The Admiral's Son                 By              Betty Phipps/Aries4116@aol.comDisclaimers: You know the routine. Paramount owns all....except for what we write about. Premise: To fill the summer void of Voyager. After Hope and Fear.Rating: PG-13Other Stuff: "Wait For The Sunrise"  is written and composed by Richard Marx. Copy write 1989 by EMI Records a division of Capital Records. No infringement intended.      "(Watching)  Worlds Crumble"  is written by Alan Frew, Sam Reid and Jim Vallance. Copy write by Capital/EMI Records.  No infringement intended.Special Thanks:  To Rebecca for taking time to read and keep me on track with the characters and the spelling.  Thank You!!!                     The Admiral's Son     Owen Paris stared at the last picture of  his son, Thomas.  It was from the penal colony in New Zealand, almost five years ago.      Staring back at him was a young man who was brilliant, thoughtful and missing some where in the Delta quadrant.       He was surprised to hear that Voyager had made contact with the Federation and messages were sent from crew members. What surprised him more was the message he received from Thomas. Pulling out the padd that still had the message on it, he read it again.             Dear Family,             I'm not sure you will read this, but please pass it to others who have              inquired about me since Voyager's disappearance.  It might be a long              time before I will see any of you again.                               Life on Voyager is not all that bad. I'm doing the one thing I love and              that is to fly.  I'm happy each day to wake up and sit at helm control              and watch the stars fly past me at warp 6.              I have made many friends on Voyager.  Ensign Harry Kim was my              first friend. Although he knew about my past, the accident and the             stories that followed me all my life, he still wanted to be my friend.              In a way I feel bad for Harry.  His first mission and he is tossed half             way across the galaxy, far from his family.  He is a brilliant young man             who loves his duty and fulfills all the requirements of it.  He is the little              brother I never had and always wanted.                              Together we have played more pool than I did while I was at  the               Academy.  He is a fast learner and has hustled more than a few              replicator rations off of me.  Hopefully someday you all will be able              to meet him.              Captain Janeway has put much faith in me. Each day I try not to              let her down.  She was the one who gave me a second chance               when many never gave me a first chance.  She is a strong woman               fighting to get the crew back home.  I know she will get                us home.                B'Elanna Torres, who is half Human/half Klingon, has become an               important part of my life.  At first she hated me.  Guess my natural               charm won her over.  She is the first woman who I've really fell in               love with.  Both of our lives are far from usual, maybe that is why               we get along together.               Breaking the warp 10 barrier made me realize how much I had to               offer.  I'm not the same self centered person I was four years ago.               I've learned many lessons and realized that only I can make things               work or fail for me.                Admiral.  All I ever wanted was to make you proud of me.  Just to hear               you say, "I'm proud of you, Thomas."   I never heard those words.  It               was as if you were ashamed of me, that I never lived up to what you               wanted me to be.  To be like you, to carry on a tradition that my sisters               never had any interest in.  You never asked me what I wanted, you                decided for me.               Mother.  I love you very much and miss you terribly.  There isn't a day               that goes by that I don't think about you.  I miss how you would ruffle                my hair and tell me that I would become bald if I didn't stop butting                heads with father.   Only you can help him understand.  I can't.              Moria and Kathleen.  I miss you two!   I hope you are following your              dreams and not worrying about me.  I'm a survivor.  Just make sure                that you watch out for mom and the Admiral.  I love you both dearly!                    Tom***************************************************************     Tom Paris knew he was in trouble the moment the transporter surrounded him. It felt different and made his head swim.      When his sight cleared, he noticed he wasn't where he should be. This couldn't be the beam down sight on Talagra Prime.  He was there only an hour earlier.      Looking around, he decided to find out where he was and how to get back to Voyager.      Looking around the city, he noted it was in ruins. Buildings were like frail skeletons against the dull gray sky. Moving with the wind, threatening to fall to the ground below.     It reminded Tom of a city after a war. A war that destroyed this once thriving civilization.  It was such a sad sight.      Tom found a small dark corner and sat down. He had to pull his thoughts and plans together to find a way out of where ever he was.      Removing his combadge, he took the backing off of it and began setting up a signal. Hopefully the power would last long enough for Voyager to pick him up. If not, he would have to fall back on plan B which he didn't have a clue as to what it would be.      Placing his combadge back on his uniform, he began sifting through some of the debris. The inhabitants of this city were dressed in torn and dirty clothing.  He had to blend into the scenery and his starfleet uniform was not part of it.      Tom fell back onto his survival training and began a transformation in order to gather information about where he was and how to get out.      The faint voices of children laughing, the smell of food, flooded Tom's senses. His eyes scanned all possible places of escapes, his nose detected various smells, and his ears listened for any sudden clues or noises.  His being was on alert.      The filthy clothes he wore were harsh, bitter to his own senses. He was sure his uniform was going have to be burned when he got back to Voyager.      As he walked among the litter filled ruins, he began to feel very alone.  Not that he was used to it, but it was a feeling he hadn't had in years.  Even in his father's presence, he always felt alone.      A screaming voice broke through Tom's thoughts and he turned around sharply.  Within a second he was knocked down to the ground by a yelling woman. She was crying and begging him to help her.      He looked up into a face of tears and fear, as she pulled him up off the ground.      Not clear as to what was going to happen next, Tom let the frantic woman lead him to where she wanted to go.      The woman's clothing was much like his-torn, dirty and charred. She had a very round soft face and striking violet eyes. Her disarrayed black hair made her look very exotic.     After turning many corners of once standing buildings, she stopped and pointed to an area of rubble. She was talking in a language he didn't understand and the translator wasn't working. She grabbed his hand and urged him closer.     Then he heard the soft whimpering of a child from the rubble. He didn't need any translation as to what to do next.      With the woman's help, he dug his way into the pile of rubble and touched the arm of a small child. Tom forgot about all other things as he clawed harder to get the child free. ***************************************************************        *I was born an only son          Didn't take to the rules, like a normal child          Prisoner of the things I've done          It's the price you pay livin' fast and wild****************************************************************          "I'm an Admiral's son!"  Little Tom Paris stated proudly to the group of  Starfleet officers. That was responded to by chuckles and pats on the back of the elder Paris.      At five years of age, Tom Paris was accustomed to the Starfleet way of life. Used to the standards of being the son of an Admiral. Destined to be something in life, something in his father's life.      Tom forgot about the past as the child's hand grabbed onto his. Quickly catching the small hand, he pushed further into the rubble to get a better grip on the small body.      Gently, Tom eased the battered body of a small boy out from the charred ruins. The boy's mother was crying tears of happiness while hugging Tom. He quickly looked over the boy to make sure he had no open wounds or broken bones.           "I think he is okay,"  Tom said to the crying woman.  She only looked at him like a savior.  Tom felt a little self conscious at the moment. He was no savior, just a man trying to right the wrongs in his life.      The woman took him possessively by the arm and lead him through the streets, while Tom held the child to him.  He had no idea where he was being lead.           The entrance into the rickety shack was about a foot shorter than he was. He had to duck or crack his head on the frame.       The room was small, and cluttered with a minimal of belongings. Odds and ends of materials from the ruins were stacked neatly against one wall.      The woman lead Tom to a small bed where he laid the child down. The woman began removing the clothing from the child as Tom watched.  Then the woman began to clean the child up.  Tom slowly began helping the woman out in her task.      A pair of violet eyes met a pair of blue ones and a real smile broke out on the woman's face.  Tom smiled in return feeling like he made a connection with a woman he couldn't talk to.     The child was bruised, but not seriously injured. After getting the child dressed, Tom got up to leave. The woman grabbed him by the arm and pleaded with him to stay.      Tom was surprised at first. Maybe being out in the night was dangerous. He had no way to know.  Something told him that he would be safe, although he didn't really believe himself.           "Okay,"  he said to the woman who couldn't understand him. "I will stay."   He then let her lead him to a small mattress and sat down. The woman was relieved and smiled widely at him.      She scurried about in the small room, gathering up some odds and ends and gave them to Tom.  He looked down at the stuff. Something to clean up and change into.  He then saw her prepare something to eat.       Slowly, Tom began to take off the tattered clothes and undo his uniform. The woman turned around to see the starfleet uniform and she fell to her knees.      Tom quickly went to her and helped her stand up. He looked into her soft face and said, "No. No need for that."     The woman was confused at first and Tom shook his head again. The woman relaxed and went back to preparing the food, while he took off his uniform.      Tom was uncomfortable with undressing in front of people. It was something he didn't do all the time. He then began to clean up the best he could. The cool liquid made his skin tingle. He then slipped on what looked like a pair of pants and a long shirt. He folded up the other clothes he wore and set them on the floor.       The whole time the woman had her back to him as he cleaned up. She was either scared or too polite to watch the strange man clean and dress.       Tom walked up behind her and gently touched her on the shoulder and she turned around surprised.          "Don't be afraid,"  he said in a soft voice.  "I'm not going to hurt you."The woman smiled at him and handed him a small bowl of food. He took the bowl and nodded his thanks. He sat down by the bed where the small child was watching him with a curious look.      The boy was about seven years old with deep brown eyes. A child of war.  Tom patted his lap and the child slowly walked over and sat down on his leg. Tom then held the bowl of food and the both of them ate.  The woman smiled her happiness and joined them. ***************************************************************          "You mean Paris is not at the capital city?"   Janeway asked with concern. "He had just been there not an hour ago."          "We are running diagnostics on the transporter systems now,"  Harry Kim spoke up. "It will take some time."          "We are looking into any anomalies that might have caused the absence of Lt. Paris,"   Tuvok said in a calm Vulcan way.           "Keep me informed,"  Janeway said and retreated to her ready room.      Harry Kim looked back down at the console and began working on the reason why his best friend was missing.      Harry was not the only one who was worried about Tom Paris.  B'Elanna Torres was in full Klingon mode when she heard about the mysterious disappearance of Tom.  She was working on the problem as well.   It was hard when you loved someone who was missing.      B'Elanna slammed her hand against the wall and the engineering staff didn't flinch. They knew she wasn't out to maim them.***************************************************************      *I've spent too many nights             lookin' over my shoulder       And the ways of the world make a heart              grow colder       Got nowhere left to hide        The fight in me has died       So I must wait for the sunrise****************************************************************     It had to be sometime in the night when Tom woke up. His left thigh was aching and his foot was asleep. He realized the boy had fallen asleep in his arms with his head on his chest.       Absently, Tom stroked the boy's smooth hair and shifted so his thigh stopped aching.  Then he noticed pillowed against his right shoulder was the woman, who remained asleep.       Somewhere in the darkness, Tom stared into a future of un-knowns.  It scared the hell out of him.  What was going to happen now?   Would he be able to contact Voyager?   Would he be able to leave these two people to the ruins of this place?     Tom had dreamed of having a family someday.  A family that he could love and protect and watch grow.  He absently wondered if B'Elanna wanted the same thing also.  He hoped she would someday.      The boy shifted and hugged him more tightly and then relaxed. By now, Tom was wide awake and staring out into the darkness of  the room.  Many thoughts picked at his mind, many feelings began to churn.     Why did she bow down to him?  He was of no importance.  He was just a man trying to find a way home, which was years away.       Did this city fall to the war of two different factions?  And left behind were the innocent?   More than likely.  War never left any happy endings that he was aware of.       Tom drifted back to sleep with a dull ache in his stomach and a question in his mind.***************************************************************      *Friend to fear and loaded gun        Live life like the owner of a heart of stone        No one touches, touch no one        But the road gets weary when you're all alone* ***************************************************************     B'Elanna stared at the cup of coffee with little interest of drinking it. It was just a habit to have a cup of coffee when one couldn't sleep.       She tried to sleep, willed herself, even ran a Klingon martial arts program before turning in for the night. Nothing worked.  It was as if sleep took a vacation for the night.      Looking down at the data padd, she smiled. Nothing like destroying something to feel better. The padd was in pieces on the table.      It was Tom. Tom was the reason why she was sitting in the mess hall in the dark.  Just in the blink of an eye, he was gone. Not gone, more like misplaced. There was no evidence that he died, no body or combadge signal.  It was like, Tom just stepped out of this time line to take a break.     Thinking about it only made her more mad as she flung the vase that was sitting on the table against the wall. It shattered into a thousand pieces.             "I some how figured you would be up,"  Harry said quietly sitting down across from B'Elanna. "The mess hall is the best place to think during the middle of the night. Not to mention for destroying things."          "You figured right,"  she replied sliding the cup of coffee towards Harry.  "And your reason for being here?"   she said rather harshly.          "The same reason why you are here,"  he replied taking a sip of the warm coffee. "Feeling better now that you've destroyed a few things?"          B'Elanna watched as Harry downed the coffee and poured some more. That was strong coffee he was drinking. She had to wonder if he was even tasting it.           "Better take a easy with that stuff. You could be up for the rest of the week,"  she said crunching the pieces of the padd into the table.   Smiling, Harry lowered the cup to the table, "It is that strong?"   He knew all too well about B'Elanna's temper and was not shocked by her actions.          "Wait until you're covered from head to toe in hair,"  B'Elanna laughed from behind her hand.           "What a sight that would be,"  Harry thought funnily.  "Any more ideas?"          "Not a one,"  she said resting her chin in her clasped hands. "No chromiton particle counts out of the normal."          "Even the unusual is usual,"  he said drinking more of the coffee. With out any warning, Harry picked up the saucer, that the cup was setting on, and flung it against the wall. Its many pieces joined the pieces of the vase on the floor.  "But I did find something that was strange."          "Are you going to tell me or are you going to keep it to yourself?"  she spated.           "There was a slight anomaly in the transporter beam,"  he said.  "I'm wondering if it didn't shift his destination to another planet?   Maybe it is just a crazy idea about a slight variance in the transporter beam that happened.      There was a brief silence as Harry and B'Elanna gave each other a funny look. Since when was the unusual usual?              "I think the coffee is really having an effect on us,"  Harry said pushing the cup back to B'Elanna, who in turn filled it up and drank it.          "I'd say so,"  she replied with a grin.***************************************************************       *I've spent too many nights              looking over my shoulder        And the ways of the world make a heart              grow colder         Got nowhere left to hide          The fight in me has died         So I must wait for the sunrise****************************************************************     The pain was unbearable as usual. It always happened after a night of drinking to the extreme.       Drinking usually muted the life that he lived in from day to day.  Made the mistakes of the recent past less painful.  It also kept people at bay.  Not that anyone wanted a thing to do with him.      Funny how life changes when you kill three of your best friends and you're left with their memories.  Memories that haunt you every day of your existence.     The bright sunlight intensified the pounding inside his skull and he moaned.***************************************************************     It was the falling of dirt and pieces of the building that woke Tom up. Out of instinct he pulled the still asleep woman and boy closer to him until his sleep fogged mind began to function seconds later.      Tom sprang into action with the now awake woman and boy, and ran to the outside of the building.           The streets were filled with people running and screaming in the morning sunlight. Buildings rumbled as the attack intensified.     There was no where to run or hide, the city had no buildings, no shelter.  The ground rumbled beneath their feet as the explosions scattered what was left of the rubble.     Tom was scared as the falling debris stirred up dust and dirt.  Looking up, he saw a pulse of energy headed towards the ground.  Instinctively he fell to the ground and covered the equally terrified woman and boy with his body.      It seemed like a lifetime before the energy pulse hit the ground near them. In that moment, he remembered the last kiss he gave B'Elanna, the last smile to Captain Janeway, the New Zealand penal colony, his mother's tears and the last time his father hugged him. ***************************************************************      *Too much done to undo        No one I can run to        I need one more chance to live my life again****************************************************************          "Captain!"   Harry called out from Ops. "Sensors indicated a massive explosion in sector 28. It is the third planet in from the system's sun."          "Take us to warp,"  Janeway said from her chair.  A part of her wasn't going to speculate on whether or not Tom would be found on the planet. But after hearing about Kim and Torres' possible transporter anomaly, she would follow through every lead.           "Yes, Captain,"  Chakotay said from helm control.           "Maximum warp,"  Janeway stated.   Chakotay was one step ahead of her.      B'Elanna Torres saw the sensor readings from engineering. She was torn between not having Tom found on the planet to having him be there.  She knew she wasn't going to have it both ways.      The only thing that was slowly killing her was the fact that she couldn't make Voyager go any faster.  She knew Tom would wait for her and she was going to be there for him. She only hoped Voyager could take her pounding. ***************************************************************      ***************************************************************     The morning sun had evaporated the clouds high in the atmosphere, leaving the rays from the sun brighter than ever. Bright enough to reveal the rubble laced city.     There was no movement on the surface, only the gentle breeze of the wind stirring the dirt.     The silence was that of a vast wasteland that never knew the reality of living matter. Desolate and ruined.     Voyager detected very faint life signs as soon as they got into transporter range and beamed down an away team.      They didn't arrive in time to save the survivors they found. It caused an empty twinge in the away team's stomachs.           B'Elanna Torres turned to face the breeze and looked at the landscape in the morning light. There was nothing left.  She looked around with a heavy heart and a silent vow to find any trace of  Tom. Anything.  She had to have something in order to go on.      With tricorder in hand, Commander Chakotay picked through the rubble looking for survivors. He hated to see things like this. It reminded him of the Cardassians and what they did to his own people.      He had to block out the smell of war and death in order to continue his search.  Later he would talk to his animal guide and listen to her words of comfort when he had none to give himself.       The tricorder began beeping wildly and Chakotay nearly tripped over a pile of debris. Talk about shattering a thought. The tricorder was set to find any combadge signal, article of clothing or Tom's DNA patterns.     Looking down, among the dirt, the gray turtle neck of a starfleet uniform was uncovered by the commander's shuffle.     Reaching down, he pulled the material up and at the same time, the rest of the uniform. Carefully inspecting the uniform, he noted that there was no blood and it wasn't torn. The combadge was still attached to the uniform.      Holding the material in his hand, he thought about a few things. Tom might have taken off the uniform, which could mean that he is alive and dressed native. Then the other thought took over. Maybe Tom died and someone took his uniform for trade. Which could mean his body was somewhere nearby or was disintegrated in the blast.      Chakotay decided to think the first. He just couldn't write the pilot off this soon. Tom Paris had surprised more than a few in his life and Chakotay wanted to see him do it again.           "Nothing,"  Harry said wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. The wind had kicked up small pieces of dirt that he just so happen to breathe.           "There is a awful lot of dirt that got dislodged during the blast,"  Janeway said gesturing to the area behind her. "Lets investigate an area around the blast sight."     Janeway looked at the away team and turned to scan the area. She wanted to find Tom alive or dead and just get off this planet. Being here made her feel uneasy.      In the next step, she found herself sprawled out on the ground, face first. She rolled over on her butt and looked at the chunk of dirt that she had tripped over.      Most Starfleet captains fall gracefully: she was not like most starfleet captains. Soon, footfalls of the away team arrived to help her.      Harry, B'Elanna and Chakotay surrounded the captain with worried looks.          "Are you okay, Captain?"  Harry said concerned.          "I'm fine, Harry,"  Janeway laughed while accepting the help offered her. "Guess I'd better watch where I'm going."          "Where did you find that?"  B'Elanna said leaving Harry and walking towards Chakotay.           "A couple of yards over there,"  Chakotay replied giving up the uniform to the grabbing hands of B'Elanna. "I didn't find anything else."     B'Elanna held the uniform in her hands and ran her fingers over the familiar fabric. It was Tom's, she could smell his scent clearly.           "Chakotay!"   Janeway yelled, making Harry and B'Elanna jump.  Chakotay was unfazed by her scream because he saw what Janeway had seen before she had seen it.     Tom realized he could still surprise people without really trying. Once again, he wasn't trying. It was just a natural reaction to breathing dirt when your supposed to be breathing air.      B'Elanna nearly knocked Janeway out of her way to get to Tom.  Harry and Chakotay stifled a laugh at B'Elanna's race to get to Tom.      Tom shakily stood up and promptly fell down, things were spinning just a bit. But something soft and strong had brushed against his dirty face. He squinted up to the shadow that blocked the sun from his eyes, and passed out.      Harry, Chakotay and Janeway scurried over to Tom and B'Elanna.                The Doctor glared at B'Elanna for the millionth time in the last ten minutes. The chief engineer had been under his holographic foot since his patient was beamed to sickbay.      He began to wonder if he could get her out of his hair for at least fifteen minutes so he could finish some of his doctoring.          "Lieutenant, he is unconscious and will be for sometime. Hovering over Mr. Paris is not going to make him wake up faster. It may make him stay unconscious longer."   The Doctor stated with a wry grin.      The look that he got from B'Elanna gave him the feeling that if he went on the fritz, he would be tortured by her before he was repaired.          "B'Elanna,"  he said quietly. "Tom is going to survive this, thanks to my excellent medical care.  He might not survive my next medical lesson on breathing dirt, but he will survive."     She only looked at the doctor, afraid to say anything. But she believed him totally. Taking one last look at the dashing pilot, she gave the doctor a sly smile and quietly left.      If the doctor had blood, it would have drained from his head down to his feet, causing him to pass out.  B'Elanna Torres had surprised him.***************************************************************          "They won't leave me alone!"  Tommy cried against his pillow. "They say I'm cute!"           "You are cute,"  his mother said hiding a smile.           "That's why they try to kiss me?"  a small five year old voice questioned with tears in his eyes. "They are all slobbery."          "Some day you will change your mind about a woman kissing you,"  she said with a grin.  "I don't think you will run away from them."          "I think I will,"  came the brave voice of a five year old. "They will never get me."     A big smile broke out on his mother's face. If he could only see what the future had in store for him, he would have become a monk.  But she would love him regardless of whatever happened. ***************************************************************     Feather light touches on his face and ears made Tom open his heavy eyes. It was like a bug was walking in and out of his ears.      As his eyes focused, he saw the familiar face of B'Elanna Torres smiling at him. A face he could never forget or would want to forget.         "Did anyone ever tell you that you sleep too much?"   she smiled at him.      Tom's throat was raw and he only rasped out an answer and was quickly rewarded with a glass of water.  She supported his head and held the glass up to his lips as he drank.      The cool liquid slid down his throat and hit his stomach with a satisfying feeling.  She gently lowered his head back down to the pillow and set the glass down.           "The doctor said your voice will come back in a few days,"  she replied holding his hand in hers.           His head still hurt and his body felt like a dead weight. Weight.  He quickly turned his head to the side to look at the other biobeds which were empty.      She watched as panic took over his already pale features and tried to calm him.          "Where?!"  he struggled with the word filled with pain and demand.      B'Elanna was grateful for the appearance of the doctor, for once.  She watched as the hologram walked over to the other side of the bed. Tom's intense gaze locked onto the doctor.     In a very calm voice the doctor began, "Tom, the blast was a biogenetic device that destabilized the inhabitants' genetic structure. In short, they were erased from existence. Your genetic structure was different from theirs, which is why you survived."     Tom wanted to run and hide, he wanted to leave and never come back. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to banish the hot tears that threatened to spill forth.      He did not want comfort and pulled away from B'Elanna and the doctor. Hastily he fended off their attempts to offer him solace and shrank deep into the pillow.      B'Elanna was surprised but not that hurt by his actions. He had pieced together what didn't need to be explained. He needed some time to work through the events.     She leaned over and gently brushed a kiss against his cheek and left.      Tom only laid there, lost in the thoughts of the last hours. It was like a cruel joke that someone had played on him.       *I can see the look in their eyes      *Their fears, cold tears fall      *To the ground     How could he forget the woman and the boy who trusted him?   How he let them down, didn't do all he could to protect them.      *And their words just echo more lies      *More plans, blood stained hands      *Are all around     There would never be peace any where. Not in the Alpha quadrant, not in the Delta quadrant. There would always be death and pain.       *Look at me I'm watching worlds crumble      *Look at me I'm making walls tumble      *Take my hand, Oh! Lord it's all I've got      *Look at me I'm watching worlds crumble     It was all to he could give. His trust, his help, the silent promise to help them out. Another silent promise made only to be broken.       *With their hearts they ask me to stay      *One life, one voice, calling me      *I see their eyes and I can't look away      *Oh! God why do people have to suffer everyday      *I know, there's more than just you      *You know it's all I can do..........*     The pain didn't go away. It intensified until his clear blue eyes couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and the tears spilled forth. The soft sounds of crying could be heard through the quiet sickbay.      The pain of one man, who tried to do what was right in a world of wrong, was released.     The holographic doctor stood quietly in his office and listened to the crying of a young man who had known too much pain in life. ***************************************************************     B'Elanna couldn't sleep. Her mind was still awake with the pained look of Tom's eyes etched into it.       Turning over onto her stomach, she buried her face into the pillow.  She was still for a few seconds and then flopped back over onto her back.  She was not going to get any sleep tonight.     Kicking the covers off the bed, she got up. No need to be laying down when one couldn't sleep. She had a few reports she could work on that weren't due till tomorrow afternoon.      Forgoing the robe, she wasn't leaving her quarters. Many crew members wore T-shirts and shorts to bed. Nothing revealing there. She never had a need for fancy sleepwear.       Walking out into the main room, she stopped in her tracks.  Looking back at her was Tom Paris. His eyes and face were red from crying and he still wore the blue medical gown he had worn since his rescue from the planet.           "I needed...needed...to see you,"  his raspy voice brought sound to the quiet room. "I need to be held by you."     Tom would never have to ask her twice for anything. In one swift movement, she took him into her arms and led him to her bed. There she tucked him in and sat with him while he cried on her shoulder.      She didn't need to offer words to him. He had no use for them right now. He needed to be held so he could deal with what had happened, so he could tell her about it.  Strangely enough, she was learning something new each day about the man she loved deeply.  Learning the many facets of Tom Paris was always rewarding.     For the next two hours she rocked him gently as he cried to his heart's content. Then when he had exhausted his tears, she laid his head on the pillow and tucked the covers up around him. She gave him a sad look and pulled a chair up to the side of the bed. With a data padd in hand, she began working on reports that were not due until the next afternoon.     Something was different.  The bed was too soft and the pillow was too comfortable.      Turning over, Tom saw the sleeping form of B'Elanna curled up in the chair. Her chin resting on her chest and a data padd in her hand.  Had she slept like that all night?     He laid there for sometime and watched her sleep. She seemed at peace while sleeping. No cares, no anger, just a beautiful woman.      Then he realized how dumb he must have looked. His eyes were sore and the pain still fresh. He closed his eyes for a moment and opened them to see a  pair of brown eyes watching him closely.      B'Elanna was still waking up when he saw her looking at him. She couldn't hide her concern for him no matter how hard she tried.           "I had no idea where I was," he began quietly and softly. "I found myself in a city that was in ruins and people who had become victims in some sort of war.  This woman came running to me, begging me to help her.  I didn't understand her, but I went with her. She lead me to a place where the rubble had collapsed. Her violet eyes were filled with tears and pain. I heard the faint crying of a child and started digging. I couldn't let a child suffer like that."   Tom closed his eyes and pictured the face of the boy who smiled at him after he pulled him out of the rubble. Opening them, he continued on, "The boy had to be about seven years old. He had the blackest hair and the brownest eyes I've ever seen, and a smile that would knock anyone off their feet.      "The woman gave me clean clothes and something to eat. They didn't have much and they offered me what they had. I sat down and offered the bowl of food to the boy who climbed up on my lap. We sat there with his mother and ate until the food was gone and the boy fell asleep.     "It had been a long time since I've had a child fall asleep in my arms. I had forgotten how fragile they are and how wonderful they are.  His head rested against my heart, he was lulled to sleep by my beating heart. His mother had fallen asleep against my shoulder. She was tired and scared, but managed to be strong. She was beautiful with her deep black hair all disheveled. I looked down and thought about you. The color was so close, I thought you were there with me."     B'Elanna leaned over and took his hand in hers and squeezed tightly. She wanted him to go on and didn't want to interrupt him. She wanted to know what happened to him so she could help him later.      She wasn't going to let her anger show over this woman. This would be one topic to discuss with Tom at a later date.            "The next morning the blasts began,"  Tom said as tears began welling up in his clear eyes. "Dirt and rubble began to fall and we had to get out.  Once outside, it was chaos. People were running and screaming as the blasts continued. I looked up and saw one that was going to hit close to where we were. I threw them down and covered them. I prayed to who ever might be listening, to protect us. And prayed for Voyager to come. I thought about you and the last time I kissed you and about other things until everything went black."          "Then you woke up in sickbay only to find those you protected were gone,"  she said tracing a tear that rolled down his cheek. "You did what any person of your honor would do. You didn't know that blast was going to kill those people."          "I failed them,"  he replied with a sob. "Just like I failed my father, my mother, my sisters and my friends."   She firmly grabbed his face between her hands and made him look at her. There he saw that fire that burned in her and it made him feel stronger.          "Thomas Eugene Paris,"  she softly growled. "Listen closely because I'm only going to say this just once. You did not fail anybody!  You might think you did but you didn't. Failure is something that happens when you don't care. But I know you, you care.  That is why I love you."     His blue eyes closed as the tears began to fall again. B'Elanna slid out of the chair and onto her knees and buried her face against his neck and held him. Softly she whispered, "Someday Tom, those who have done you wrong will see the man I see in you. They will see why I love you."     Tom sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around the woman who stole his heart.  He was never going to let her go. Never.      Voyager continued on its journey home, and the crew continued on also. The planet was a brief memory for Tom. It would be something he would never forget.     The holodeck provided a release for the crew. A place to let down the "Starfleet" attitude and just relax.  Tom always had a program for something, especially morale.     Harry Kim wiped the water off his face and reached into the bucket. The water filled balloon sloshed about in his hand. He started out for his intended target with an evil grin on his face.      B'Elanna stepped around the tree with a water balloon in her hands. Harry was going to get wet again. She was already wet thanks to Harry, Tom, Chakotay and Neelix. So many people to get back, so many balloons to do it with.      Tom was running across the green grass laughing wildly as Janeway was hot on his heels with a water balloon in hand.          "Come on Captain!"  Tom yelled.  "You're not that old!"          "Just wait Mr. Paris,"  she laughed jumping over a wet Ops officer who was pounded by a chief engineer. "You will get it!"     Tuvok and Seven watched from the side lines. It was childish play for the humans.          "Why do they find getting wet is funny?"   Seven replied as she saw Chakotay nail Harry with a balloon.           "It is a human thing,"  Tuvok replied with a raised eyebrow.          "Do all humans....play?"   Seven inquired as Tom launched a balloon at Neelix and it exploded on impact.          "All of the time,"  Tuvok answered and ducked as a balloon sailed past his head. Seven wasn't so lucky and was stunned by the feel of the cool water on her chest and face.          "Sorry,"  Chakotay called out with a smirk. "Really."  Seven looked to Tuvok and back at Chakotay who was trying hard not to laugh.           "I don't think the Commander is sincere,"  replied Seven with a raised eyebrow.          "Let's make sure he is," Tuvok replied reaching down into the bucket of balloons and pulling one out.      Seven grinned slightly as the balloon sailed passed Chakotay and hit Tom with a loud splash.           "Oops, my mistake,"  Tuvok said as dispassionately as a Vulcan could.      It was the first time in a long time Kathryn Janeway fell to the ground in a fit of laughter over the aim of a Vulcan. She would have to ask him about his aim and if he was really aiming at Chakotay.        The End.July/August 98