and I'm afraid if we danced out there I'd probably slip on the snow and fall on my ass," he joked starting to sway them both to the music.

Diane laughed resting her head on his shoulder, "Yeah, probably. Sorry the nanites can't help decrease spaz-ism."

Jake smiled gently resting his head on top of hers as she closed her eyes. Minutes passed as the two continued to hold each other not realizing that they had stopped dancing a long time ago.



"I care a lot about you, too."

"I know."

"You sure seem to know a lot of stuff."

He glanced down at her, "Not everything."

A few moments passed before Jake again broke the silence.



"I'll always be here for you too."

She smiled with her eyes still closed, "I know."

Outside, the snow continued to fall quietly echoing the peacefulness inside the warm apartment.

"Merry Christmas," he softly said after a moment.

"Merry Christmas, Jake."