IT'S JUST THE RAIN By Betty Phipps/Aries4116@aol.com DISCLAIMERS: We all know what Paramount owns. We acknowledge that, give it life when we create our stories. Without Paramount, Tom Paris would cease to exist as would the rest of the Star Trek universe. Therefore. we bow down to them. Premise of Story: This takes place before "Message In A Bottle". I'm waiting to see what will happen a few episodes later. This is told in Tom's point of view. Idea of Story: This is the result of being sick, computerless and listening to the rain. Although I must admit a little inspiration from a Journey song called "It's Just The Rain". Must have been the sound of the rainstorm from the song combined with the rain outside. What can I say??? Rating: Well.....this is rated PG. Just emotional stuff. It's Just The Rain I'm sitting alone in Sandrine's, watching the rain fall outside. I watch the rain as it hits the window and rolls down the smooth glass to the foundation. There are small puddles of water that are pooling on the ground outside. It's Just The Rain At one time I could walk through the pouring rain. stepping into the puddles not caring about how cold and wet it was. I would walk in the rain for hours. Just walk around with no particular destination planned. I would enjoy the quiet, the softness of the rain as it rolled down my face. I have often wonder why the rain is so relaxing to walk in, or just to watch. What is it that draws me to the sound of the rain? Is it the peaceful feeling that I feel inside my soul? Is it the sound of my voice when I don't have one? Or is it all those silent tears I never cried? If that is the case, I guess I will have to find a way to dam up the Delta quadrant. It's Just The Rain It was during my adolescent years that I became fascinated with the sound of the rain. It was a way to cope with the times when me and my father stopped seeing eye to eye about things. It was also a way to escape the hurt that always followed. At nights I would lay in bed and listen to the sound of the rain as it hit the roof, caress the leaves and play against the window. I would lay there for hours imagining what it would feel like to be a raindrop. Being asorbed by the earth regardless of who you were or what you did not accomplish. Mother earth accepted all without question. It's Just The Rain I can feel the rain as it beats against the glass. It drums out a rhythm that is the same but different. It is almost like a lullaby, slowly and gently willing one to sleep. I watch the motion of the water as it rolls down the window pane. It does not always travel in a straight line, it is filled with lots of jagged turns. Most of the time, I'm content just to watch the rain fall and not know where it goes. Much like my life, no direction and lots of jagged turns. My first jagged turn was Caldik Prime. Three people died due to my neglect as a pilot. I will forever live with their deaths on my soul. Nothing can or will change the mistake I made. I let down my father, destroyed what little faith he had in me. My Starfleet career ended like a star gone nova. In a heartbeat, I failed. The next jagged turn was with the Maquis after I was cashiered out of Starfleet. Chakotay hated me from the moment we met. The feeling was mutual of course. I was captured a short time later, letting Chakotay down and adding another failure to my life. While in prison, I had time to think about my failures and about the person I had become. I could no longer lie to myself...I was worthless and those around me never let me forget. I began to believe them, began to believe that there was nothing I could do right. Captain Kathryn Janeway came along one day and changed my life for the better. She gave me something no one else was willing to....a chance. A chance to turn my life around. She believed in me, trusted me, took a chance on me. She made me feel useful, needed. I only hope I have not let her down. It would destroy me if I did. But the sound of the rain always comforted my soul, no matter where I was. It's Just The Rain How I would love to go walking through a real rainstorm and not a simulated one. What am I thinking?! The last rainstorm I went walking through I ended up being accused of a murder I didn't commit. I know I can be very callous at times but I would never murder anyone unless they were trying to kill me. It took Tuvok's logic for the truth and one mind meld to prove my innocence. I wonder how Tuvok deals with doing mind melds. I'm sure my mind would keep him occupied for hours. I'm quite a puzzle to solve, there are some missing pieces. I keep looking for a sign hanging in space saying: Rainstorms......5 lightyears ahead. Now I'm really wishing on a falling star. But one never knows when the opportunity will arise, so I will keep hoping until then. Do I know what will happen? No, I have no idea what will happen in the future. I'm along for the ride like everyone else. I can only look ahead because I know where I've been. It's Just The Rain Like a violent storm, B'Elanna Torres came crashing into my life. Hit me head on and left me wondering what in the hell happened. I question the powers that be about B'Elanna and I sometimes. How could she like me enough to call me a friend when she knows about my jaded past? Not to mention the way I flirt with all the women on the ship. I found myself being drawn to her quick wit, personality and her spirit. What made her so different from the other women I knew? I recall when she called me a pig. In a way I wasn't looking for that kind of comment. She was the only woman who told me exactly what was on her mind and made it very clear. Then the Vidians split B'Elanna's Klingon and Human sides into two separate beings. I got to see the human side of her. The side without the anger and passion that drove her. I saw how vulnerable she was and how much she tried to hide it. I even got to discover something about her childhood that made my stomach tighten. How much I wanted to reach out to her but it was not what she needed. She needed her other half, the half that shunned being vulnerable and weak. She needed the fight, the passion of a Klingon to complete who she was. Then and only then she would be the woman that I see. As usual, she would turn down my invitations to the holodeck and put me at bay. Then she would get very hostile when I would bring up Freddie Bristow and how he would always hang around engineering. Not to mention living life as a tabneran monk. Her defenses would go up faster than a Klingon Bird of Prey de-cloaking. When Vorik tried to mate with her, he set off a blood fever in her. Made her aggressive, volatile. I didn't notice it too much until she bit me on the cheek and took off after the galicite. I had no way of knowing that I would be hiding my feelings for her when she tried to mate with me. I knew she was not flying with both nacelles and I needed to be the one to make sure nothing would happen. I hated to see her suffer like that but, I would not have taken advantage of her situation. Vorik was bound and determined to mate with B'Elanna even if it ment disabling the ships transporters and shuttles and communications. By then she was leading me off into the heavy brush bound to mate with me. My mind was realing with fear, I promised I would not take advantage of her condition. I had to or she was going to die. All good things get spoiled. Vorik showed up and was in full Vulcan mating mode. So a challenge between B'Elanna and Vorik would purge the blood fever. I knew B'Elanna could fight, but I never thought she could fight like she did. Each hit she took I wanted to jump in and smash Vorik's face in. But this was her fight, not mine. Then it was done and she was in my arms, exhausted and dirty and back to normal. I have walked many streets in my life and have seen things that are often forgotten. As I walked the streets, I never was looking for love. Loving was done on the run in between bar fights and pilot jobs. There was never a relationship that lasted for more than one week. It's Just The Rain I'm not sure what happened after that. B'Elanna didn't seem to be that hostile towards me, even when I pushed her to do things that she didn't want to do. Especially when it came to her Klingon side, many times I wondered if I was going to die at her hands. I guess she wasn't too upset with me because I'm still in one piece. Granted a few bruises here and there but intact. Guess my medical training will help me more than it will others. I should invite B'Elanna to walk in the rain with me sometime. Just the two of us playing in the rain. I'm not sure if B'Elanna has ever walked in the rain before with someone special. I think she is someone special. I'm sure she will look at me like I lost my mind and ask me what brought that up. Then I will have to explain to her my fascination with the rain. I've never understood why it takes a moment of impending death for true feelings to be known. What is it about that last moment before dying that makes one confess their feelings? There we were, hanging onto each other in the silence of space. Breathing what was left of our oxygen supply, silently wanting more than the moment that was passing before us. When she said, "I love you." My heart stopped beating in my chest and my mind froze. Love?! Me?! Love me?!?! Her eyes reviled her emotions behind the trueness of her words. How I wanted to cradle her beautiful face in my hands and kiss her lips, all I could say was "You picked a fine time to tell me." I never expected those words from her, not this soon. I wanted to tell her I loved her also, but I couldn't find those words. But she knows, right?? She knows I love her...now if I could tell her. Love...it just the way it goes. It's Just The Rain Now more than ever I cherish the quiet nights we spend together, sharing dinner or a holo program. Just the two of us talking or wrapped up in a kiss, a long and sensual passionate lip lock. Only coming up for air when we need to. It has not gone any further than some major kissing and touching. It's like we are discovering what the other is like. What it feels like to touch someone without having it become sexual. Not that I haven't thought about it, but I want to discover B'Elanna slowly. I want to know everything there is to know about her. There is plenty of time to do that. I know that we will have moments in our relationship where we will hit some turbulence, but I will love her regardless. I seem to have forgotten the last time I sat in the bay window at Sandrine's. The numbed rear and stiff back were quickly forgotten. Next time I will make sure to add a huge pillow to this program. I'm sure the holo doc hasn't treated a numbed butt before. There is a first time for everything. One thing I didn't forget, comfortable clothes. It was worth the rations for the blue jeans and the white long sleeved shirt. I could get used to wearing jeans. They feel natural. I wonder if that was why Susan Nicoletti kept looking me up and down. I must look pretty damn good to attract attention like that. What can I say?? I'm just being me, and that is a job in its self! My last moment with the rain reminds me of a old Earth poet, Langston Hughes who wrote a poem called "April Rain Song". Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk. The rain makes running pools in the gutter. The rain plays a little sleep song on our roof at night-And I love the rain With one command, Sandrine's disappears and all that is left is the grid of the holodeck. The reality that I might never get to walk in a real rainstorm is more tangible. But what is real is the love I have for B'Elanna and the sound of the rain.