Summary - Two months into Tom and B'Elanna's 
relationship, they have hit a speed bump.  A simple 
date ends with a striking conclusion.  Told from 
Tom's POV.

WARNING this story is NC-17.  No one under 18 
should be reading this story.  It contains sex and 
mild violence.  It also is quite introspective and 
emotional, so if you don't like sentimentalism, you 
have been warned.  

Disclaimer - Paramount, and its parent Viacom, own 
everything Star Trek, I am only borrowing the 
characters from Voyager.  I promise to return them 
before curfew, without trying to pick their 
pockets, however this story is mine.

Thanks to my beta readers for their help!  Thanks 
to everyone on the list for their inspiring 
stories.  Of course, without Robbie and Roxann's 
wonderful job of bringing the characters to life, 
this story would never work.  Comments, as always 
are welcome and desired.

What did I say?
By Riss
mencher@scf.usc.edu

I sat in my quarters wondering what I had done 
wrong this time.  I know that bringing up certain 
subjects with B'Elanna was never a good idea, but I 
don't even know what I said that was so bad.  I'm 
still in pain from her reaction.  I can't believe I 
let her sucker punch me in the gut.  Good thing I 
had skipped bringing along Neelix's leola root 
casserole for the picnic!  

Everything had been going great.  Now that we had 
been seeing each other 'officially' for over two 
months, we were having a good time.  Of course the 
important detail is that its all in the past tense, 
since it's over now.  It all started out as a 
simple date in my new holodeck program.

"Your going to love this B'Elanna!"  I, of course 
had on my most winning smile
"Yeah right.  The last time you said that, we ended 
up in the middle of Klingon battle,"  B'Elanna said 
with a scowl that didn't reach her sparkling eyes.
"Well," with a pout on my face, "if you don't want 
to come in, I will just take a stroll though the 
hills of Griffith Park by myself."
"With, or without the smog?"
"2300, you can see clear to the ocean, which helps 
as we watch the sun set into the Pacific while 
eating a picnic dinner.  Though, I must admit, 
Neelix made the dinner.  I used the last of my 
rations on dessert."  Since she didn't seem too 
happy about going yet, I added with a teasing 
smile, "something with chocolate!"
"Well, I guess I can put up with you for a little 
while.  Plus, I love seeing the lights of the city.  
Stars are wonderful, but after three years, it 
would be nice to see the light of a bustling 
planet.  How did you know that I like Griffith 
Park?"
"You said that on your one trip down to coast from 
San Francisco, you were fascinated by the hills 
that ring Los Angeles.  Once in a while I used to 
go hiking in those hills, so I thought it would be 
a good trip."  I really didn't want to talk about 
that, so I tried to hurry things up.  "Anyway, are 
we going in, or not?"
I love seeing her smile, and the one she threw at 
me was beautiful.  "Lead on, Flyboy!"

That's one thing I have never told her, how much I 
love that she calls me nicknames.  I used to be 
jealous when she called Harry Starfleet, since it 
was something I wasn't a part of.  Now, I have my 
own nickname, so I know I am an important part of 
B'Elanna's life, or so I thought.

As we entered the holodeck, even I had to gasp at 
how beautiful it was.  Sometimes I outdo myself 
when I get focused on a holo-program.  The trees 
were the brilliant green of late winter.  The air 
had the crisp feel of the day after rain, however 
the warm afternoon sun of February in Southern 
California had left the ground dry.  The clear 
skies allowed an unimpeded view to the blue 
Pacific.  I would have kept reflecting, but 
B'Elanna grabbed my arm.  

"Flyboy, stick to landscapes.  This is gorgeous.  
How did you get the trees so green?"
"I programmed the computer to put us the day after 
a rain-storm.  That was how I first saw these 
hills, and I wanted to recapture that beauty, but I 
think the computer managed to make it even better 
then I set out to program.  So, Bella, want to go 
for a hike before dinner?"

"Klingons do not have nicknames!"

That was my first mistake of the evening, but of 
course, it would only get worse.  "OK, B'Elanna, 
lets head off to work up an appetite before dinner.  
Although, I'm open to other suggestions," as I 
wiggled my eyebrows.

She ignored the implications and took off ahead of 
me.  She has a certain way of walking when she is 
angry, and it almost seemed as if she had taken off 
with that walk.  *Way to go Tom, now you have blown 
the afternoon...*  However, she turned around and 
wiggled her eyebrows at me.  "Well, are you coming, 
or do I have to eat this mysterious dessert all by 
myself?"

"Don't worry B'Elanna, I'll follow you anywhere"  
Then she let out one of her all too rare laughs.  I 
thought that I would float up the hills.  I raced 
up to her, grabbed her hand, and took off up the 
trail.  Soon we were running and laughing up the 
trail.  We were so relaxed with each other.  I 
thought that B'Elanna was finally becoming 
comfortable with the idea of me in her life.  

I hope so, since I have fallen hopelessly in love 
with her.  I can't tell her that yet, but, every 
time I look at her, I see us spending the rest of 
our lives together.  I have never really known 
love, and I don't think she has either, which is 
what is scaring me out of telling her.  I finally 
have admitted it to myself, but despite her 
declaration out in the EVA suits, I thought she was 
scared to admit it to herself.  I, of course, have 
told her I love her, but she has a slight look of 
disbelief on her face as I say it.  I think that 
she can't believe that anyone could love her, since 
everyone else in her life, especially her family, 
has rejected her.

"Hey, Tom, what so interesting that you have 
ignored me for the last five minutes."
"What... Oh, I have been thinking about how much I 
love being with you."
"Then how come you are always thinking about other 
things when we are together."
"I'm not thinking about anything but you."
"Tom, you have some of the corniest lines I have 
ever heard."  Her smile after that comment was 
priceless. The only response I could give was to 
gather her in my arms and show her how much I meant 
what I said.

A few minutes later, we had to come up for air.  
"Where is that food, before I start devouring you!"
"B'Elanna!  And you say I have all the corny 
lines."
"I'm hungry, where's this dinner you promised me?"
"Well, just around this bend is a perfect view 
across the basin to the ocean.  Our picnic is all 
set up.  The sun will be setting soon.  I always 
love to see the sun setting,  watching the sun dip 
into the ocean.  As a little kid I used to wonder 
why the sun didn't go out after dropping into the 
ocean."  We went around the bend where I had set up 
our dinner.  There was a basket of food, and a 
blanket to sit on.  "Have a seat and we can get 
started on the food."

"Gods Tom, it's beautiful up here.  I always 
thought Los Angeles was a dingy, dirty city, but 
this is absolutely gorgeous.  And this food, how 
did you teach Neelix how to cook?  It actually 
looks and smells edible!"

"I just made a few suggestions and told him we were 
having a picnic, and..."
"You told him we were on a date!"
Mistake number two, "I didn't realize it was a 
secret...  Anyway, I didn't tell him, he guessed 
that I was taking you, since you are the only 
person besides Harry I spend any time with these 
days, and there is no way I would be dating Harry."

"I thought we had agreed to keep things quiet, 
right.  After those aliens did the experiments we 
agreed to keep things to ourselves."

"B'Elanna, that was over a month ago, plus we have 
gone out together to Sandrines and the Resort.  OK, 
I'm sorry, I will make a point not to tell anyone."

She seemed to calm down a little, but, I think she 
was still a little angry with me about the slip to 
Neelix.  I don't understand her sometimes.  One day 
we are holding hands in Sandrines, and today she 
doesn't even want me to answer Neelix's question 
about if the picnic is for the two of us.  At that 
point, I realized that if I wanted to salvage what 
was left of the evening, I would have to tread 
lightly and watch my mouth.  However, when have I 
ever been able to watch my mouth.

We sat down on the blanket and started devouring 
Neelix's food.  It could have been leola root for 
all we cared at that point.  We settled into a 
joking conversation ranging from current happenings 
in engineering to Captain Janeway.

"There is no way that Captain Janeway will ever 
date anyone on the crew."
"Come on B'Elanna, she may be the Captain, but she 
still is a human being.  Now that we have been out 
here for four years, I think she is beginning to 
get lonely."
"Like you, Tom."
"I mean, that as captain, she does not socialize 
with anyone outside the command crew, and even then 
rarely.  She spends most of her free time either in 
her quarters or running a program on the holodeck.  
We are lucky if she comes to the Resort or 
Sandrines once a week.  She deserves to have some 
fun, since we will be out here for a long time."
"So you think she should go out with Chakotay?"
"Maybe, I am not sure who.  There would be a few 
problems with Chakotay, especially considering how 
they barely talked to each other during the entire 
borg confrontation.  If they had a fight while 
dating, the bridge could become a battle ground.  
However, if they are in love, a few fights may not 
be so bad."
"Making comparisons, Paris?"
"Always trying to find new insights, Torres.  But, 
there is no one who could even hope to compare to 
you."  By now the sun was beginning to set.  I put 
my arm around B'Elanna, glad when she moved even 
closer so that we could watch the sunset.  We 
stayed that way, with her nestled into my chest, 
watching the reds and oranges of a spectacular 
sunset.

My hopes started to rise that the evening would not 
be a total waste.  She had not snapped at me in 
almost an hour, and now she rested comfortably 
against me.  I could have stayed that way all 
night, just holding B'Elanna in my arms.  I thought 
that B'Elanna was starting to feel to comfortable 
with me and life in general, until she started to 
get up.  

"Where you going, we still have a half hour of 
holodeck time.  I had to trade Harry a promise to 
attend his next concert, as well as some replicator 
rations for this time-slot."
"Well, the sun is set, and I have an early shift in 
engineering tomorrow."

She always has an early shift, even if she isn't 
scheduled for one.  However, I wasn't about to make 
that comment.  "Can I walk you to your quarters?  I 
still have to replicate dessert for you."  My 
biggest mistake would result from that innocent 
little phrase.

"I guess, since it is on the way to your quarters, 
but I really do have to get to bed."

"Don't worry B'Elanna, I would never keep you from 
your bed!"  She missed my smile saying that I was 
just joking.  I now realize that I was just as 
careless, since I missed her angry strut at my 
taking things to far.  If I had realized just how 
upset she was, I would have left things alone, but, 
hindsight is twenty-twenty.

I gathered up the remnants of our dinner and called 
for the exit.  B'Elanna didn't turn around, she 
just started walking for the turbolift, oblivious 
to me and the world.

"Hey, wait up!  What's the big hurry Be?"  You 
would have thought I would have learned not to use 
a nickname, but 'open mouth, insert foot' seems to 
have been my favorite mantra around B'Elanna 
lately.  She just turned around and gave me 'The 
Look!'  This time she had the Captain beat in both 
intensity and effect.  I told B'Elanna that I 
wasn't afraid of her Klingon side, but at that 
moment I seriously feared for my life!  

The moment was broken as Ensign Vorik walked by and 
entered the turbolift along with us.  "Good evening 
Lieutenants."  B'Elanna just started at the doors 
of the turbolift, ignoring both of us.  
I, on the other hand, tried to make it seem that 
nothing was wrong.  "Hello Ensign.  How are you 
this evening?"

Vorik, who often worked with B'Elanna in 
engineering, immediately recognized her mood.  He 
made no attempt to engage her in conversation, and 
if it is possible for a Vulcan, he cowered his way 
towards the opposite side of the turbolift.  "I 
have had a productive evening meditating 
Lieutenant."

As soon as the turbolift reached Vorik's deck, he 
practically ran from the turbolift.  "Guess he is 
in a hurry"
"You think a joke will make everything better.  
Paris, leave me alone!"
"B'Elanna..."  I then found myself having a close 
encounter with the turbolift wall due to the power 
of B'Elanna's shove.  Just before I was hit by the 
sucker punch, I noticed that rather then anger in 
her eyes, there was regret and tears.  I guess 
that's why I didn't notice the punch coming, and 
didn't even make a move to block it.  Surprise 
didn't help to dull the pain thought, as I doubled 
over in agony, and slumped to the floor.  Just 
before the turbolift reached B'Elanna's stop, I was 
able to look up, trying to figure out why.  I think 
the punch surprised B'Elanna, since she seemed to 
have a look of shock on her face as she left the 
turbolift.  It took a lot of willpower to stumble 
out of the turbolift, and make it to my quarters 
without either crawling the whole way or throwing 
up.

Well, here I am now, lying on my couch trying to 
figure out exactly what I did wrong.  I feel 
slightly better physically, the painkillers took 
the edge off the pain.  However, I just want to 
jump out the nearest airlock.  The woman I love 
just punched me in the gut.

What can I do?  All the doubts I had after she 
first said she loved me are spinning back...   
Doubts, B'Elanna had a look of regret and doubt.  
Maybe she is feeling the same things I am.  She has 
always used anger to cover for emotion, and I just 
let her walk away.  After all we went through, I 
just let her walk away.  Failed again.  The old 
Paris luck is back.

Hey, wait a minute.  This is the woman who told me 
she loved me.  The woman, who when given a chance 
two months ago to change her mind, stood up for 
those words.  The woman who I am hopelessly in love 
with.  Sitting around my quarters, bemoaning my 
fate is useless.  As long as she's mad at me, I 
might as well go all the way with this.

At that thought, I picked myself off the couch and 
headed out the door for B'Elanna's quarters.  On 
the way, I tried not to loose my nerve, engaged in 
a mental pep talk.  Why is it that B'Elanna is the 
only woman ever to put fear in my heart, yet I 
enjoy that fear?

As I reached her quarters, my new found courage 
seemed to disappear.  I stood for a moment, 
listening for the signs of B'Elanna's anger, such 
as objects hitting the walls.  My surprise at 
hearing muffled, sob-like sounds, caused me to hit 
the door chime.  When there was no response, except 
for an increase in volume of those strange sounds, 
I keyed in the private over-ride code I developed 
to pick Harry's door lock and went in.

The quarters were dark, only the light from the 
viewport preventing total darkness.  As I peered 
into the dimness, the first thing I noticed was the 
neatness of the quarters.  B'Elanna is rigid about 
having everything in its place in engineering, but 
she tends to leave things all over her quarters.  
They appeared to be immaculate today, except for 
that stray pillow next to the couch.  As I walked 
closer, I realized that the 'pillow' was in fact 
B'Elanna's sobbing form, curled up in a tight, 
protective ball.

Any anger I had left about our broken date left the 
second I saw her.  I have seen B'Elanna cry before, 
back when she was split in two by the Vidians.  
However, that was hardly a couple of tears in 
comparison to these sobs.  For about two seconds, I 
stood by helpless, unsure of what I could do.  Then 
I wised up.  This is the woman I love, crying as if 
her world just crumbled around her.

I knelt down next to her, and gently put my hand on 
her shoulder.  She jerked up, looking at me in 
surprise, as if she had not known I was in the 
room.  Fear, despair, and something that looked a 
lot like the look I see in the mirror when I think 
about B'Elanna, flashed though her eyes.  Then, as 
if she couldn't look me in the face, she looked 
away.  Since I didn't see any anger in her eyes, I 
pulled her into a hug, trying to offer some comfort 
for whatever demons seemed to be frightening her 
and causing such despair.  B'Elanna accepted the 
comfort, burying her head in my chest, continuing 
the sobs.

Much later, her sobs finally stopped.  Her 
breathing evened out, and I realized that she had 
fallen asleep.  Unfortunately, I was in a very 
uncomfortable position, quite unable to sleep.  At 
first, I didn't want to move, since I might have 
disturbed her, but then I realized that if I didn't 
move now, I might not be able to move my legs 
again.  B'Elanna was leaning on me, so I picked her 
up into my arms, before standing up.  I was just 
going to put her on the couch, but she didn't even 
stir when I picked her up.  I figured that she 
would be more comfortable in her bed, so I carried 
her in there and laid her down.  I pulled the 
blanket she had a the bottom of the bed up over 
her.  She looked so peaceful.

I just meant to rest a minute on the couch, but I 
must have fallen asleep.  The next thing I remember 
was the sound of a woman screaming.
"No, Daddy don't go.  No..."
I immediately jumped up and ran to the bedroom.  At 
that moment, B'Elanna must have screamed herself 
awake, because I ran into the bedroom and saw a 
fully conscious, angry B'Elanna looking around for 
something to throw.  

"B'Elanna, are you all right?"
"WHAT are you doing in MY room?" 
 Oh no, she is really going to let me have it.  "I 
came to see you last night, and I heard you crying.  
I let myself in to try to help,"  it seemed to be 
working.  B'Elanna was starting to calm down.  "You 
ended up falling asleep, so I put you in bed.  I 
must have fallen asleep on you couch.  You had a 
nightmare.  Do you want to talk about it?"

"NO, I do not want ..."  She looked like she was 
about to cry again.
"B'Elanna, you don't have to hide your feelings.  I 
love you and I don't like to see you so unhappy.  
What's wrong?"
"You love me, even after all I've done to you?  
Even after I hit you last night?"
"Be, I love you no matter what, Klingon temper and 
all.  If you didn't get angry at me, I wouldn't 
know what to do."
"If you love me, why do you keep calling me names?"
"What?  Oh, I called you Be didn't I?  I'm sorry 
B'Elanna.  I don't say it to be mean.  I call you 
that because I love you, and because I think that 
you would really be angry if I called you honey!"  
I got a little smile on that one.
"If you ever call me honey, it will be a short trip 
out the nearest airlock."
"So, B'Elanna, are you all right?"

She looked at me for a while.  It was as if she was 
trying to figure out something, come to a decision.  
The fear I saw before was back, but so was the 
love.  She looked exactly like when she is having 
an internal battle between her two halves I 
wondered what they were fighting about, but I knew 
B'Elanna well enough to know that I had pushed her 
enough.  If I asked again, it would only serve to 
make her angry.  Finally she seemed to have made a 
decision.

"Do you really want to know?  Do you really care?"
"B'Elanna, I want to know everything about you, 
good and bad.  I want to know how to make you 
happy, how to cheer you up after a bad day.  Even 
how to deal with being the focus of your temper.  I 
love you.  I fell in love with you before Sakari 
and it has only grown since.  I will do anything to 
make you happy, even if that means that you want me 
to leave you alone.  I want to be with you forever, 
but the choice is yours.  Please talk to me."
"I thought you didn't like me.  You called me 
names, just like the kids at home, like the 
'fleeters, like my father."
I sat down on the bed and pulled her into my arms.  
"I'm sorry B'Elanna.  I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Last night I was afraid you were going to leave 
me.  You were acting like my father did before he 
left.  He used to call me Little Bee.  When I was 
little, I loved hearing that name.  I would come 
running to see him every time he said it.  When I 
was five, we when for a picnic.  I had hoped that 
things were better.  My parents had been fighting a 
lot, and I just wanted us to be happy."  Tears 
started to fall, but B'Elanna was too engrossed in 
the memories to notice.

"We walked down the trail.  I ran ahead, and he 
chased after me, calling me Little Bee.  We had a 
wonderful day together.  That night, he tucked me 
into bed, and kissed me goodnight.  The next day he 
left, and I never saw or heard from him again."
"I'm sorry.  If I had known, I would never have 
taken you into that program."
"The day was fine, but as we sat there I started to 
remember that day with my father.  I can't believe 
I'm crying, for the third time since I was five 
years old.  Tom Paris, you seem to have a way of 
making me cry."

"No, I'm here to comfort you when you are having a 
bad day.  I want to listen to your stories.  You 
need to tell them to someone, just as I sometimes 
need someone to listen to me.  I want to know about 
your past.  Please let me in."
"It's so hard."
"I know.  I have a few stories of my own which I 
will need to tell someday."
"I don't even know where to start."
"How about I tell you a story first.  What do you 
want to know about?"
"Harry told me that you didn't know why you lied at 
Caldik Prime, is that really true?"
"You go right for the gut, don't you."
"Nothing but the difficult stuff for my man."  

As she pulled me closer, I leaned down and gently 
touched her lips with mine.  I placed all my love 
behind that kiss, and it felt like she did the 
same.  We both drew strength from that kiss, 
knowing just how much we cared and loved one 
another.  I certainly needed to feel that she was 
there to hold me in her arms, since she was asking 
me to talk about the darkest days of my life.  It 
was a few minutes before we came up for air, and I 
was able to begin my story.  How a few words, 
spoken from the heart, can change everything.  
Before, I thought B'Elanna would never speak with 
me again.  Now, we are snuggled together on her 
bed, telling scary, true stories of our past.  
Sharing ourselves in the most intimate way 
possible, not our bodies, but laying open our 
souls.

"When I told Harry that I didn't know, it was the 
truth.  It has taken almost all the time I have 
been on Voyager to figure out the answer to that 
question.  The accident was pilot error.  If I had 
not been talking with Ensign Peter Jones at a 
critical moment, I could have prevented the 
accident.  If I had told the truth, it would have 
been put down as a mark on my record, nothing 
more."

"But, I didn't realize that when I first woke up.  
My first memory is that my father was in the 
hospital room talking with his aide.  At that 
moment, I realized that if I told the truth about 
the incident, he would kill me.  I didn't realize 
that I would have only had a slap on the wrist for 
telling the truth, but even if I had, my record 
would have been soiled.  I could not admit that I 
had made an error in front of my father.  So when 
the investigators came in, I recounted the events, 
except that Ensign Jones had been the one to miss 
the signal, instead of me."

"My father smiled at me as he calmly told the 
investigating team to make sure that the official 
records reflected the mistake of Ensign Jones.  
Pete was my friend, and that callous bastard 
condemned his memory right in front of me.  Later I 
told the truth because I couldn't stand to be like 
my father, to value success over right and 
appearance over family.  I lied, because even 
though I hated my father, I needed his acceptance.  
All I wanted was his love.  Now, I realize that 
even more important is my self respect.  I couldn't 
live with my lie, so I destroyed my career and was 
disowned by my father for telling the truth.  He 
didn't say the words till my sentencing to New 
Zealand after I was caught with the Maquis, but the 
day I disgraced the Paris family name was the last 
day he spoke to me.  I realize that I should have 
done the right thing from the start.  The lie, was 
my greatest failure."

"Tom, you showed courage and honor by telling the 
truth.  You knew that  your career was over, yet 
you followed the right path.  You may act like a 
pig sometimes, but you always do the right thing.  
You have saved everyone's life on Voyager with your 
courage, including mine.  I would have died with 
the Vidians in their mines or a million other times 
if you didn't risk your life for me."

As she spoke,  B'Elanna was tracing her fingers 
across my face.  When she finished talking, she 
followed the path of her fingers with light kisses.  
Her hands started investigating a little lower down 
my neck and along my chest.  My hands moved to 
B'Elanna's hair, as I captured her mouth with mine.  
As my hands ran down her back, she began 
unbuttoning my shirt.  As I reached to do the same 
to her, she whispered in my ear, "relax, this is my 
gift to you for all that you have done."  

First, she got rid of the shirt, since it was an 
encumbrance to her roaming mouth.  She kissed her 
way from my mouth, down my neck, leaving love bites 
along the way.  She didn't bite too hard, since she 
already had claimed me.  At first I was wondering 
how I could be feeling so much pleasure from just a 
touch.  Then I started to lose all conscious 
thought because of the wonders that B'Elanna's 
mouth was working on me.

As she kept kissing even lower, my pants got in the 
way.  B'Elanna quickly got rid of that problem as 
well, necessitating only a shift a weight in my 
hips to remove them.  Good thing to, since by that 
time I was all but incoherent with pleasure.  As 
her mouth descended and began its pleasurable 
dance, a moan of ecstasy escaped my lips.  That 
only served to drive her forward, to a faster and 
even more pleasing experience.

She brought me to the edge, and then stopped, not 
ready to end it quite yet.  She kissed her way back 
up my body, till I could look again at her 
beautiful brown eyes.  My hands, started to roam 
over her still clothed body, causing moans which 
matched what her mouth and hands were drawing out 
of me.  I started to slowly remove her clothing, 
but B'Elanna helped me put a quick end to the task.  
As she undressed, our eyes were locked together, 
communicating messages which words could never 
express.  B'Elanna had seen my soul and was now 
offering a part of herself to me in return.

Despite our intense hunger, we took everything 
slowly, bringing as much pleasure to each other as 
possible.  Hands and mouths moved along each others 
bodies in gentle and rough caresses.  Finally, 
B'Elanna took me inside her. We waited a moment 
before beginning a slow rhythm, again enjoying the 
moment.  Our hands continued their explorations as 
our tongues tangled together in an imitation of our 
bodies.  At last our motions speeded up, bringing 
us ever closer to ecstasy.  One final kiss, then 
our simultaneous orgasmic cries filled the room.  

As I recovered from, what must have been the most 
pleasurable experience of my life, I whispered, 
"B'Elanna, I love you."
She looked at me and seemed to decide to share a 
little of herself, as I had done.  First, she 
shifted in my arms, so that she could look into my 
eyes as she spoke.  "Tom, my beautiful helmboy, I 
love you because your courage, your honor, and your 
acceptance of me.  You look at me as B'Elanna, not 
as some half-breed."
"Don't call yourself that.  That ugly word does not 
describe you at all.  Why that look?  You don't 
think I'm telling the truth!  Is that why you don't 
like it when I call you Be, or even Bella, which 
means beautiful?"

"As a kid, I was used to the taunts.  Almost all 
the other kids in the colony were human, so even 
being a Klingon was bad.  But to be a mixture was 
even worse.  It didn't matter though.  I mean, I 
hated their taunts and often fought them to stop 
the ridicule, but their actions were 
understandable.  They were just  prejudiced colony 
kids, far away from the accepting attitudes of the 
Federation.  That's why I wanted to join Starfleet.  
The Klingons would never accept me into their 
forces, due to my humanity.   My mother tried to 
make me join anyway.  She said that Starfleet was 
honorless.  I defied her and took off for the 
academy, and she disowned me for that."

"At that time, I was against everything Klingon, so 
I wasn't too disappointed by my mother's actions.  
When I arrived at the academy, it was not what I 
expected.  I know that Worf had made it through the 
academy, so I figured I would have an easier time.  
I was very wrong.  The brass at the academy had me 
marked from day one.  It was as if they expected me 
to fail.  Then the top cadets, picked up on the 
officers' attitudes and started to copy them.  I 
guess they figured that it would help their careers 
to taunt me.  I arrived at the academy thinking it 
would be a safe haven for me.  I could concentrate 
on my engineering studies, learn to rein in my 
temper.  Quite the opposite happened."

"I lost control of my temper and began to lash out 
at them.  This only seemed to egg them on, since 
now I was the nasty half-br... Klingon, fighting 
back.  After about two years, the academy and I 
'mutually agreed to part ways.'  In other words, 
they got their way.  I don't even know why they 
wanted me out so bad.  I was left with no where to 
go.  After a few months of bumming around, I found 
myself in the same bar as Chakotay's Maquis cell.  
I overheard them talking about their damaged ship, 
and offered my services to help with repairs.  They 
dragged me outside and questioned me, as if I was 
spy.  I had no idea who they were.  I knew about 
the Maquis, but that was just rumors I had 
overheard at the academy, but I definitely didn't 
know who their specific group was.  Chakotay 
decided I was OK and asked if I wanted to join, 
even though they were a bunch of outlaws.  'I 
already am an outlaw from two cultures, my family 
and Starfleet, one more strike will not make any 
difference.'"

"B'Elanna, you are a beautiful, intelligent woman.  
The brass at the academy made a mistake the day 
they decided you were not worthy of attending their 
vaulted institution.  You have proved yourself, 
both in the Maquis and on Voyager.  You have become 
a part of the family here on Voyager, just as I 
have been accepted.  You are not an outlaw, but an 
integral part of our lives out here in the Delta 
Quadrant.  You have worked miracles with the 
engines of Voyager, and with my heart."

Now it was my turn to comfort her and show her love 
and belonging.  I paused a moment as I was kissing 
from her beautiful brow ridges to her delicious 
neck.  "We both have found a home in the Delta 
Quadrant."

B'Elanna then whispered in my ear, "we also have 
found the love we have always desired, together, 
far away from our past." 

And then we were lost.  Our still naked bodies came 
together in B'Elanna's bed.  I followed the same 
route that B'Elanna had done with me, but I moved 
much slower.  First, I lavished extensive attention 
on her right breast, licking and suckling, while my 
left hand massaged the other.  Then I moved on to 
the other one, reversing the process.  By the time 
I was ready to move lower, B'Elanna was already 
moaning and writhing around in pleasure.  

Before moving on I captured her mouth again in a 
passionate kiss, our mouths imitating what our 
bodies would be doing only a few minutes later.  As 
I started to move lower, our eyes locked, and I 
swear I saw B'Elanna's soul through her  exquisite 
brown eyes.  At that moment, I realized the depth 
of her love for me.  I no longer had any doubts, we 
will be together forever.

My loving caresses moved even farther down her 
body, closer to the core of her sexuality.  As my 
hands began to massage her thighs, I finally 
reached my destination.  She parted her legs in an 
invitation, which I was only to happy to accept.  I 
barely touched her when my passionate assault 
released her growing pressure with a cry of 
ecstasy.  

I didn't let that stop me.  I continued my 
ministrations, reveling in her moans of pleasure.  
This time I slowed it down a little, allowing her 
to enjoy every touch, every lick, every kiss for 
itself, and by her cries, she certainly enjoyed it.  
Finally the pressure was starting to build in 
B'Elanna, so I started moving up her body.  
Stopping to capture her breasts, I gave them a 
little attention before moving on to her beautiful 
face.  As I started kissing her neck, B'Elanna 
moaned, "Please Tom."  

I waited no longer.  As I slipped into her waiting 
channel, she curled her legs around me, bringing me 
even closer.  This time we didn't take it slowly.  
We both wanted our release, so we quickly found a 
rhythm to satisfy our needs.  As our bodies moved 
us closer to satisfying our physical needs, we 
started kissing each other to satisfy the needs of 
our souls.  We were not alone.  This night was not 
about sex but sharing a part of each other's souls.  
And then we reached the precipice of ecstasy, and 
moved together into the passionate heart of its 
release.  As our cries echoed though B'Elanna's 
quarters, I moved off B'Elanna and cradled her in a 
lovers embrace.

"Flyboy, that was wonderful!  I seem to have a lot 
of nicknames for you, don't I."
"You sure do, and I love everyone of them.  I used 
to be jealous when you called Harry Starfleet.  I 
figured he was special to your life.  Your 
nicknames, even Helmboy, make me feel like I am 
special to you."
"You are."

As we were drifting off to sleep, B'Elanna had one 
more thought.  "I would like it if you would call 
me Be."
I looked in her eyes and saw only love and caring, 
no more fear and especially no despair.  "Be, I 
love you."
"And I love you, Helmboy."

--The End--