Dear Tara, I am including my story " The Gift of Hope" for posting to the archive. Thanks so much! J.D. Subj: (PTF)New Story: The Gift of Hope Date: 2/19/98 From: Blushirt4@aol.com (J.D.) To: PTFever@nextdim.com AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a first for me. I've been reading so many great stories lately I thought why not give it a try? I really loved the "Hunters" ep. And felt that they were holding something back about Tom's letter from home. This is my take on it. Let me know what you think, but please be kind, my ego bruises easily. :) DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns plenty. I own far less. This is just for fun and to fill up my otherwise dull life. I look not for monetary rewards but rather heaps of praise! Please enjoy! "Hunters" Epilogue The Gift of Hope (ST:VOY;PG; P/T) By: J.D. B'Elanna sat in her quarters staring at the data padd as she recorded her personal log. She had left Neelix's party early, apologizing to Tom, saying that she was too upset by her recent news to stay and watch the others enjoying their good news from home. Her heart was torn by the look of disappointment that spread across Tom's face when he offered to go with her and offer comfort, but she turned him down cold, effectively ending any discussion on his part. *How could I?* she thought. All the pain, desperation and anger she had been suppressing suddenly rose to the surface. All she could see were the bodies of her friends, people she shared good times with, lying dead on some god-forsaken battlefield. *Life just wasn't fair* she thought. *How could I burden Tom with these feelings when I know what he must be going through?* The party continued to swirl around Tom as he leaned against the bar in Sandrines. He wasn't even aware of the drink in his hands when a familiar voice called out to him. "Hey, Tom," cried Harry Kim's excited voice,have you seen B'Elanna around?" His eyes impatiently searched through the partygoers. "Sorry, Harry" Tom replied, somewhat distractedly, "you just missed her." Disappointment marred Harry's boyish features. "That's too bad. I really wanted to thank her for working so hard to retrieve my family's letter. I just can't tell you how wonderful it was to hear..." suddenly his voice trailed off. *Oh my God, how stupid can I be!* Harry thought. He had heard of the attempt to get Tom's letter but was so caught up in the excitement that he had momentarily forgotten that Tom hadn't actually received the letter that B'Elanna desperately tried to retrieve. The hurt played across Harry's face like an open book. Tom, on the other hand, had schooled his features into a perfect mask. A skill Tom had never failed to use when things got a little rough. The sadness and disappointment he felt didn't mar an otherwise serene expression he wore. "Look Tom, I didn't mean to go off like that," stammered Harry mortified. "Hey, no problem," replied Tom breezily. "I'm just glad you had some good news." "Not everyone was so lucky" he said inaudibly. "Anyway, it looks like the captain and Chakotay are a little chummy tonight," he said smoothly changing the subject. Sure enough, there in the middle of the dance floor stood the commander and the captain gently swaying to the soft music playing in the bar. They did not seen aware of the others staring and whispering about the dancers on the floor. A small and fleeting smile flashed across Tom's face. *It's about time she found some happiness and comfort in another's arms.* Still, there seemed to be a touch of sadness in her eyes. But her mouth held a sly smile for her dance partner (she was fully aware of all the attention they were gathering) and let her stoic captain's persona slip just a little. *If anyone deserved to be happy it was Captain Janeway, *thought Tom.* Even if the object of her happiness turned out to be Chakotay,*he jokingly thought. "Wow," Harry's voice brought Tom back from his musings. "The betting's going to be hot and heavy on this one!" "Harry, Harry, Harry" sighed his friend, "no one will take that bet - its a sure thing. Now if you wanted to place a wager on 7 of 9 and..." "Never mind!" Harry snapped back. "I think I'll go see if Neelix has anything edible left to eat," he spat as he rushed off a little tweaked. *It's just so easy to get to him* thought Tom sadly. *Why did I do that? He's my best friend. I can't afford to tread on his feelings so easily. I should know, I've spent too much of my like as a doormat for dear ole dad.* Looking down at his now empty glass, he figured another drink (a real one this time) might help to bury those feelings that were threatening to resurface after all this time. How many years have gone by, he pondered, and all it takes is the hint of communication from home and those memories come flooding back as though they happened yesterday. "Look what I did daddy," said the little blond haired boy, as he went running up to his father with a creased crayon drawing of a spaceship clutched in his tiny hand, his face beaming. "Not now Tom, please. Can't you see that I'm busy! Go show it to your mother," barked his father. He never noticed the dejected expression cross his son's face or the mumbled reply of "but I made it just for you" quietly escape his lips. But youth has resilience. Tom's passion burned brightly. He had been fascinated by planes and spaceships and flying since he was able to walk. His mother, recognizing his desire, did all she could to encourage it, buying him books and vids as well as models when he grew older. It had seemed that nothing could dampen his spirits when he spoke of flying and the freedom it could bring. Just the thought of being in control of one's own destiny when sitting in the pilot's seat sent his heart racing. As the years went by his extraordinary skills grew. Calling home on that crisp fall day, Tom couldn't wait to speak with his family, especially his father. He couldn't wait to break the good news! He'd done it! Finally, something to make the Admiral proud. He'd tried many time before but never quite succeeded. Well, this time will be different! The youngest cadet to pass his flight test the very first time with the best score! Sure, there were others who passed as well, but none were as young or talented as Tom. "Is this what you called me out of a meeting for, Thomas?!" snarled his father. "Of course I expected you to pass your flight test. Your name is Paris, isn't it? I didn't expect anything less. How else do you plan on becoming an exemplary Starfleet officer? You are going to have to work hard and not slack off! Attaining a goal too easily means that you probably did not set a high enough goal to begin with. You'll never make command rank with that attitude!! I hate to say what a disappointment you turned out to be. Reach higher and you may make something of yourself." He went on and on but Tom didn't hear a word of it. It was as though someone had ripped out his heart and replaced it with a block of ice. Numbed, he didn't even remember severing the connection or uttering a word of farewell. *Not good enough, never good enough. What a pathetic excuse for a son am I. Another disappointment to add to the others. It seems that the only thing I can do well doesn't mean very much to him. Sometimes I wonder..why bother?* He felt as if a part of him, an important part, had died. Memory fades as time passes but some emotions run so deep and are etched so indelibly in our minds that a single event can resurrect those feelings in a heartbeat. And mixed with those feelings are the glimmerings of hope. A desire to believe in something so deeply that the mind clings to that hope like a drowning man to a bit of flotsam. Entangled in those bitter memories, Tom still held on to the belief that somewhere, deep inside, his father held a love for his son that came, oh so naturally, to others. Thinking back to what B'Elanna had said in the astrometrics lab, be began the slow process of healing. Letting those awful memories fade, he concentrated instead on the possibility that, after all the time that had passed, his father had come to appreciate all that his son had now become. Someone to make him truly proud. Putting down his empty glass, Tom waved goodnight to Harry and gave Captain Janeway a mischievous wink on the way out. He briefly thought about stopping by B'Elanna's quarters before going to his but nixed the idea almost immediately. *She's either asleep or probably wants to be left alone. I'll try to talk to her tomorrow, maybe then she'll let me help,* he thought as his footsteps echoed on the empty deck. But B'Elanna was not asleep. Still staring at the data padd, she roused herself enough to type in the last entry. She had already poured her heart out to Chakotay but now had nothing left to say and no energy left to say it with. She felt spent and totally drained. Right now the wound was too fresh. It would scab over with time. Maybe then she could record her thoughts and final farewells to her friends and lay their memories to rest. As she reached over to put the padd on the table, her hand accidently knocked another padd to the floor. Reaching down to retrieve it, her breath caught as she realized which one it was. Carefully she looked at the message displayed on the tiny screen. There was only a piece but it was easily read. "Please tell me that it wasn't your doing that stranded all those competent Starfleet officers out in the delta quadrant! Why....have they picked YOU to...? You've.....the Paris name!" The message truly broke up after that and no matter what B'Elanna did she could not recover any more of it. In truth, she didn't want to. After reading that beginning, the intent was all too clear. *Tom will NEVER see this message* her Klingon side menacingly thought. *I'll not be the one to crumble the foundation that Tom has started to build his life upon. Yes, she argued with herself, I'm acting as judge and jury, but I love him and no one, especially not his father, is going to hurt him this deeply. Not if I can help it!* As these thought went through her mind, B'Elanna's own passions ignited her anger yet again. *Why would he do this? How could he do this?! Didn't he experience regret when hearing of his only son's death? Only to be ecstatic with the good news that he had been found?! Wouldn't that change anyone's perceptions? Doesn't he realize how important it is to have a father's love. To see respect and pride reflected in your father's eyes and to know it's all because of you? These were familiar questions to B'Elanna as well. How many times did she ask them herself? In a child's mind, there is no one above her daddy. And no matter how old we will grow, he is the one we will look to for approval and acceptance. B'Elanna's trust and her childhood vision were ripped away when her father left without a reason. What could she have done to make him stay? Could she have changed his mind? Could Tom change his father's mind when it came to his opinion of his son? Letting him live with the lie was the only decent thing she felt she could do. Determination spread across B'Elanna's features and the love she felt for Tom shone in her eyes. Offering the gift of hope that, yes, his father could accept and forgive him and now be proud of his only son - B'Elanna serenely looked at the padd in her hand, picturing Tom's hopeful expression in her mind, and ever so gently touched the delete key and put the padd away. End