TEST OF TOM
                                                                             By 
                                                         Betty Phipps (Aries4116@aol.com)

     Okay....so stress does wonders to a mind. This six letter word has given me headaches 
and tommyaches over the last couple of weeks. As a result, my humor has suffered too. 
Not saying I had any humor to begin with.  Sometimes it is my humor that saves me from 
taking a long walk to a white padded room. Which this time of year, I have one reserved 
for such a need. 
     I wanted something...holiday like. Scary.....imagine......Christmas...this time of 
year!!  (It is only mid-November!)  Keep in mind this is the first holiday story I have 
written. Besides....who knows if Christmas is celebrated in the 24th Century or not?  But 
it would be Christmas any time of the year with Tom Paris!!
     DISCLAIMER:  As usual, we don't own much these days. Just story ideas and 
situations that TPTB at Paramount would never do.  So we use the characters, backdrops 
and space settings (sans our own) for the stories we write. We acknowledge the use of 
such. (I'm sure if you looked on the actors/actress's foot...you would find a copyrighted 
mark on them.)  So...credit is given to Paramount for such. We just play with their toys!!!
     This story takes place after The Year of Hell.  Appropriate enough for me!!!


                                                               TEST OF TOM

     The days began to blur together. Making it impossible to separate what was done and 
what wasn't. The mind sometimes doesn't know when to stop and rest. 
     Tom Paris held back a curse as his finger came in contact with a piece of sharp metal. 
Immediately he saw the three inch gash come to life on his left index finger. The blood 
quickly surfaced and he wiped it on his trousers and went back to work on helm control.  
What was left of it.
     Helm was severely damaged when the inertial dampers went off line, when Voyager 
encountered an unexpected meteor storm, during a diagnostic that engineering was running 
on the power conduits on Navigation. No one was at the helm when all the events met.
     Upon hearing of the demise of helm, Tom requested to repair it himself. He knew more 
about helm control than anyone on the ship. He refused to let engineering go near it, not 
even B'Elanna Torres, Voyager's chief engineer.  That was two days ago. 
     Captain Janeway watched Tom Paris jerk his hand back and wipe it on his pants and go 
right back to work.  She admired his effort in repairing helm control, but was a bit worried 
about his obsessing over it. At first it did not concern her, until B'Elanna Torres expressed 
her opinion of not having engineering involved with the repairs. Then Janeway learned that 
Tom did not want anyone near helm control, not even engineering.  She began checking up 
on Mr. Paris's routines for the last couple of days. She was not pleased to find that he 
hadn't been relaxing, spending time with Harry or B'Elanna. Confronting him was not 
something she wanted to do right now. At one time, she had been in the same situation that 
Tom was in now. A certain amount of pride was good, but it would come back in the end 
to get you. She pondered on the situation.
     Chakotay was a little worried about Tom also. This was not like him to obsess. Let 
alone threaten Torres and still be walking or living for that matter. The incident at Caldik 
Prime began nagging his mind. Three people died due to Tom's mistake. Chakotay began 
to wonder if those souls were haunting him, causing him to obsess over the repairs of the 
helm. Then again, Tom always wore a mask over what he was feeling or thinking. 
     Tom began thinking about Christmas, an ancient earth holiday, that he used to celebrate 
with his family.  Christmas was celebrated on December 25th, by the old earth calendar.  A 
smile crossed his face as he remembered being a little boy during Christmas.  A huge pine 
tree was decorated with lights and colorful bulbs, packages wrapped in shinny paper and 
covered in ribbons, and the image of a little boy staring at the sight before him. The smell 
of homemade cookies and bread were embedded into his memory. He always loved 
Christmas, it was the only time he ever felt close to his family. Echoes of memories past 
would always fill his heart, and be with him forever. 
     Picking up a hydrospanner, he knew today was December 24th, Christmas Eve day.  
Not all celebrated such an ancient holiday, but he did. Silently and alone, with the 
memories of Christmas past.  This year was going to be different.  He had began planning 
for this day a month ago. Saving replicator rations, enduring Neelix's cooking was going 
to pay off.  He couldn't wait.  He began to wonder if B'Elanna would understand his love 
for Christmas. The enjoyment of sharing gifts with those who were special to him. 
Suddenly it didn't matter if she understood or not, he wasn't going to feel hurt. 
     Janeway could see Tom smile under the helm. She began to wonder what he was up to, 
and who was going to be the recipient.  *"With Tom Paris......one never knows."*   She 
thought to herself.  It was nice to see him smile, especially after the last couple of days.  
She couldn't wait to see the old Tom Paris again. Tom crawled out from the helm with a 
victorious smile.
          "He emerges."  Janeway said in response to seeing all of him and not just his legs. "I 
was starting to think you were becoming part of the helm."   
          "I think my skin tone would clash with the gray decor."  Tom said with a smile. 
     Chakotay was glad also to see all of Tom, finally. But there was something in the young 
pilots eyes that made him worry still.  *"When in the hell did I start to worry about Tom 
Paris?!"*   He asked himself in surprise. It was a legitimate question, and he didn't have an 
answer. Not yet. 
          "Helm is up and running."  Tom beamed as he sat down in the chair and brought life 
back to the helm.  His hands became one with the counsol.  
     B'Elanna Torres was watching the readings as helm was brought back on-line. She had 
to give Tom credit for being able to fix things, but she was still going to have a chat with 
about brushing her off with the repairs on helm.  She couldn't be that ticked at him, she 
loved him. 
      Tom turned around to Janeway. "Permission to test helm?"
          "Granted."  She said and watched him swing around in the chair and prepare to run 
his test. 
          "Fasten your seatbelts, Tom is driving."  Chakotay announced to the bridge crew. 
     Seven turned around from her station in front of Security and raised an eyebrow at 
Tuvok, "Humor. It is irrelevant."  She turned back to her station. 
          "It can be."  Tuvok replied with a neutral look. 
          "Hang on to your panty hose, here we go."  Tom announced and Voyager 
disappeared into the vastness of  space as Tom began his test.  He put the ship through 
every turn, dive and warp speed he could obtain. 
     Janeway and Chakotay started to feel like they had no control over the ship...they 
didn't!!    Tuvok, Seven and Harry were sitting down where they stood earlier and hanging 
on.   Harry knew how wicked Tom could be when flying. 
    Twenty minutes later, Tom brought Voyager back to a normal cruising speed and less 
erratic course and turned to Janeway and Chakotay. He could see every one sitting down 
and holding onto something. 
          "Was I driving too fast or radically?"  He asked with a smirk.
          "Not at all Mr. Paris."  Janeway replied folding her hands in her lap. "What makes 
you think that?"
          "Well....."  Tom began, "you don't hang on to your chair unless we are under attack 
or the inertial dampers go off line."  He replied. 
          "Did helm perform to your liking?"  Chakotay asked. "I hope it did. Neelix's 
breakfast won't stay down with  another test like that."   Janeway chucked at the 
commander. 
          "Helm did great."  Tom replied. "It was better than before."
          "Here I thought Voyager couldn't get any better."  Janeway said to Chakotay. 
          "There is always room for improvement."  Seven said matter of factly.   Snickers 
and chuckles filled the bridge. 
     Tom stayed on the bridge until the shift change. He wanted to fill Ensign Marks in on 
some of the changes that were made to helm.  Marks on the other hand was itching to check 
out the modifications that Paris made. 
     Stepping into the turbo lift, Tom closed his eyes and told the computer where he wanted 
to go.  He was tired and pushed himself beyond his limit. It didn't feel right not to see 
something through. He loved Voyager, it was his home.
The door opened and he stepped out and headed to his quarters.
          "What are you doing tonight?"  Harry Kim asked catching up with Tom.
          "Get some sleep."  Tom said rubbing his eyes. "It is finally catching up with me."
          "I'd say so. A couple of days without sleep and fixing helm, no wonder your tired."  
Harry stated flatly.
          "Word travels fast."  Tom said stopping outside of his quarters. "Guess the whole 
ship knows about me ticking B'Elanna off."
          "Not to mention wondering why your still alive."  Harry shot back. 
          "What is that suppose to mean?"    
          "You seem to have forgotten." Harry said. "B'Elanna took it to heart. She felt bad 
for what happened to helm."
          "And you know this........"  Tom trailed the sentence off.
          "Because you have been obsessing over helm and not talking to B'Elanna."  Harry 
turned on his heel and walked away.
          "Brilliant Paris...real bright."  He muttered to himself and walked into his darkened 
quarters.  He walked into the bed room and sat down on the bed and began taking his boots 
off.  He feel back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling.  *When did life get so 
complicated?*  He mused quietly.  *Was it the day I was born or the day.......*    He 
stopped thinking.  It began to give him a headache.  He rolled off the bed and walked into 
the bathroom and began to undress.  A hot shower and some rest was much needed. 
     He called up a real shower with water and stepped into the hot stream of liquid. The 
water pounded on his body, relaxing muscles that were tighter than a knot in a rope. His 
mind began to clear and his thoughts were turned to the Christmas feeling.  
     B'Elanna sat in her quarters toying with a data padd, which was starting to show signs 
of wear and tear. She didn't know she was banging it on the table until the padd broke in 
half. Tossing the broken padd down, she stood up and began to pace in the room.  Tom 
clouded her thoughts and her heart. She loved him and it scared her.  Maybe that is why 
she wore the red velvet dress that he gave to her for her birthday. The black hose and heels 
were a little much, but she liked it. 
     She began to reach for the clasp in the back when the door chime announced a visitor.  
Quickly she went to the door and opened it.  Her mouth dropped to the floor.
     Tom Paris stood there, dressed in black slacks and a red shirt that was unbuttoned just 
below the neck. He wore a soft smile. B'Elanna noticed the chest hair beneath the opened 
shirt and the smell of his aftershave. It was tweaking her senses into overload. 
           "I thought you were never going to wear that dress."  Tom asked gently.
           "Ummm....I didn't think I would. But..........."  She trailed off.
           "But what?"
           "I've missed you the last couple of days."  She said remembering to breathe. 
           "Will you let me explain?"  Tom questioned.
           "Yes. It had better be good."  She smiled.
           "Lets take a walk."  Tom asked holding her hand out to her. She grinned and took 
his hand.  They left her quarters and went to the holodeck. 
            "So what kind of program have you cooked up this time?"  B'Elanna asked with a 
smirk.   Tom smiled at her and replied,  "I think you will like this."
     
     They walked into a huge ballroom decorated with the decorations of an old fashioned 
Christmas.  B'Elanna stepped away from Tom and began walking in circles and looking 
around in awe.  A huge pine tree sat by the window, decorated with colorful ornaments and 
lights that twinkled. Brightly wrapped packages were stacked under the tree and against the 
wall. 
     There was the smell of fresh cookies and bread filling the air and making her hungry. 
She looked back at Tom who was watching her with guarded interest.
             "I remember one Christmas before my father left."  B'Elanna said quietly looking 
back at the tree. "I had never imagined a day filled with love and gifts. I couldn't sleep 
because I was excited, I wanted to know what was wrapped up that I couldn't see."  She 
walked back to Tom, "It was only one Christmas in my life. My father left before I could 
have one more."
     Tom replied,  "I wasn't sure how or if you knew about Christmas. I wanted to share 
with you something that I missed as I got older, as my life changed. I lost many things to 
my mistakes and I didn't want to lose you to one of my mistakes again."
             "Oh...I see." B'Elanna said. "This little thing about helm has gotten to you has it?"
             "It has."  Tom said running his hands through his hair. "I didn't mean to brush 
you off with the repairs. Yes, I was obsessing. Yes, I felt it was my responsibility to make 
sure helm worked better than ever."
             "Now we got that out of the way."  She dryly said. "Now tell me the real reason 
why you wouldn't let me help you fix helm?"
      He froze in mid breath as her eyes locked with his. Her look was stern but gentle, she 
wanted a answer, the real one.
Tom remembered to breathe and took a few short steps towards her. Being vulnerable was 
something new to him.  He gazed down into her eyes and softly said, "I was afraid that 
your spirit would come back to haunt me if I let you under that helm. I know it doesn't 
make sense, but to me it does."
              "My spirit?  Haunt you?"  She gave him a funny look. "You are making no sense 
at all Tom. What made you afraid that I would haunt you if I helped you fixed the helm?"
              "It seems like everytime something happens, I see those faces of those who died 
because of me."  Tom's voice faded in pain. "I couldn't deal with that again. Not now."
              "Caldik Prime."  B'Elanna said just as quietly. "Do they haunt you?  Or have you 
not let go of that?"   She was greeted with a stunned look of anger from him.  "Tom, you 
have paid for your mistake more than a million times. It is time to let go. The future holds 
more for you than the past."
              "So are you going to stand beside me and say that when we get back home?"  
              "I'll stand here and say it and back in the Alpha quadrant as well. Don't push me 
away."
              "I don't want to push you away."  He said with a smile. "I'm afraid you will 
leave." 
              "Tom it is going to take more than your past to make me leave."  He sighed a 
smiled. He walked over to one of the huge Christmas trees and picked up a medium sized 
package and walked back to her.
     She smiled at the sudden shy almost embarrassed look on his face. He looked so 
vulnerable, as she accepted the shinny red package. 
               "Thank you."  She barely whispered. "It...has been a long time...since...I got a 
Christmas present."  Tom then lead her over to a small cough and they sat down. 
     B'Elanna looked at him and back down at the package. "I...I didn't get you anything."
               "Don't worry. You just being here with me is enough for me."
     She slowly began to unwrap the package, afraid to damage what was inside of it. Her 
hands shook as she removed the blue ribbon that held the lid down on a wooden box. 
Slowly, she opened the lid. Her eyes widened in awe of the sight in the box. Looking at 
Tom, she smiled removing two glass roses. 
     Each rose was different, yet the same. One rose was as red as blood and the other was 
as blue as the sky. Each shared the same dark green stem. Then the roses began to glow 
their respective colors. 
                 "Oh...they are beautiful!"  She said amazed of the shimmering color. "You made 
this for me?"
                 "Yes, for you."  Tom smiled widely at her. "I decided to put my imagination to 
work. It reacts with the heat from your touch."  She put the glass roses back into the box 
and brought his lips to hers for a kiss. 
     Gently at first, her lips rested against his, letting him make the next move. Then his lips 
opened up to hers and they began to explore.
     Harry, Kathryn, Chakotay and Tuvok stood quietly as the scene unfolded before them. 
This wasn't to surprising. but still....
                   "So this is what Tom as been upto for the last month."  Kathryn said noting the 
detail. "He did a great job."
                   "It almost feels like I'm home for Christmas."  Harry said inhaling the smells 
of fresh food. "Not a trace of leola root."
                   "Thank the maker for that."  Kathryn said with a grin.  Chakotay stifled a 
laugh. 
     Tom and B'Elanna pulled away feeling like they were being watched. They were. 
Standing up, Tom walked over to them, B'Elanna following close behind.
                   "I'm glad you all came before the rest of the crew were due."  Tom said. "I 
wanted to share with you, my family, what Christmas means to me. I know not all of you 
celebrate this ancient holiday, but it wouldn't be Christmas if you weren't here."
                   "If we had any idea..." Kathryn said admiring the decor. "I would have lended 
a hand. This is beautiful."
                   "Why didn't you say anything?"  Harry asked with a little brother look. "I 
would have loved to help."
                   "Then it wouldn't be my gift to you all."  He said looking down at his feet, 
feeling a little embarrassed. 
     Kathryn walked over to Tom and gave him a hug. "It is a beautiful gift. Thank you for 
inviting us. I'm sorry we didn't change into something more appropriate."
                    "Don't be sorry."  He said. "Your being here is good enough for me."
Harry walked over and gave him a little brother hug, "So do I have to eat before I get to 
open my present?"   
                    "Yes you do."  Chakotay spoke up. "Because the aroma of food is making me 
very hungry."   Kathryn laughed, "I have to agree with Chakotay on that."
                    "I look forward to sampling the cuisine."  Tuvok spoke up. "My stomach as 
you humans would say, rumbling."
     They all headed toward the tables that the food sat on. The cheer was incredible. Tom 
watched for a moment before joining them. It had been a long time since there was a true 
cheer for Christmas in his life. It made him feel.....wonderful. He quickly exhaled, trying 
to keep his feelings from getting away from him. 
     B'Elanna stood beside Tom and watched him put a hold on his emotions. This was one 
time he couldn't hide behind that mask he wore. 
     Without one word, B'Elanna took his hand in hers and squeezed tightly. He looked at 
her and saw her smile. "So are those spirits still haunting you?"    Tom looked up and 
didn't see a thing or feel anything. "No. I no longer see those spirits. Only you."
                 "Good, now lets go eat."  She smiled leading him to the table and to their only 
family. 
     The lone box sat on the couch surrounded by pieces of the wrapping. Inside, the light 
from the roses glowed brightly.

                                  The End......