Wishes from the Heart
by Shana

Disclaimer:  I don't own Gary or any of the EE characters and I'm not profiting financially from this story.  No copyright infringement is intended.

Special thanks to my awesome beta-reader, Tracy.  And also Dollene for coming up with the title for this one.  Thank you to Ann H also for her input.   Feedback is appreciated. :)

A quick note:  The baby's name is pronounced with a J sound, not a hard G, just in case anyone was wondering. <g>

Summary:  Sequel to "The Reason My Heart Beats".  Gary's struggles raising a daughter alone and dealing with the paper.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Wishes from the Heart
by Shana

Chapter one

We were as one
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
~~~~~~~~Mariah Carey

Heavy rain fell from the sky, pelting the sea of black umbrellas held by
the mourners that stood beside the open grave watching their beloved
Aimee's coffin being lowered into the ground.  The minister spoke a few
words, none of which penetrated Gary's conciousness.  He just stood
there, numb, holding his three and a half month old daughter, Gillian,
in his arms.  He was vaguely aware that someone held an umbrella over
him, but he didn't know who it was and he didn't care.  If it weren't
for Gillian, he would've stood, unsheltered in the deluge and let it
pour over him.  The rain baffled him.  Why should the heavens weep when
they had claimed such an angel as his Aimee?  Shouldn't they be
rejoicing?  Perhaps they were mocking his grief.  The thought angered
him, but then again, everything angered him these days.  Everything but
Gillian.

The past several days had replayed in his mind countless times, a morbid
drama in which he was the unwilling star.  Gilly's cries had awakened
him, and he'd gone to her and fed, and changed her.  Then he'd
lowered himself to the rocker and sang her a soothing, slightly off-key
lullaby until she fell asleep again.  After kissing her and placing her
back in the crib, he'd gone back to bed.  He was surprised that Aimee
had not awakened in all that time.  He crawled in beside her and draped
one arm across her, drawing her closer.  Her skin felt cold to his touch
and he briefly wondered if he should get another blanket for her.

"Aimee....hey Beautiful, wake up!"  He gently shook her to see if she
was okay, but she did not respond.  He sat up with a sense of foreboding
and began to shake her more urgently, calling her name repeatedly,
willing her to answer him, but it was all to no avail.  She had slipped
away in the night to a place where he could not reach her.

The events of the rest of that day were fuzzy.  He must have called
somebody, but he couldn't remember.  The only thing that stood out in
his mind was his frantic search through his early edition of the paper,
but there was nothing there.  No hints, no warnings of her impending death,
nothing.  Her obituary appeared the next day, a day too late to do him any good.
It was a small column--just a few paragraphs really, so few words to sum up
such an amazing life.  'Local restaurantuer dies from blood clot', read the headline.
It wasn't right, that tiny little blurb, so cold and heartless, and it made him angry.
There should have been more to it than that.  A whole novel wouldn't have done
her justice, but still, why hadn't it been larger?  Why hadn't the cat warned him?
Why had his future telling paper betrayed him again?  The questions circled round
and round in his head endlessly.

Gillian cooed up at him, drawing him out of himself for a moment.  He
lowered his head and brushed a kiss across her cheek, grateful that she
was untouched by the pain of these last few days.  In response to his
kiss, she smiled, and it was so like Aimee's smile that it sent shock
waves of pain through him.  He wondered if it would always be that way.

Someone grasped his arm and pulled him away toward a line of black
cars.  His mother came to him and tried to take Gillian out of his arms
but he would not let her.  Gilly was his living link to Aimee, a part of
her and he felt a desperate need to hold on to her.

They arrived back at McGinty's where everyone stood around sharing
memories of Aimee and grieving together.  It was more than Gary could
bear.  Ignoring the touches of compassion, the hugs, the
well-intentioned words, he headed up the stairs with Gilly.  Once inside
the loft, he locked the door and laid down on his bed, his head propped
up on the pillow, Gillian lying on his chest.  He kissed the top of her
head and closed his eyes, as a tear trickled down his face to his neck
and under his collar, ending it's journey somewhere in the vicinity of
his heart.

Aside from his angry musings about why it had not given him a better
warning, Gary had not thought of the paper in days.  He didn't care if
he never saw that paper again.  As far as he was concerned, it had
betrayed him.  These were the thoughts that kept him company as he
drifted off into a grief induced slumber.

Gilly's cries awakened him a short time later.  Befuddled with sleep, he
wondered if Aimee would get up and tend to the baby.  With his eyes half
closed, he reached a hand toward the other side of the bed to shake her
awake, and then suddenly he realized anew that Aimee wasn't there and
would never be there again.  There was no time to dwell on his own pain
though, Gilly needed him now.  She depended on him and he'd promised
Aimee that he would always take care of her.  He cradled her
protectively as he rose to tend to her needs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone tried to shake Gary out of his depression, especially Marissa,
but he was not ready to rejoin the world just yet.  He stayed in the
loft for days, just taking care of Gilly and thinking about Aimee,
missing her so much that his heart didn't beat, it just squeezed
painfully at regular intervals as it continued to pump blood through his
veins.

Gary was not the only one who was mourning Aimee's death.  The others
were going on with life, but with heavy hearts.  Lois, ever practical
even in the midst of her sorrow, had been taking care of the paper with
Bernie's help.  They had stayed on the sofa bed in the loft at first,
but after the funeral, they wisely sensed that Gary needed some time to
himself.  Marissa had generously offered them her guest bedroom for the
duration of their stay in Chicago, knowing they wanted to stay close to
their son in case he needed them.  For a few days they had arisen early
and gone to the loft to retrieve the paper from the doorstep, but Cat
seemed to know that change was in the air and had started delivering it
right to Marissa's door.

Abby was inconsolable for days.  She would never have gotten through the
loss of her best friend if Alex had not been there for her.  He too was
devastated to lose the sister he'd so recently just found.  Together
they cried an ocean of tears.

Marissa's faith was shaken.  She'd always felt that there was a purpose
for everything, but Aimee's death just seemed so senseless.  She had
tried to break through Gary's self-imposed isolation, but had been
rebuffed with each effort.  There was a time when she would've tried to
force him to face his feelings, but she had learned her lesson a few
years before when he had failed to save the homeless man, Jeremiah.
He needed time.  They all needed time.

Crumb was not taking the loss very well.  He hid all his pain behind an
even gruffer exterior than usual, snapping at everyone within earshot.
All the McGinty's employees tiptoed around him, trying not to be the
target of his cutting remarks.  But they all understood that he was
hurting.  He had taken to Aimee right from the beginning, treating her
like the daughter he never had.  Now to lose her so soon was a crushing
blow to his spirit and he felt as if he had aged a hundred years in a
few short days.

Chuck, although he was hurting for his friend, was a rock.  He began to
help Marissa out at the bar and was quick with a joke to lighten the
mood.  He too had tried to get through to Gary, but took Marissa's
counsel to give him space and time for healing.  Although they all gave
him room to grieve in his own way, the circle of friends and family,
knit together by love and loss, tightened protectively around Gary,
helping him in ways he did not realize.

Chapter two

Strange the things you notice
When the walls are closing in
And the walls are closing in on me today
~~~~~~~~~Caedmon's Call

Two months had passed and things remained pretty much the same around
McGinty's.  Gary still kept himself mostly shut away from the world.
Occasionally the walls of the loft would begin to close in on him and he
would take Gilly out and walk for hours, but he refused all offers of
company or babysitting.  He did allow the others to spend time with
Gilly, but only in his presence.  The foundations of his very existence
had been shaken with the loss of Aimee and now he had an unreasonable
fear of letting Gilly out of his sight.  He knew that everyone was
worried about him, but there was nothing he could do about it.

The walls were closing in on him again today, but the heavy rains
prevented him from taking Gilly out.  While she slept, he roamed through
the loft restlessly, touching things that belonged to Aimee, sitting
where she always sat, holding tightly to her pillow, inhaling the scent
of her that still clung to it.  He stopped at the picture of he and
Aimee on their wedding day and took it down off the shelf.  His fingers
carressed the image of her smiling face and he whispered, "I miss you so
much".

A loud clap of thunder rattled the windows, followed by a bright flash
of lightening.  It was just the kind of day Aimee would have loved.
Extreme weather had always fascinated her.  He carried the picture to
the window and leaned against the sill, watching the storm play across
the city and wishing she were here with him, enfolded in his arms.  The
pain of her absence was excruciating, worse than anything he'd ever
experienced, and he thought he might go mad from it.

A box in the corner caught his eye.  Before Aimee died, she'd been
packing up some things to move into their new bedroom when it was
completed.  He carried the box to the coffee table and lifted the lid.
Inside were all her journals and photo albums, but sitting on top of it
all was an envelope with his name written across it in Aimee's flowing
script.  His hands trembled and his eyes glistened with tears as he
removed the letter from the envelope and unfolded it.  He just held it
in his shaking hands for a moment, unable to read it as the tears slid
down his cheeks and blurred his vision.  Then, composing himself and
wiping his tears with his sleeve, he began to read.

September 5th
"My Dearest Gary,
If you are reading this, then my fears have come true.  I've had a
feeling for a few days now that all was not right with me and that soon
I was going to die.  I even went to the doctor for a check-up and he
found nothing wrong.  He tried to convince me that I was just
overly-worried, but Gary, I just knew."

"I know you are probably very angry right now; angry at the paper, the
cat, the world, maybe even at me for not saying anything.  I tried to
tell you a million times, but the words never would come.  You think the
paper has cheated you, snatched away your chance at happiness.  Don't be
angry!!  There is no point in placing blame.  No matter how you feel
right now, that paper is a gift.  Go on Gary, use it to help others.
That's why it came to you in the first place.  You are special, and I
knew that from the moment that paper brought us together."

"Please don't shut out all the people who love you.  You'll want to
close yourself off from the world, I know, but fight against that and
open your heart to your friends and family.  I would be so sad if I knew that
you locked yourself away in the loft and kept all your feelings pent up
inside you.  It's not good for you Gary, and it's not good for Gillian.
I know you will take good care of her and give her all the things she
needs.  Just remember, she also needs a father who is happy, who cares
about people, who puts others before himself.  She needs a father who
lets his loved ones help when things get tough.  You are that man Gary,
even though you may not feel like it now."

Overcome with emotion, Gary had to stop reading for a moment.  She knew
him so well.  He was angry, he was placing blame, and he had shut
himself away from the world, just like she said.  Setting the letter
aside, he laid his head on his arms and sobbed.  It would be a while
before he would be able to finish the letter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marissa was worried not only about Gary, but about Lois and Bernie as
well.  They were continuing to deal with the paper everyday and the
stress, combined with their concerns for their son, were taking their
toll.  The occasional day with the paper over the years was one thing,
but they were not equipped to deal with it day after day for months.
Neither of them complained, but Marissa could hear the exhaustion in
their voices.  She knew something had to change and soon.  The pace was
hard enough on a younger man, but for a pair of retirees who had
recently lost their daughter-in-law, it was grueling.  This was the time
in their life when they had expected to spend their leisure time
spoiling their granddaughter, not running around the city of Chicago
rescuing ungrateful strangers.

Marissa squared her shoulders, grasped her cane tightly in her hand, and
headed upstairs to see Gary.  She had no intention of pushing him, but
she figured a little nudge every now and then wouldn't hurt.   The sound
of Gary's heavy footfall as he answered the door, weakened her resolve
to say anything, and when he spoke, the despondency of his voice tore at
her heart.  She nearly turned around right then and there, but she was
never one to run from a difficult situation.

"Gary, I want to talk to you......"

"Marissa, I'm not really in the mood to talk right now...."

She ignored his rebuff and stepped into the room anyway.  One whiff told
her that it had been a while since he had done any cleaning.  "Gary, I
know you're hurting.  We're all hurting, but there's something we need
to talk about."  She took a deep breath and plunged ahead before he
could stop her.  "Did you know your parents have been taking care of the
paper all this time?  I know you don't want to deal with it right now,
but Gary, they can't keep this up.  Can't you see how this is killing
them?"

Gary wanted to put his hands over his ears and shut out her words, but
he couldn't.  He knew his parents had been looking rundown lately, but
he figured it was just grief.  The thought of them killing themselves
for the paper only fueled his anger toward it, but Aimee's words
reverberated through his mind.  He didn't want to let go of his anger,
nor did he feel ready to deal with the paper again, but his sense of
responsibility was beginning to rise to the surface, bringing with it a
sense of guilt for what his parents were enduring.

He sat down heavily on the couch and ran his hands through his hair.
"Marissa, I don't know if I'm ready for this."

"Ready or not, Gary, something's got to be done.  Your parents can't
keep this up."  She sat down beside him and reached for his hand.
"We're all worried about you, Gary.  And Aimee would hate to see you
living like this."

"I know!", he responded with a sigh.

They were two simple words, but to Marissa they represented hope;  hope
that Gary would soon open up, and that his heart was beginning to heal.
 

Chapter three

I can't find the words to pray
I'm a little down today
Can you help me, can you hold me
I feel a million miles away
And I don't know what to say
Can you hear me anyway
~~~~~~~~~FFH

After Marissa left, Gary sat back down and took up Aimee's letter
again.  His eyes  skimmed down the page to where he had left off and he
began to read.

"There is so much I want to say to you Gary.  It's difficult to gather
my thoughts and put them on paper though, but here goes.  In your eyes I
found myself, in your heart I found my dreams, in your lips I found my
heaven, and in your arms I found my home. You always made me feel safe,
cherished, beautiful, as no one else ever could.  You've been everything
I ever dreamed of and so much more (am I starting to sound like a
country song?).  What I'm trying to say is that you and Gillian have
been my greatest joy."

Gary smiled through his tears and continued reading.

"I hold in my heart all your love and I feel proud that I was the one
who made all your dreams come true.  You *are* my heart's reflection and
the reason it beats, but Gary, you still have a lot of love to give.
Don't be afraid to risk your heart and find happiness again.  It hurts
me some to think of you with someone else, but your future happiness is
all that matters."

"Tell Gilly how much I love her, how much I wanted to see her grow into
the beautiful young woman I know she will become, how much I wanted to
be there for her.  Tell her I'll be watching over her, just as I'll be
watching over you.  I have left a letter for her as well, for when she
gets older.  You'll find it in the back of my journal.  And I want her
to have my emerald ring and the charm you gave me on our first
Christmas."

"Give everyone my love, and tell them not to cheat themselves out of any
of the joys of life just because I am gone now.  Abby and Alex will
probably want to sneak away and get married quietly.  Don't let them.  I
know Abby has always wanted a church wedding surrounded by her loved
ones and that is what she should have.  Tell them to celebrate love and
life just as they would if I were there to share in it with them."

"I can't tell you how much I love you Gary, so I leave you with the
words of Sara Teasdale, because they express my heart so well."

    "I would live in your love
    As the sea-grasses live in the sea,
    Borne up by each wave as it passes,
    Drawn down by each wave that recedes;"

    "I would empty my soul of the dreams
    That have gathered in me,
    I would beat with your heart as it beats,
    I would follow your soul as it leads."

"With all my love forever, Aimee"

Gary held the letter close to his heart as his tears rolled down his
face.  He felt as if there was a hole in his chest and he was slowly
bleeding to death.  There could never be anyone who could replace her.
It was unthinkable.  He wanted her and only her.  He needed her like he
needed air.

Gillian's cries pierced the silence, breaking him out of his dark
thoughts.  He had learned to distinguish between her cries now, knowing
which one meant she was hungry or needed changing and which one simply
meant she was lonely.  This cry meant she wanted to be held, to be
loved, and he identified with it so well.  Lifting her from the crib, he
cradled her against his chest and she grasped the front of his shirt.
So many of her little traits and mannerisms reminded him so much of
Aimee.  For once, instead of making him sad, it made him smile to have a
living reminder of her.  Then he thought of how much Gilly would miss
growing up without her mother, and how he would never be able to be all
the things she would need, and his heart grew heavy again.

Gilly grabbed his nose with a tiny hand and laughed up at him, unaware
of his sorrow.  He pulled her hand away and kissed her palm.

"Gary?"  Lois' sillouhuette could be seen through the frosted glass of
the door.

He stood and went to let her in, wiping his tears as he went.  "Hi Mom."

"Hi honey.  I just wanted to check on you and Gillian."

Gary saw the dark circles under her eyes and heard the exhaustion in her
voice and knew that it was time for him to take up his responsibilities
again.  How he would manage the paper and take care of Gilly, he didn't
know, and the thought sent shafts of pain through him as he realized how
much he had relied on Aimee and how much he missed her.

"Mom?", his voice cracked as he spoke.  "How am I gonna manage without
her?"  And with that he broke down and sobbed in his mother's arms,
Gillian trapped between them, sensing her father's sorrows and wailing
loud enough to drown him out.

Lois held her baby tightly and spoke soothingly to him.  He was a grown
man with a child of his own, but he would always be her baby.  When he
had calmed down some, she released him and took Gilly from his arms,
rubbing her back and singing softly to her.  After a moment, Gilly's
wails turned to hiccups, and she laid her head on her grandmother's
shoulder and put her thumb in her mouth.

Lois sat down beside Gary and reached out a hand to brush his hair off
his forehead.  She stroked his face gently, the way she had always done
when he was a boy and had a nightmare.  She wished it was as easy to
make everything okay now as it had been then.  "You're gonna get through
this, honey.  But you have to let us help you.  You have to let us in."

Her words echoed Aimee's, and Gary nodded and started to cry again.
This time his tears bathed his heart and soul, washing away his anger
and watering the tiny seed of hope that was planted deep within.  A
small measure of his faith was restored and for now it was enough.
 

Chapter four

I've been holding out so long
I've been sleeping all alone
Girl I miss you
~~~The Rolling Stones

One year later.......

Gary trudged up the stairs wearily, thinking that all he wanted was to
crawl in bed.  He knew though, that Abby was waiting for him to take
Gilly off her hands so she could get home to Alex.  The two of them had
gotten married and were now expecting their first child.  Their
happiness was a little hard for him to bear at times, in light of his
own loss.  He didn't wish them to be unhappy, it was just that seeing
them together reminded him so much of he and Aimee.  But still, he cared
about them both and knew Aimee would be sad if she knew their joy was a
painful reminder to him.

Marissa had urged Gary to tell them about the paper and Gary had easily
aqcuiesed.  At that point in his grief, he hadn't cared who knew about
it.  Alex, after recovering from his initial disbelief and shock,
occasionally assisted him so that he could spend time with Gilly.  Now
that Alex knew his secret, they had become closer than ever.  And Abby
had become invaluable to him as a surrogate mother for Gilly.  She gave
his daughter the motherly touch she so desperately needed.  No one could
ever replace Aimee, but Gary sensed that she would've chosen Abby above
all others to take care of her daughter in her absence.

He entered the loft and spied Gilly playing on the floor at Abby's
feet.  She quickly dropped her toys and toddled over to him, saying, "Da
Da, up!", and raised her hands for him to lift her.

Gilly was the brightest spot in his dark life.  Every day she grew to
look more and more like Aimee.  With a quick hello to Abby, he scooped
up his daughter and kissed her, saying,  "Hi silly Gilly!  How's my
girl?".

She responded to him in her barely intelligible baby talk and patted his
cheeks with her little hands.  Gary had learned to interpret quite a bit
of her gibberish, but there were times when he had no idea what she was
saying.

Occasionally, doubts would surface again about how he would manage to
raise her *and* deal with the paper.  And at times the dark cloud of his
grief would settle over him, when he'd be missing Aimee so much it was
like a physical pain.  Christmas had been particularly difficult.  Aimee
had always made the holiday so special with all her beautiful
decorations and homemade gifts.  His parents had tried so hard to make
it a special holiday for he and Gilly, but no one could fill the void
that Aimee had left.  Gilly's birthday was also a painful time, since
she shared it with her mother.  Everyone made a fuss over Gilly's first
birthday, but there was a feeling of forced cheerfulness in the air that
just made the whole thing feel awkward.

Gary cast aside his thoughts and focused on Abby, who, large with child,
was trying to get up out of the chair.  He reached out a hand and pulled
her up.

"How was she today?", Gary asked as he helped her to her feet.

"Oh, Gilly's always a good girl."  She tweaked Gilly's nose and said,
"Aren't you, Gilly?"  Her answer was more gibberish.

Gary smiled, happy that his daughter had so many people in her life that
loved her.  "Do you need a ride home today?", he asked Abby.

"No, but thanks.  Alex is picking me up.  He's probably already
downstairs."  She paused for a moment and then continued.  "Gary, what
will you do with Gilly when I have this baby?"

Gary ran his hand over the back of his neck before answering.  "I called
my parents.  They got back from their cruise last week.  You know my
mom, she's anxious to see her grandchild again.  Knowing them, they'll
probably show up any minute now."  He laughed, but Abby could see that
he was worried.  She knew he had doubts about raising a daughter alone.

"You know, Gary, you're doing a really good job with Gilly.  I know
Aimee would be proud of you."  With those reassuring words, Abby kissed
Gilly goodbye and headed downstairs.

Gary sighed heavily and sat down on the couch with Gilly on his lap.  He
couldn't stay in this introspective mood long, however, as keeping up
with his active daughter took all his concentration.  After playing with
her for a while and feeding her dinner, he gave her a bath and dressed
her in clean pajamas.  Then he carried her to the rocking chair and
rocked her to sleep, while singing her the song Aimee had always sung to
her.  His finger gently traced the curves of her face, running along her
forehead, down her cheeks and across the bridge of her little nose.  Her
eyelids grew heavy and her little hands grasped the front of his shirt,
relaxing only when she had finally fallen asleep.  He kissed her softly
and laid her in the crib.

She looked so peaceful and innocent lying there sleeping.  One hand was
above her head, her fist tangled in her hair the way her mother had
often slept.  If Aimee had to go, at least she had left him a little
miniature of herself.  Gilly was his most precious gift, and though
doubts assailed him about his abilities as a single father, the one
thing he was absolutely sure of was that she would always have his love.

He stood and watched her sleep for a moment and wished for the zillionth
time that Aimee were there with him.  Finally he headed into his own
room next to Gilly's and laid down on the bed.  He glanced around the
finished room, his eyes lingering over all the little touches that Aimee
had planned.  It had taken him quite a while to have the new section of
the loft finished after she died, but he finally did.  One thing he
could not bring himself to do though, was sleep in the new master
bedroom.  There were too many painful and poignant memories attached to
it.  So, he had taken up residence in the guest room and made it his
own.

Once he did allow the work to continue, his mother, Abby, and Marissa
came alive with excitement.  He let them have their way with most of it
because he knew it would make Aimee happy.  But the master bedroom was
completed just exactly as Aimee had wanted and planned, down to the
tiniest detail.  The three women didn't protest when they saw the look
on his face and heard the tone of his voice, but they all worried that
he would make the room a shrine to Aimee, and in a way, he had.

Occasionally, he would find himself in there, touching the things she
loved and talking to her as if she could hear him.  He'd tell her things
about Gilly, like when she took her first steps and the first time she
called him "Da-da", and he'd share with her all the special moments that
they should've shared together.  He would tell her how much he missed
her and wished she were there.  Sometimes he would grow angry again at
the injustice of a life that was cut short much too soon.  Then he would
remember her letter and read it again and it would remind him of the
things that were really important;  things like the love of a child,
family, friends, and his anger would dissipate, leaving him with only
the gap in his heart where Aimee used to be.
 

Chapter five

Though we are a world apart
I know you'll never be that far
'Cause here in my heart
There's a picture of us
Together forever
Unfaded and unbroken
Wherever you are
Your love covers me
Forever more you'll be
Here in my heart
~~~~~~Plus One

Four years later......

Gilly was instructing her little cousin and best friend, Melanie, on the
fine art of shoe tying, even though she hadn't quite mastered it
herself.  And Melanie, being a year and a half younger, was not really
grasping it either.  Both of them had their faces screwed up in intense
concentration, their tongues poking out of their mouths.  It was quite
comical to watch and Gary smiled at his daughter and niece.  He had to
laugh at how Gilly had gotten it in her head to teach Melanie everything
she knew before starting to school the following day, as if she might
not see Melanie again for a long time.

He was watching Melanie for Abby and Alex tonight, so that they could
have some time alone before their second child came along, and the two
girls were having a great time together.  They looked more like sisters
than cousins as Melanie took after Alex, with those trademark emerald
green eyes that he and Aimee shared.  The thought brought a twinge of
sadness to Gary, as he thought of the brothers and sisters he and Aimee
had wanted to give Gilly.  He still missed her so much, probably worse
than ever.  And the older Gilly got, the more she would need a mother.
He wasn't sure he was up to the task of being both mother and father.

"Daddy, Daddy, look!!  We tied our shoes."  Gilly and Mel ran to him and
each propped a foot up on the couch to proudly display their shoe tying
skills.  Both sets of shoes looked to be hopelessly knotted, but Gary
smiled anyway.

"Wow!!  That's very good!  You did a great job!"

"I taught Mel how to do it.", Gilly exclaimed proudly, puffing out her
little chest.

Mel's little face turned serious as she looked up at him.  "Uncle Gary,
can I go to school wif Gilly?"

Gary pulled them both up on his lap and spoke consolingly.  "No sweetie,
you can't go to school with Gilly.  You'll get to go to school next
year."  He could see that this was not a convincing argument.  After
all, a year to a four year old seemed like forever.  He switched gears,
hoping to avoid two sets of tiny female tears.  "Besides, who's gonna
take care of your mommy if you go to school?  You'll still get to see
Gilly everyday and Gilly you'll get to show Mel all the new things you
learn."

The two girls seemed to accept his answer, for now anyway, since they
changed the subject.

"Daddy, can we watch "Anastasia?"  Gilly's request was accompanied by a
sweet smile that had him wrapped around her finger.  He sometimes
wondered how it was that she wasn't spoiled rotten.  When she smiled
that smile and flashed those green eyes, both inherited from her mother,
he found it very hard to say no to her.

He looked at his watch.  There were still a few hours till their
bedtime, so he put the movie in for them and made them some popcorn.
The two girls, in their pajamas and their knotted sneakers, sat on the
floor together completely engrossed in the movie. Gilly had a
fascination with "Anastasia".  Gary suspected that she related to the
character who couldn't remember her family, the way she couldn't
remember her own mother, although for a different reason.  On countless
occasions, she had asked Gary about Aimee, and he told her all he
could.  He gave her a picture of Aimee also, which she kept on the stand
next to her bed, and every night she would kiss the image of her mother
before going to sleep.  The first time she did it, it nearly broke
Gary's heart, and made him wish he could give her the real thing,
instead of just a photograph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning, Gary learned a valuable lesson about females.  Gilly
wanted to look just perfect for her first day of school, and took her
sweet time in choosing an outfit.  He finally had to get firm with her,
choosing an outfit for her and making her put all the rest of her
clothes away.  This made her quite unhappy with him, and an angry Gilly
was quite an endearing sight for him.  Just like with Aimee, he thought
she was so adorable when she was mad.  As cute as she was though, from
now on he'd make her choose her clothes the day before to avoid any
further delays.

Alex had kindly offered to take the paper for the day so that Gary could
get Gilly settled on her first day of school.  It was a good thing,
since the day was already off to a bad start and they were running late.

He'd become quite an expert at pony tails, braids and barrettes over the
years, but this morning Gilly insisted on doing her own hair as well.
After all, she was a grown up young lady, at the ripe old age of five,
who felt it was beneath her to need help.  There were some traits she
hadn't inherited from her mother, and this was one of them.  The result
of her efforts was a lopsided ponytail with clumps of her dark hair
sticking up here and there.  When Gary tried to fix it for her, she
started to cry, and he knew it was more than just her hair that was
bothering her.  He sat down on her bed and pulled her onto his lap.

"What's the matter, silly Gillly?", he asked, as he wiped her tears.

Gilly sniffled and said, "I don't want to go to school.  I want to stay
with you, Daddy."

'Oh boy!', Gary thought.  He wasn't sure how to deal with this
situation.  Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Aimee's picture and
whispered a little plea for help.

He lifted Gilly's chin with his finger until her tear-filled eyes met
his.  "Gilly, you know what your mommy would say right now?"

Gilly sniffled again and shook her head.

"She'd say that if you want to grow up to be as smart and beautiful as
she is, then you have to go to school.  And she'd say that you should
always give things a chance, even when you're scared.  What'dya say?
Will you be a brave girl for me and for mommy?"

She swiped at her tears and nodded.

"That's my girl."  He kissed her and set her back on her feet.  "Now,
will you please let me help you with your ponytail?"

Gilly brought him her hair brush and allowed him to straighten her hair,
then finally they were off.  Unfortunately, Gary wasn't prepared for the
fact that the day that had started so badly was about to take a turn for
the worse.
 

Chapter six

This day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
~~~~~~~~~Caedmon's Call

When Gary finally arrived with Gilly at her school, they were already
ten minutes late.  Gilly wasn't helping things as she dragged her feet
all the way there.  She took Gary's hand, sighed heavily, and let him
lead her toward the building.  She walked like a prisoner facing
execution.  Gary was tempted to ask her if she wanted a cigarette before
facing the firing squad.  He stopped and knelt down before her, trying
to find the words to say that would make her feel better, but just as he
was about to speak, the doors flew open and a horde of children
descended upon them, running and screaming in a disorganized mass.  The
jangling bells of the fire alarm were doing their best to be heard above
the roar of the children, and they were succeeding quite nicely.

Before the stampede could trample he and Gilly, Gary scooped her up and
stepped out of the path of the herd.  The school doors stood open like a
mouth, spewing forth children.  The situation certainly wasn't helping
to alleviate Gilly's fears.  Her arms were wrapped tightly around her
father's neck and her eyes darted back and forth from one child to
another as they ran past.  Finally, she spoke in Gary's ear.

"Daddy, I don't think I like school."  She spoke as if she expected this
course of events to be repeated every morning.

Gary was looking around in confusion, trying to determine what was
happening.  It seemed that the outpouring of kids was slowing until only
one remained, carried out the door by a frustrated Alex, who spotted
Gary right away.  He released the now squirming child and made his way
to where Gary stood.

"I guess you never expected to see me here", Alex quipped.

"What happened?"

"Some fifth grader was messing around in the science lab and started a
fire.  I put it out right away, but the kid panicked and pulled the fire
alarm anyway."

Gary glanced at Gilly's frightened face and wondered how he'd ever get
her to go to school after this fiasco.  "Great.  That's just great!!",
he muttered.

Several teachers were now rounding up the children, attempting to
organize them by class.  A pumper truck from the fire department arrived
on the scene with it's siren blaring.  The shrieking noise provided the
background music for the surreal ballet being played out in front of
the Ronald W. Reagan Elementary School.  Gilly covered her ears and
buried her face in Gary's neck.  He rubbed her back comfortingly and
sent up a silent prayer that this wouldn't scare her off school forever.

Alex glanced at the paper and then his watch.  His actions gave Gary a
strange sense of seeing himself.  He now knew how peculiar he looked to
others and he realized again what a great weight off of him it was to
have someone he could trust to help him out.

"Alex, thanks again for taking the paper today.  I know it isn't easy,
but it means a lot to me", he reached out a hand and Alex shook it.

"I know you'd do the same for me, Gary.  Besides, I think Aimee would
like the idea of us helping each other out."  Alex reached toward Gilly
and stroked her hair.  "Hey Gilly, I've been inside", he gestured toward
the building, "and it's not so bad.  I think you'll like it."

Gilly gave her uncle a tentative smile, and looked over his shoulder at
the imposing building, then she turned back and buried her face in
Gary's neck again.  If she looked as if she were facing a firing squad
before, now she appeared as if she were about to be tortured, before
enduring a slow painful death.

They said their goodbyes to Alex, and then Gary carried Gilly over to a
group of children that he assumed were the kindegartners.  He tried to
set Gilly down, but she tightened her grip.

"Gilly", Gary spoke soothingly.  "You're alright.  I'm not going
anywhere."  He set her down and she took his hand and looked around at
her fellow students with wide frightened eyes.

"Mr. Hobson?  Mr. H?  This is so great!  I was gonna come by McGinty's
to see you after I got settled.  W-What are you doing here?"  He paused
for a second and pointed to his head.  "Oh, I know.  That sixth sense of
yours right?  I got it!!  You knew about the fire and you came to
prevent it."

Gary heard the familiar voice before he saw the face.  He closed his
eyes and prayed he was mistaken about who it was that was speaking to
him.  When he opened his eyes again and looked up from Gilly, he found
Patrick Quinn standing before him and his worst fears were confirmed.
He groaned inwardly.  Here he thought he had rid himself of Patrick
years ago.

Pasting on a smile, he said, "Patrick.  How ya been?".  He was about to
reach out to shake his hand but found himself pulled into Patrick's
awkward embrace instead.

"Patrick, what are you doing in Chicago?  I thought you were still
teaching in Oregon."

"I was, ya know, but I missed this place."  He began gesturing wildly
with his hands.  "You know, the pulse of the city streets, the brisk
winters, the lake, the sound of the el, the traffic....."

He would've continued on indefinitely if Gary hadn't cut him off.  "But
Patrick, what are you doing *here*?"

"Oh, here.  You mean here at this school?  I'm teaching kindergarten
here.  I got the job last minute."  He lowered his voice
conspiratorially and leaned toward Gary.  "The former kindergarten
teacher was involved in some kind of scandal and got fired.  It's all
very hush hush!!  But it was lucky for me, cause I was hoping to move
back to Chicago.  Hey, how's Ms. Clark and all the gang at McGinty's?
Ya know, I really miss that place.  Hey, I just had a great idea.  Maybe
I could come back and work there weekends.  Yeah, it'd be just like old
times.  You and me together again.  And I could help you out with that
sixth sense of yours, just like I used to.  Is that why you're here?
Was it the whole fire thing?"

He finally took a breath and Gary was able to get a word in edgewise.
"No Patrick, I'm here because it's my daughter's first day of school."
He glanced down at Gilly, who was still clinging to his hand and staring
up at Patrick as if she'd just encountered a little green man from outer
space.

"Oh wow!!  I didn't know you had a daughter.  That's so great!
Congratulations!  I mean, I knew you had gotten married a few years
back.  Ms. Clark told me when I called McGinty's, but I never knew you
had a daughter.  Wow!!  That means she's gonna be in my class.  What a
coincidence.  I bet you never thought I'd be teaching your child
someday, did you Mr. H......"

Once again, Gary had to interrupt.  "Patrick, don't you think you should
be taking care of your class?"  He backpedaled a little when he realized
how harsh he sounded.  "I mean, we can always catch up later."  No one
got on his nerves quicker than Patrick Quinn, but he remembered how
Patrick had always thought of him as the older brother he never had.
Besides, he didn't want Gilly to pick up on any negative vibes he had
about Patrick.  She was already nervous enough about school, without
thinking her dad hated her teacher.

"Oh right."  Patrick winked and slugged Gary in the shoulder playfully.
"We'll catch up later.  I'll come by McGinty's tonight and we can hang
out, maybe shoot some pool.  Hey, I know.  We can have dinner.  I've
been craving some of those famous McGinty's buffalo wings......"

"Patrick!!"

"Right.  Back to my students."  He finally turned his attention to his
class and gathered them together.  Once he got them in a line, they
filed into the building like little soldiers.

Gary ended up staying the whole time.  Gilly wouldn't let him out of her
sight, and he couldn't just abandon her after such a chaotic start to
her first day of school.  As it was, he barely got her to let go of his
hand.  He sat in the back of the room and observed the goings on, while
Gilly constantly turned back to make sure he was still there.  As much
as Patrick irritated him, he had to admit that the guy had a way with
children.  It seemed he'd found his calling after all.

For a few minutes, Gilly forgot about Gary and lost herself in drawing a
picture of her family.  She drew herself, standing next to her daddy,
holding his hand.  Above them hovered her mother, all in white with
angel's wings.  The little boy next to her glanced over at her picture
and asked about the angel.  When Gilly explained that it was her mother,
who was now an angel watching over her from Heaven, he sneered and
accused her of making it up.  He taunted her, saying she never really
had a mother and that there was no such thing as angels.

Gilly's lower lip quivered and tears started to form.  In a quick act of
revenge, she snatched her tormentors own drawing away from him and tore
it in half.  Then she ran to her daddy and flung herself into his arms
and sobbed.

That night she had a dream that her mother was being burned in a fire.
Her screams of "MOMMY, MOMMY!" jolted Gary awake and sent him flying
into her room to comfort her.  It took him over an hour to calm her
down.  He held her against his chest and stroked her hair comfortingly,
softly singing Aimee's song to her until she fell asleep again.  After
such a traumatic start, it took weeks for him to get her to stay in
school without him.  It was quite a juggling act with the paper, but
with a little help from Alex and Chuck, he was able to manage it.  He
only hoped this start wasn't a foreshadowing of things to come.
 

Chapter seven

People moving in every direction
Can't take a moment to be kind
For lack of understanding
The pace is too demanding
You could easily lose your mind
Standing under neon lights
Or lying down to troubled nights
Avoiding the most painful sights
You could easily lose your mind
~~~~~~~~~Amy Grant

Three years later.....

"Daddy, daddy, wake up!!!"  Gilly climbed into the bed beside Gary and
began boucing up and down.  "Wake up, sleepyhead.  It's time to get
up."  She repeated the phrases he always used on her and continued
jumping up and down until Gary groaned and sat up.

"Gilly, what are you doing?  It's only 6:00am."

"It's my birthday, Daddy.  You said I could have my present as soon as I
woke up."  She continued bouncing with all the energy of a now eight
year old.

Gary rubbed his face sleepily.  "No, I said you could have your present
as soon as *I* woke up."

"Well, you're awake now", she responded innocently.

"Alright, alright.  Just let me get some coffee first."  He stumbled out
of bed, and Gilly stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck from
behind so that he could piggy back her to the kitchen.  When he dropped
her in her chair, she propped her elbows on the table, chin in her hands
and watched him.

After a few swallows of coffee, he felt more prepared to face his
exuberant birthday girl.  "Here ya go, silly Gilly.  Happy Birthday!",
he said as he handed her the brightly wrapped package.

He smiled as she unwrapped her present, and he thought of Aimee, as
usual.  Today would have been her birthday as well, and Gary wished with
all his heart that she were here to celebrate it.  Some nights he still
dreamed of her, dreams that seemed so real that he would wake up and
have to remind himself that she was gone.  The years had not dimmed his
longing to have her back.  Although time had dulled his pain somewhat,
his longing to see her and hold her in his arms just got stronger and
stronger each day.

Gilly was like her mother in so many ways, with her heartbreaking smile
and her way of winning people so effortlessly.  Abby, Alex, Gary's
parents, and Marissa all agreed that she was a lot like Aimee, but they
also saw shades of Gary in her that he didn't always see.  Occasionally
they would observe Gilly scratching her head in confusion like he did,
and she had an endearing habit of saying "Howzat?" which was so like her
father that everyone laughed whenever she said it.

She had also inherited some of her father's insecurities.  Gary was very
aware of this, and blamed himself for it.  He felt as if she had picked
up on all his fears about raising her alone and took them upon herself,
or that maybe as an infant, she had sensed his reluctance to let anyone
else take care of her and now she had her own strange fears about being
away from him.  Her kindergarten days were a prime example of what he
considered his failures as a father.  Though no one else believed that
he had failed in any way, they couldn't convince him of that fact.

Meow!  Thump!

"Daddy, your paper's here."  Gilly scooted out of her seat, birthday
gift in hand, and ran to the door.  She wasn't completely aware of the
significance of her father's paper, but she did know that there was some
importance attached to it.  Having grown up with this routine for most
of her eight years, she just accepted it as a matter of course, as if
everyone's father got a special paper delivered by a cat.  Someday, Gary
knew he'd have to explain it to her, but he was waiting for the right
time, whenever that would be.

The paper had several stories that needed his attention, but nothing
that would interfere with Gilly's surprise birthday party after school,
or so he thought.  Gary breathed a sigh of relief, and scooped up his
daughter, tickling her until she squealed and cried "UNCLE!"

"How 'bout you go get dressed and I'll take my favorite birthday girl
out for breakfast before school", he suggested after setting her back on
the floor.

"Can I have chocolate chip pancakes?", she asked with a giggle.

"Yes, you can have chocolate chip pancakes."  He shooed her toward her
room and headed for the shower.

After breakfast, Gary walked her to school.  When they arrived, he bit
back a smile and said, "Don't forget you have a doctor's appointment
later.  I'll pick you up right here after school."

Gilly's smile faded at his words.  She'd also inherited her father's
aversion to doctors and hospitals.  "Do I really have to go to the
doctor on my birthday?"

It was all he could do not to laugh at the look on her face.  She'd be
so surprised when she found herself at her own birthday party instead of
the doctor's.  "Don't worry, it's just for a check-up.  It won't take
long."

With a look of resignation, she kissed him goodbye and headed into the
building with the other schoolchildren.  Gary began to wonder if the
doctor's appointment ploy was too cruel.  After all, it was Chuck's
idea, so maybe he should've thought it over some more before agreeing to
it.  Too late now, he realized, and walked off hoping Gilly wouldn't be
miserable the whole day.

Instead, it was he who was miserable all day.  After a series of
mishaps, he arrived late for his last save, preventing a teenage girl
from being assaulted by her date.  The car was parked in an alley and
through the rear window, Gary could see the silhouettes of the two teens
who should've been in school.  A struggle broke out between them and
then the girl's piercing scream echoed through the alley, bouncing off
the surrounding buildings.  Gary, breathless from his sprint the last
few blocks, pulled open the driver's door and yanked the young man out.
The shocked teen did not appreciate this interruption.  With a hard
shove to Gary's chest, knocking him to the ground, the kid took off down
the alley and disappeared around the corner.  A nearby pedestrian heard
the scream and called the police, and when they arrived, they found Gary
standing over a teenage girl with torn clothes and bruises.  Before any
explanations could be made, the cuffs were slapped on Gary's wrist and
he was hauled to the station.  By the time the whole mess was
straightened out, Gary was late for Gilly's party.

The paper's interference with Gary's time with Gilly was a great source
of contention for him.  It didn't happen often, especially since Alex
took the paper off his hands during special times, but when it did, his
anger and frustration were renewed.  How was he supposed to 'live his
life' when his life was being ruled by a future telling newspaper and a
cat.  If he were alone, he wouldn't be so angry, but now his child was
involved as well, and she didn't deserve a father whose time was taken
up with babysitting a generally ungrateful city of Chicago.  These were
his thoughts as he sat in the interrogation room.

Once again, he cursed the very thing that so many thought of as a gift.
Why should he help others, at the sacrifice of the most precious thing
in his life, his daughter?  He knew that Aimee would have an answer for
him, or would find some way to soothe his bitter soul, if she were
here.  But the paper had taken her away.  It always came back to that
paper.  Without another thought, he dropped the object of his ire in the
nearest trash receptacle, but the action brought little comfort as he
thought of his 'silly Gilly' waiting for him after school or wondering
why he wasn't there for her birthday party.  Once again he had failed
her.

Chuck was in the office at McGinty's when Gary called from the police
station.  Everyone was busy with preparations for Gilly's party, so he
went himself to the school to pick her up, but only after a little
Chuck-like grumbling and complaining about being Gary's slave and second
banana, and trying to wheedle a stock tip out of him.  But the reality
was, that Chuck loved Gilly, especially once she got past the diaper and
drooling stage.  And Gilly loved her Uncle Chuck as well, even when he
tried to get her to sneak him the financial pages of her father's
newspaper.

As much as she loved her Uncle Chuck, however, when he showed up at
school instead of her dad, childish fears of being orphaned and thrown
out on the streets to fend for herself assaulted her fragile psyche.
When Chuck wouldn't give an explanation as to her dad's whereabouts, she
just knew that something terrible had happened.  All the way home, her
imagination ran wild as she pictured herself wearing rags and sleeping
in cardboard boxes, staving off starvation and frostbite.  She forgot
all about the doctor's appointment that she'd been dreading all day, as
much worse fears gripped her.  It wasn't until she heard the shouts of
"SURPRISE" and "Happy Birthday" that she even realized that she was at
Abby and Alex's house, not the doctor's office.

Her eyes searched the room frantically for her dad, hoping that he would
be there as part of the surprise.  But her hopes were quickly dashed as
she realized he wasn't there.  With a sudden flash of uncommonly mature
insight for an eight year old, she pasted on a smile for the benefit of
those around her and pretended to enjoy the party so lovingly planned
for her.  When she blew out the candles on her cake, she didn't hesitate
to think of a wish.  It was the same thing she had wished for every year
for as long as she could remember.  Her deepest heart's desire was to
have her mom back, only this time her dad was added to that wish.
 

Chapter eight

Five years later.......

She smiles through a thousand tears
And harbors adolescent fears
She dreams of all that she can never be
She wades in insecurity
~~~~~~~Mariah Carey

Up in Mel's bedroom, she and Gilly lay on her bed on their backs with
their heads at the wrong end and their sock clad feet propped against
the window.  Outside, a violent thunderstorm raged, and with each clap
of thunder the glass vibrated beneath their feet.  Gilly, who usually
loved storms, paid no attention, as she had a storm of her own brewing
in her soul.  She sighed and turned her head toward Mel.

"Mel, what's it like to have a mother?"

Mel looked at Gilly in surprise.  "Are you serious?", she asked.  The
look on Gilly's face was all the answer she needed.  Her eyes studied
the pattern on the ceiling for a minute as she contemplated what to
say.  "Well, that's kinda hard to answer, but............it's great."

"I know it's great, but what's it *like*?"  Gilly's voice was laced with
longing and it hurt Mel to hear it.  She reached out and clasped Gilly's
hand in a gesture of comfort toward her best friend and cousin.

"Well, you know how when you're over, my mom makes your favorite meals
and let's you watch all your favorite movies, but she still makes sure
you did your homework and that you go to bed on time?", Mel asked.

"Yes"

"That's pretty much what it's like to have a mother.  She makes sure
you're doing what you're supposed to do, she takes care of you, but
she's a friend too."  Mel laughed softly.  "Well, most of the time
anyway."   She turned toward Gilly and saw the glimmer of a tear in her
eye.  "Gilly, you know my mom loves you a lot and I don't mind sharing
her with you.  I never have. You're like a sister to me.  So, if you
want to think of her as your mom too, it's okay."

With a sniffle and a swipe at the tear that had escaped, Gilly said,
"Thanks Mel.  You know I think of you as a sister too and I love your
mom, but it's just not the same as having a mother for every minute of
everyday.  Besides, I know my dad really misses my mom a lot too, even
though he pretends he's fine.  I wish I had known her even a little."

Mel sat up suddenly and said, "Why don't you talk to my mom?  You know
they were best friends.  She'd tell you anything you wanted to know.
C'mon!"  She grabbed Gilly's arm and pulled her off the bed
enthusiastically, with high hopes of cheering up her best friend.

Abby sensed that Gilly was really suffering from the absence of her
mother.  On the verge of turning thirteen, she was at a point in life
where she really needed a woman's guidance.  Abby tried to give that
guidance as best she could, but with a husband and two children of her
own, it was only on a part time basis and she knew it just wasn't
enough.  She stroked her niece's hair and said, "Ya know, Gilly, you're
a lot like your mother.  You're sweet and smart and beautiful like she
was.  Did you know that you had her smile?"

Gilly nodded her head.  "My dad tells me that sometimes.  But he doesn't
talk about her much.  I think it hurts him to remember."

Now it was Abby's turn to nod.  She had seen how Gary had locked his
heart away when it came to finding love again.  Every woman that came
into his life over the years was compared to Aimee and found lacking.
It wasn't as if she blamed him,  after all, the heart follows it's own
set of rules.  But she felt sometimes, that if he would just talk about
Aimee, share memories, laugh and cry with his daughter, then some of his
heart's pain would ease, and maybe he'd be able to let someone else in.

For several hours, Abby told stories about Aimee to the daughter she'd
left behind.  When it was time to take Gilly home again, though, she
vowed that she would speak to Gary and try to make him see how much his
daughter needed to hear him talk about her mother.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gary sat down on the bed in the master bedroom that still remained just
the way Aimee had wanted it.  He thought about Abby's words from
earlier, about how he needed to tell Gilly more about her mother.  He
knew it was true, had known it for a long time, but he just kept putting
it off.  Now she was about to become a teenager.  The years had flown by
so quickly, and yet at the same time, they had dragged on and on without
Aimee.  Gilly was becoming a young woman already.  She was so helpful
around the apartment, keeping it clean, cooking meals, and doing their
laundry.  In truth, he couldn't remember when she had started doing
these things, but he chalked it up as another of his failures as a
father.  In his mind, his failures were as numerous as the newspapers
that had been delivered over the years.  And the headline on this latest
one read, "Gilly's lost childhood".  He had allowed her to take on
responsibilities that were meant for an adult.  He saw that now, but he
didn't know what to do about it.

He laid down on the bed and took Aimee's picture off the nightstand.
"Aimee, what am I going to do?  Gilly's growing up and she needs so much
more than I can give her.  She needs you.  I'm failing her."  Squeezing
his eyes shut against the tears that threatened to fall, he drifted off
into a restless sleep.

"Gary?  Gary?"

Gary opened his eyes and squinted at the image before him.  He sat up
and rubbed his eyes.  "Who's there?", he asked.

The image moved again and the woman came into focus.  "It's me, Aimee."
She knelt before him and looked into his eyes.

He jolted upright and reached out a hand toward her, not quite able to
touch her.  "Aimee, is that really you?"

"Yes, Gary!  I'm here to give you a message.  You're doing a good
job with Gilly.  I'm very proud of you both.  Give her the journals and
the letter, Gary.  It's time."

Gary's voice cracked as he answered.  "Aimee, I can't do this anymore.
I need you.  I thought we were gonna grow old together."  He struggled
to reach for her, but she was nothing but mist.

"You *can* do this, Gary.  Give her the journals and the letter.
Everything's gonna be okay."  Her image started to fade as did her voice
as she called out, "I love you, Gary."

He sat bolt upright, and searched the room again.  Everything seemed to
be normal.  There were no misty images of Aimee, nor any evidence that
she had ever been there.  He rubbed his eyes and wondered if it had all
been a dream.

In the other room, Gilly lay sleeping when she too was awakened by a
voice calling her name.  She sat up and stared wide-eyed at the image of
her mother standing in front of her.  Part of her was afraid, until her
mother spoke again.

"Gilly, I'm here to give you a message.  Ask your dad about the journals
and the letter.  I'm proud of you Gilly, and I love you.  Everything's
gonna be okay."  And then the image faded from view as quickly as it had
come.

Gilly sat bolt upright, and searched the room again.  Everything seemed
to be normal.  There were no misty images of her mother, nor any
evidence that she had ever been there.  She rubbed her eyes and wondered
if it had all been a dream.

The next morning, as father and daughter sat down to breakfast, both
were consumed with thoughts of Aimee, and both were struggling with a
way to broach the subject.  Finally, Gilly broke the silence.

"Dad?  Can I ask you something?"

Gary looked up from his pancakes and swallowed hard.  "What is it?"

"Did mom leave anything for me?  Some journals and a letter?"

Gary's jaw dropped.  Could it be just coincidence that she would ask
about the very things Aimee had reminded him of in his dream?, he
wondered.  He had to know.  "W-What made you ask that?"

Gilly wasn't sure how he would react to her answer.  She found it hard
to believe herself.   "I-I had this dream last night.  Atleast, I think
it was a dream.  Anyway, mom was in my room and she told me to ask you
about the journals and the letter."

Gary's fork clattered to the floor, and his face paled.  "W-What else
did she say?", he asked.

"She said that she was proud of me and that she loved me, and that
everything was gonna be okay."

All rational thought fled from Gary's mind as he stared at his daughter
in shock.  Those were the same words she'd said to him as well.  He had
been so sure it had been a dream, but now he had his doubts.

"Dad, are you alright?"

"C'mon Gilly.  It's time we talked."  Gary led Gilly into the master
bedroom where he had kept all of Aimee's journals over the years.  He
pulled out the last one she had been writing in and opened it to the
back page.  There in Aimee's flowing script was Gilly's name on the
envelope which contained the letter she had written for her daughter
just before her death.  But before Gary gave it to her, he spoke.

"I had almost the same dream last night.  Your mom was in here and told
me she was proud of us both.  She told me to give you the letter and the
journals.  Gilly, I know I haven't been the greatest father, and I'm
sorry.  I wasn't prepared to raise you alone.  When your mom died, I was
devastated.  I didn't think I would ever be able to go on without her.
I haven't talked about her much, because I still miss her more than I
can say.  But that was a mistake.  Whatever you want to know, I'll tell
you."

Gilly sat down on the bed and crossed her legs Indian style.  "Really?
Will you tell me how you and mom met?"

He nodded and smiled at the memory.  "Well, she was going to be hit by a
car..."

"Mom was in the paper?", Gilly asked in awe.  When she was about nine or
ten, Gary had finally sat her down and explained as best he could about
his mysterious newspaper.  She was proud of her father, but she worried
about him as well.  And in all these years, it had never occured to her
that someone close to her would be the subject of an article in her
dad's special paper.  It was that 'it could never happen to me or anyone
I know' attitude that most kids have that had led her to believe that
the paper was always about strangers.

Gary nodded and told her how he couldn't stop thinking about Aimee
that whole day.  He recalled how she had shown up that night looking for
a job, and how her hotel burned down and she ended up staying on his
couch.  "I fell in love with her that very day", he whispered with a
laugh, "but it took me a few weeks to get up the nerve to tell her how I
felt."

"And then what happened?"  Gilly was enthralled by the romantic story.

"Well, I told her that I loved her and she said she loved me too, and
then the very next day we got married."

With a sigh and a dreamy look, Gilly said, "That's so romantic!!"  After
a brief pause she added, "Dad, do you ever think you'll get married
again?"

Gary sighed heavily and ran his hand over the back of his neck as he
thought about how to answer.  "I don't know, Gilly.  Your mom was the
sweetest, most beautiful woman I've ever known.  She was special, ya
know, really special.  I loved her so much, and I can't imagine ever
feeling that way about anyone else ever again."

In a way, Gilly was relieved to hear it.  There was only one woman she'd
ever wanted for her mother, and that was Aimee.  She also felt it her
responsibility to take care of her father, and she didn't want any other
woman interfering with that.  A new mother would only usurp her place of
importance in her father's life.  Her dad was her best friend, her
safety net.  They had shared a lot of special times together, just the
two of them, and she liked it that way.

The path her thoughts had taken was clearly written across her face.

Gary reached out and touched her nose with his finger.  "Gilly, you know
you're my best girl and you always will be.  Nothing will ever change
that.  And I appreciate all the things you do around here, but I don't
want you to feel like you have to take care of me.  I should've told you
this a long time ago, but it's okay for you to just be a kid.  I've
failed you in a lot of ways, silly Gilly, but I love you more than
anything."

She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck.  "You haven't
failed me, dad.  Besides, I like taking care of you."  The video in her
mind rewound to all the times when she was sick and he nursed her back
to health, and when she had nightmares and he held her and sang to her
until she fell asleep again.  Sure there were times when he couldn't be
there, like on her eighth birthday.  But she now realized that it cost
him dearly when he had to miss something because of the paper, and she
understood.

They talked a while longer, and then Gilly took her mother's journals
and the letter to her room and read throughout the rest of the day and
long into the night, getting to know the woman she'd always longed to
have in her life.  She finally fell asleep with one of the journals
open, lying on her chest, and Cat curled up at her feet.

Gary found her that way and set the book aside.  He pulled the covers up
over her and kissed her softly on the forehead, watching her sleep for a
few minutes.  It reminded him of all the times he'd watched Aimee
sleep.  Gilly was growing up to be so much like her.  There wasn't
anything he wouldn't do for his 'silly Gilly' as he still occasionally
called her, though it embarrased her to no end.  But he still had his
doubts about whether he'd be able to be all that she needed as she grew
into a young adult.

Suddenly he felt a rush of reassurance, like a gentle breeze had swept
through the room, and he smiled and remembered Aimee's words from her
letter that said she'd be watching over he and Gilly.  The peaceful
feeling stayed with him as he headed into his own room and slept,
dreaming sweet dreams throughout the night.
 

Chapter nine

As the years have passed me by
I have laughed and I have cried
I have done so many things that I regret
And I have seen what it means
To take a stand and to believe
To hold every given moment close to me
But nothing compares to your love
The love you gave to me
~~~~~~~~~~~Zoegirl

Three years later.....

With a dreamy smile, Gilly swayed to the strains of the soft music, in
the arms of the  nicest and cutest boy in her school.  She'd had a crush
on Ryan for quite some time, but as they were both shy, nothing had ever
come of it until now.  She'd finally gotten up the courage to invite him
to her sweet sixteen birthday party, and he had eagerly accepted.  Now
neither could seem to wipe the smiles from their faces as they danced.

This is what it feels like to be grown-up, Gilly thought.  It was the
kind of moment that spawned beautiful dreams, a perfect moment, a moment
so full of magic and romance, that she held her breath and closed her
eyes, savoring it and storing it away in her memory to bring out again
and again.

All the people she loved were here tonight;  her dad, her grandparents,
Crumb--her surrogate grandfather, Uncle Alex and Aunt Abby, her cousins
Melanie and eleven year old Matthew, Marrisa and Emmett and their
children,  fourteen year old Emmett jr, and ten year old twins, Shanesia
and Eleanor, and Uncle Chuck.  Even Mr. Quinn, her kindergarten teacher
was there.  And they had gone all out to make this night special for
her. These people were her family, although few were related by blood.
It was true what her mother had written in her letter. These people were
"heart relatives", and sometimes those ties were stronger than blood.

Her friends and classmates filled the dance floor.  But tonight, here at
McGinty's, Gilly was queen of the ball.  As she danced, her eyes roamed
around the room, stopping to rest on Abby and Mel as they served punch
together, smiling and laughing easily as they did.  Then Abby shooed her
daughter off to the dance floor to enjoy the party.  It was another of
the many sweet mother/daughter moments that Gilly had witnessed over the
years.  She watched them wistfully, thinking how truly perfect
everything would be if her own mother were here to share in this day.

Earlier, up in the loft, she had found her dad in the master bedroom.
It was the place he always went when he was missing her mom more than
usual. While Gilly cherished the fact that she had been born on her
mother's birthday, because it gave her a sense of connection to the mom
she never knew, it was a bittersweet reminder to her dad, and that
saddened her.

"Dad, are you okay?", she asked.

Gary looked up at Gilly standing in the doorway and smiled.  "Yeah, I'm
okay."  He beckoned her into the room, and held up two small packages,
wrapped in brightly colored paper.  As he handed her the first, he said,
"This is from your mom.  I thought you should open it in here,
surrounded by all the things she loved."

Gilly took the box from his hand and stared at it in wonder.  "This is
from Mom?", she asked.  "How is that possible?"

"Open it and I'll tell you", he answered with a smile.

Her hands shook as she tore off the wrapping and opened the lid to find
an exquisite emerald ring, and a gold chain with an emerald heart-shaped
charm.  "These are so beautiful!", she exclaimed.

"They belonged to your mom.  She told me in her letter to give them to
you someday, and I thought your sixteenth birthday was the right time.
The ring was from her mother, and it's been handed down from daughter to
daughter over the years."  Gary swallowed hard, trying to rid
himself of the lump in his throat.  He couldn't bring himself to say
that someday she would hand it down to her own daughter, because he
didn't want to think that far ahead.  His baby girl was growing up so
fast, and Aimee wasn't here to witness it.  "I wish she were here to
give that to you herself", he whispered.

Gilly nodded in understanding.  She felt the absence of her mother quite
strongly as well.  She blinked back the tears and placed the ring on her
finger, then she turned her attention to the necklace.  "What about
this?", she asked, certain there was a story behind it as well.

Gary told her the story of how he bought Aimee the charm for their first
Christmas together and had it engraved, and how she had bought him the
watch and had it engraved with the same exact words.  He pulled off his
wristwatch and showed her the engraving, which she compared to the back
of the emerald heart-shaped charm.

"And neither of you knew about the engraving before hand?", Gilly asked
in awe.

"No, not until we exchanged our gifts."  Gary smiled at the memory.
"She was asleep under the Christmas tree when I came home that day.  She
used to love to lie under there and look up through the tree at the
lights."

"Really?  You never told me that before."   Gilly lapped up this
information like a thirsty dog with a fresh bowl of water, and she was
eager for more.

"Did I ever tell you that she was asleep under the Christmas tree again
the very next year, when I found out that we were expecting you?"  When
Gilly shook her head, he continued.  "She was holding a small box that
had my name on it, and when I opened it, there was a pair of baby shoes
with no laces, and a card with a poem that she had written."

"What did the poem say?"

Gary recited the poem for her, and then sighed heavily.  "That was one
of the happiest days of my life.  That day and the day I married your
mom, and the day you were born."  He shook himself out of his memories,
and handed her the second gift which held a delicate pair of emerald
earrings.  "These are from me", he said, and wiped at a tear as his
grown-up Gilly displayed her birthday gifts.

Now as Gilly danced, decked out in her new green dress and all her
emerald finery, she glanced at her dad, who was sitting in the corner
watching her with a lonely expression.  The magic of the evening fled,
as she thought about what her dad would do without her.  Suddenly, she
didn't want to be quite so grown-up anymore.  What would become of him,
if she went away to college or got married someday?

As the song ended, Gilly excused herself from Ryan for a few minutes and
went to the jukebox where she chose the song that her dad had always
sung to her throughout the years, the song that her mother sang to her
as an infant.  The smooth sultry voice filled the room as Gilly stood
before her father and extended her hand.  "May I have this dance?", she
asked.

Gary smiled and stood, taking his daughter in his arms.  "You sure you
want to dance with me?"  He looked around at all the disappointed
teenage boys who seemed to be waiting for their chance to dance with
Gilly.  She had turned into quite a beauty, just like her mother.  And
like her mother, she didn't seem to be aware of it.  He'd been watching
her admirers with a possessive fatherly eye all night, not sure he was
ready for the realm of 'boyfriends' and all that it entailed.  He was
already having thoughts of physical retribution if one of these hormone
crazed boys laid a finger on his silly Gilly.

"Well, they're playing our song.  Who else would I dance with?", she
responded.

"Happy Birthday, silly Gilly!  You've grown up so fast.  I can't believe
it was sixteen years ago that you were born."  The green dress she was
wearing reminded him of the dress Aimee had worn to the ball on their
first date, the night he had proposed.  "You look more like your mom
everyday.", he said, with a wistful smile.  And he found himself getting
all choked up again, as the words of the song made him think of Aimee
cradling her baby in her arms, singing her to sleep.

"....if you would be my baby.  If the world was mine to redesign, then
suddenly you would find that you would be my baby......"

"Dad, did you know that every year on my birthday for as long as I can
remember, I wished for my mom back?", Gilly asked.

Her confession tore at his heart.  "I wish I could've given her back to
you", he responded sadly.

"I know.  I miss her so much.  Is that possible.....to miss someone you
don't even really remember?", she asked softly.

"I think it's very possible.  I miss her too, very, very much!", he
answered with a deep sigh.  He pulled his daughter closer, and kissed
the top of her head as they danced.  "She'd be so proud of you, ya
know?  And I'm proud of you too."

Just then, Chuck appeared before them with a polaroid camera.  "Say,
'stock-tip'", he quipped, and when they smiled, he snapped a picture of
father and daughter.  When the camera released the photo, Chuck handed
it to Gary and said, "Here ya go, cutie.  Don't say I never gave ya
anything!"

The song ended, and the lights were lowered as an extremely large
birthday cake was brought out, the sixteen candles burning brightly.
Someone tuned the jukebox to "Happy Birthday, Sweet Sixteen", by Neil
Sedaka and everyone applauded as Gary escorted Gilly to the center of
the room to blow out the candles and make her wish.

Gilly stood in front of the cake and glanced over at her dad standing
next to her.  Once again, he wore a sad expression, and once again she
worried about what would happen to him when she completely grew up.  The
candles continued to burn brightly as she contemplated her wish.  It
would be the same as it had been her entire life, only this year she
would alter it a little.  The partygoers were waiting in hushed silence
as she closed her eyes and whispered softly enough that no one could
hear, "I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could have my mom back,
not just for me, but for my dad."  A tear slid down her cheek and fell
upon a certain mysterious orange feline sitting at her feet.

At that same exact moment, Gary whispered a wish of his own.  "I wish
from the bottom of my heart that I could have Aimee back, not just for
me, but for Gilly."  A tear slid down his cheek and fell upon Cat as
well, who blinked up at father and daughter with a knowing look, just as
Gilly blew out the candles, extinguishing them all with one breath.

That night, Gary sat on his bed staring at the polaroid of he and Gilly
and contemplating the future, which was starting to look bleak as he
thought of her growing up and leaving home.  How he longed to turn back
the hands of time, and she would be a baby again, and Aimee would be
there......With a deep sigh, he slipped the picture into Aimee's last
journal, which sat on his nightstand.  He turned out the light, and fell
fast asleep with a heavy heart.
 

Chapter ten

It's been a long time
Since we've talked awhile
Since I've cracked a smile
Since I've heard your voice

It's been a long time
Since you've held me close
It's the thing that matters most
It's been a long time
Since I've held your hand
I don't understand
~~~~~~~~~FFH

Gary groaned when he heard the familiar meow and thump that signaled the
start of his day.  With Gilly's party, and all the clean-up after, he'd
gotten to sleep much later than usual.  He placed his pillow over his
head and tried to shut out the feline for a while longer, but just then
the alarm went off, and a slender arm reached across his chest and
silenced the radio announcer.

Suddenly Gary was very much awake.  He pulled the pillow away from his
face with wide eyes, as the arm came back to rest on his chest.  A soft
feminine scent that was achingly familiar drifted across the air stirred
by the movement of that slender arm.  Now he felt a knee graze across
his legs and soft curves press against his side as the woman next to him
snuggled closer.  He lifted his head and saw the fine strands of silky
hair that lay feathered across her shoulders, partially covering her
face, the face that had haunted him for sixteen years, the face that was
etched on his memory.  She looked just as she had all those years ago,
beautiful.  It was the word he'd always used to describe her, his term
of endearment for her.  Honey, sweetheart, darling---those words had
never seemed good enough for her.  She was beautiful, inside and out.

He held his breath and watched her sleep, afraid that if he moved, this
moment would be snatched away from him.  If it was a dream, then he
never wanted to wake up.  But no dream had ever felt *this* real to
him.  No dream had ever given him the pleasure of hearing her breathe,
of inhaling the fragrance that was uniquely her.  No dream had ever made
him feel so alive again.

She stirred a little, then stretched and looked up at him and smiled.
"Good morning!", she greeted and tried to sit up, but he wrapped his
arms tightly around her, afraid she would disappear at any moment.

"Aimee!"  It was the only word he could get out.

She laughed softly and placed a gentle kiss on his neck.  "Gary, let me
go.  I wanna check on the baby."

"I'm afraid to", he whispered, and sat up, bringing her with him.

"Whatd'ya mean, you're afraid to?  What's wrong?", she asked, looking
into his eyes and touching his face.

"I'm afraid you'll disappear", he answered and pulled her even closer.
"I've missed you so much.  I've missed hearing your voice.  I've missed
holding you, touching you, kissing you."

Aimee was confused by his behavior.  "I'm just going to check on Gilly.
I won't disappear, I promise."

He stood with her and followed her to the crib, not willing to risk the
possibility that she might vanish after all.  They gazed down at Gilly,
who was just waking up, her little face screwed up as if she were about
to cry.

"Look how tiny she is", Gary remarked in awe.  "I'd forgotten she was
ever that little."

Now Aimee was starting to get concerned.  Gary was acting very strange,
even for a guy who gets tomorrow's news today.  After she saw to Gilly's
needs, she was definitely going to demand an explanation.

Suddenly, as if it were the most urgent thing in the world, Gary went to
the door, let in the cat and retrieved the paper, checking the date and staring
at it intently. If the date on the paper, September 7th, was tomorrow, then
Aimee would die tonight, that is, unless he stopped it.

"Something's wrong, isn't it?", he asked.  "I mean, you feel like
something's wrong with you, don't you?"

"H-How did you know?", she asked in surprise.  She'd been feeling that
way for a few days, but hadn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.
The doctor had assured her that she was perfectly healthy, but she knew
differently.

"Get dressed.  I'm taking you to see Dr. Grant.", he ordered, and then
began to throw his own clothes on haphazardly.  He still wasn't sure
whether or not he was dreaming, but he wasn't taking any chances on
losing her again.  His suspicions were that somehow he had been brought
back to the past, given another chance.  This time around, he was forewarned.
This time around, he would make sure that it didn't happen.  This time he
would not, could not lose her again.  His silly Gilly would have a mother
and things would be different.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the ride home from her stay in the hospital, Aimee was subdued.
Dr. Grant had discovered the blood clot that would potentially stop her
heart if left unchecked.  She had known for a few days that something
wasn't right.  It was a sobering thought, knowing that you might die
soon and leave behind the people you love most.  Even more sobering, was
Gary's tale of her death, and living sixteen years without her, raising
Gilly by himself.  She had a lot of questions, but her mind was in such
turmoil that she hardly knew where to start.

Gary, still unsure of what was real, was almost afraid to go to sleep
lest he wake up and find it was all a dream after all.  He felt younger,
more energetic, but was that all part of the dream?  Aimee's obituary
had changed before his eyes, but what if that too was just part of the
dream.

"Gary?  Is it really true?  I mean, that I died and you raised Gilly by
yourself?"  Aimee was sitting on the couch with the baby on her lap, and
Gary was beside her caressing her cheek and playing with the ends of her
hair.  He couldn't seem to stop touching her.

"Yes, it's true.  I can't explain what happened.  All I know is that one
night I'm at Gilly's sixteenth birthday party, and the next morning, I'm
waking up with you in my arms again.  It was a dream come true."

Aimee looked down at the infant in her lap, trying to imagine Gilly at
the age of sixteen.  It all seemed so strange and overwhelming.  She
couldn't believe it was possible.  But then again, she never would've
thought a future telling newspaper could be possible either, but she had
seen it for herself.

"Gary, why didn't you ever re-marry in all those years?", she asked.

Gary turned to face her more fully, cupping her face with his hands as
he answered.  "Because there was never anyone else for me but you.  I
thought of you everyday.  I read your letter a thousand times.  I just
wanted you back.  And......I don't ever want to lose you again", he
whispered.

"My letter?  You know about my letter?"  She had only written that
letter the day before Gary had rushed her to see Dr. Grant.  How could
he possibly have seen it already, unless it were all true?  It was hard
to swallow.

That night, before going to sleep, she decided to put her thoughts down
in her journal, hoping that it would all make more sense if she wrote it
out.  She still wasn't sure she believed it all.  Gary would never make
up such a wild story, she knew that, but she just felt she needed
proof.  When she opened the notebook, a polaroid photograph slipped out
from between the pages and landed unnoticed under the bed.
 

Chapter eleven

Through the rain clouds, thundering nights
Mr. Franklin stood there holding his kite
He was crazy, always pressing his luck
But he got what he wanted when lightning struck

Who needs a rhyme or a reason
Some dreams were made to find
So I know that I must follow
Ask me just how much I love you
You are starlight, I'm Galileo
Even on the darkest night, oh,
I will find the shining light of our love
~~~~~~~~~~Amy Grant

Heavy rains pelted the window panes in the loft above McGinty's, as
Aimee stood and watched the drops racing each other to the bottom.  It
was the kind of day that made you want to curl up with the person you
love, and forget about the world and the weather.  That's exactly what
Aimee wanted to do, but she was worried that the paper would have other
plans.  It wasn't very often that she resented the paper's control over
her husband's life, but everyone deserved a day off, and this seemed
like the perfect day to stay in and relax.

"There's nothing there", Gary said, tossing the paper aside and coming
to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her.  "I read it from
cover to cover, and it looks like I have the day off."

"I'm so glad!  I  was just thinking how nice it would be to stay in all
day and do nothing, just you and me and Gilly.  It's so miserable out
there today.  It almost seems like the heavens are weeping."

"The heavens are weeping", Gary muttered to himself.  Her words took him
right back to the day when he stood beside her grave, and watched her
coffin being lowered into the ground.  A chill passed over him and his
arms tightened around her as he recalled the pain of that moment.  And
then it occurred to him, that today was that day.  If he hadn't
prevented her death this time around, he'd be standing in that cemetary
all over again.  Overcome with the memory, his eyes glazed over with
tears until a few raced down his cheeks as if they were mimicking the
raindrops on the window.

"Gary, what's wrong?", Aimee asked.  She was about to cry herself at the
sight of her husband in tears.

"I just remembered..........i-it's today........I-I mean.......today is
the day......was the day...........of your funeral."

"My funeral.  I hadn't even thought about a funeral.  Oh Gary, that
must've been so awful for you.  I'm so sorry."

He swallowed his tears and caressed her face with his fingers.  "I just
don't ever want to lose you again.  I need you so much.  And Gilly needs
you too.  I just couldn't give her everything she needed, because I
couldn't give her you, until now.  I failed her in a lot of ways, but
this time it'll be different."

"Gary, I find it hard to believe that you failed her at all.  You're a
good father. I'm very proud of you and.......and I know everything's
gonna be okay now."

He smiled down at her, his eyes crinkling up at the corners.  "You said
that to me in a dream, just before Gilly's thirteenth birthday."

It was hard for Aimee to fathom her not quite four month old baby as a
teenager.  "It's so strange to hear you talk about Gilly that way.  I
can't imagine it.  What was she like?  Tell me about her, about the
things she liked and disliked."

Gary pulled her over to his favorite chair and into his lap, where she
snuggled down against his chest and closed her eyes, lulled by the sound
of his heart beating in her ear and the sound of his voice as he told
her stories about Gilly.

"Gilly likes chocolate chip pancakes, the movie "Anastasia",
thunderstorms or any kind of extreme weather..."  He paused as a
thousand memories assaulted him all at once.  "She's so much like you,
beautiful and smart and sweet.  She tried to teach Mel how to tie her
shoes.  You should've seen the two of them.  They were so cute
together......"

For the next hour or so, Gary answered some of Aimee's questions and
told her a few more tales about Gilly, but he didn't tell her
everything.  He felt as if some things should be experienced first hand,
and some of the things he'd lived already would change anyway, now that
Aimee was going to live them too.  As he spoke about the future as if it
were the past, the memories took on a dream-like quality, and he began
to feel that he hadn't actually lived them as much as felt them in his
heart.

Later that day, Aimee was placing her journal on the nightstand, when
she noticed something lying just under the bed.  She stooped to pick it
up and studied it for a moment in confusion.  Her first reaction at
seeing a picture of Gary with another woman in his arms was hurt and
betrayal, but as she looked more closely, she realized that the woman
couldn't have been more than a teenager.  A teenager that had a familiar
smile and green eyes, and was wearing an emerald ring and necklace that
Aimee knew all too well.

"What's that?", Gary asked, peering over her shoulder.

Aimee turned and handed him the photo.  "I found this under the bed just
now."

Gary sat down hard on the bed, staring unblinkingly at the picture of he
and Gilly at her sixteenth birthday party.  "I-I put this in your
journal that night, just after Gilly's party.  I remember wishing you
were here for me and for Gilly."

Aimee took the picture from him again.  "That's her?  That's our
daughter in the future?  She's so grown-up, so beautiful."  She had
wanted proof of Gary's tale, and now she was holding that proof in her
hands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
None of the others in Gary's life seemed to sense that anything was
amiss.  Aimee was the only one that he had told about his mysterious
future life and return to the past.  Some of the events that he had
already experienced were different this time around, just as he had
predicted.  Aimee was the maid of honor in Abby and Alex's wedding, and
was also a vital part of Marissa and Emmett's wedding.  Chuck continued
working as a producer at "The Jerry Springer Show", where he was
constantly pestered by his co-worker, Laurie Ackerman, the woman that
Gary jokingly referred to as "his destiny".  And it turned out to be
true.  Chuck and Laurie took their trip down the matrimonial aisle a few
years later.

Gary continued to deal with the paper on a daily basis, but one thing
remained the same as before.  Alex and Abby were told about the paper,
and Alex offered his assistance whenever he could, giving Gary time to
spend with his family.  Not one moment of his time with Aimee and Gilly
was taken for granted anymore.

Gilly didn't have quite so many insecurities, and her first day of
school passed without incident.  Gary was able to prevent the fire alarm
from going off this time around, and Patrick was quick to win Gilly's
confidence and trust.  She smiled and waved goodbye to her mommy and
daddy, who were taking it much harder than she as they watched their
little girl join her classmates.  The years went by and soon it was her
sixteenth birthday again.............
 

Chapter twelve

Dreams are nothing more than wishes
And a wish is just a dream
You wish to come true
Your dream will come true
Your dream will come true
~~~~~~Harry Nilsson

With a dreamy smile, Gilly swayed to the strains of the soft music, in
the arms of the nicest and cutest boy in her school.  She'd had a crush
on Ryan for quite some time, but as they were both shy, nothing had ever
come of it until now.  She'd finally gotten up the courage to invite him
to her sweet sixteen birthday party, and he had eagerly accepted.  Now
neither could seem to wipe the smiles from their faces as they danced.

This is what it feels like to be grown-up, Gilly thought.  It was the
kind of moment that spawned beautiful dreams, a perfect moment, a moment
so full of magic and romance, that she held her breath and closed her
eyes, savoring it and storing it away in her memory to bring out again
and again.

All the people she loved were here tonight;  her parents, her brothers
and sisters, who were permitted to stay up a little later tonight to
enjoy the party, her grandparents, Crumb--her surrogate grandfather,
Uncle Alex and Aunt Abby, her cousins Melanie and eleven year old
Matthew, Aunt Marissa and Uncle Emmett and their children, fourteen year
old Emmett Jr. and ten year old twins, Shanesia and Eleanor, Uncle Chuck
and Aunt Laurie and their twelve year old son, Charles Jr, otherwise
known as Charlie, and even Patrick Quinn, her kindergarten teacher.
These people were her family, although many of them were only "heart
relatives", a term she'd learned from her mother.

Her friends and classmates filled the dance floor.  But tonight, here at
McGinty's, Gilly was queen of the ball.  As she danced, her eyes roamed
around the room, stopping to rest on Grandpa Bernie, who, from the look
of things was about to stir up trouble with her brothers.  He was such a
big kid himself, and the boys loved to 'goof off with Grandpa'.  Grandma
Lois was heading in their direction with a determined look, as if she
knew what they were up to and meant to put a stop to it.   Gilly laughed
softly to herself as she watched Lois lecturing Bernie, as he gave her
his best innocent look.

Next she watched her mom and dad who were dancing as if they were the
only two people in the room.  A lot of her friends thought it strange
that her parents were always touching and kissing each other, but Gilly
had grown accustomed to it, and it made her happy to know that they
loved one another so much.

Alexis, her younger sister scampered by, chasing after Charlie in a
desperate attempt to get him to dance with her.  Gilly knew a full-proof
way to get Charlie to dance with Alexis, and that was to bribe him.
During the next pause between songs, she decided she would put her plan
into action, and make Alexis happy.

"Look at Gilly.  She looks so happy, doesn't she?  And so grown-up."
Aimee sighed, amazed that her first-born was already sixteen.

"She looks beautiful, just like her mother", Gary answered.  "All our
children our beautiful", he said, with pride in his voice.

Aimee laughed in response.  "Somehow I don't think the boys would like
to be called beautiful."  She looked over at their other children who
were hovering around Bernie and Lois.  Jarod Scott was thirteen and a
carbon copy of his father, right down to his shy stutter and his desire
to help others.  Jake Evan was eleven and though he had his father's
eyes, he looked more like his mother with his lighter brown hair and
smile.  He was the mischief maker among them.  He and Charlie were best
friends, but the two of them together were a lethal combination,  and
were usually found at the center of every childhood disaster known to
man.  Alexis Renee was nine, had curly brown hair and muddy green eyes,
and was the most outgoing of the bunch.  She wanted to be everyone's
friend and usually succeeded.  She also harbored a not so secret crush
on Charlie, much to his chagrin.  And the baby of the family was little
Elissa Anne.  She had inherited her grandmother's blue eyes and blonde
hair, and looked the least like Gary or Aimee.  Though she was six years
old, she was born prematurely and was often mistaken for a three or four
year old because she was so tiny.  But what she lacked in stature, she
made up for in charm, and had everyone wrapped around her little finger.

When the song ended, Aimee excused herself to go check on the cake.
Gary leaned against the bar for a moment, watching Gilly negotiate with
Charlie, and wondered what she was planning.  Suddenly he felt a pair of
tiny arms wrap around his leg, and looked down to find Elissa looking up
at him with big sad blue eyes.  He reached down and scooped her up into
his arms.  "What's wrong, Sunshine?", he asked, kissing a tear off her
cheek.

"Jake won't dance with me.  He says I'm too little and I'm a girl and
girls have cooties.  Do I have cooties, Daddy?"

Gary bit back a smile before answering.  "No, you don't have cooties.
If you had cooties, would I do this?", he asked and raspberried her
cheek, eliciting a fit of giggles from her that drifted across the room
toward Lois, who was watching her son and his baby girl with a heart
swollen with pride, remembering all the years when she wondered if he'd
ever find happiness.

"Would you dance with me instead of Jake?", Gary asked, as the music
started up again.  Elissa smiled and nodded her head.  She giggled in
delight as her daddy twirled her around the dance floor and dipped her
every now and again.  Gary gave Alexis a wink as they passed she and
Charlie on the dance floor.  Charlie looked as if he were being
tortured, and was doing his best to touch Alexis as little as possible,
and Alexis was smiling as if she'd been handed the world on a platter.
Chuck was roaming around the room with a camera, and managed to get a
shot of his son dancing with Alexis.  Charlie shot his dad a dirty
look, knowing full well, that that picture would be used against him
sometime in the near future.

When the song ended, Elissa wrapped her little arms tightly around
Gary's neck and whispered, "I love you, Daddy" in his ear.   Gary smiled
and kissed her cheek, responding, "I love you too, Sunshine!"  Then she
kissed him again and scampered off to see if she could sneak some cake.

Aimee had witnessed this scene from the kitchen door, and now wiped a
tear from the corner of her eye.  Gary was such a good father, but
seeing him with his daughters always touched her so deeply.  She briefly
wondered how he would take the news she had to give him later.  With a
heavy sigh she turned her attention back to the cake, and the little
fingers that were so eager to get a taste.

Gilly excused herself from Ryan for a few minutes and went to the
jukebox where she chose the song that her mom and dad had always sang to
her throughout her childhood.  The smooth sultry voice filled the room
as Gilly stood before her father and extended her hand.  "May I have
this dance?", she asked.

Gary took her in his arms.  "Happy Birthday, silly Gilly!", he
whispered, and kissed the top of her head.  "I can't believe it's been
sixteen years since you were born.  You look so grown up, and so
beautiful, just like your mom."

Gilly looked up at him with a strange expression on her face.  "Dad, did
you ever get the feeling that you've lived this moment before?  It's
weird, but I have the strangest feeling that you and I danced to this
song and had this conversation before only we were sad for some reason.
Does that make sense?"

Gary was taken aback by her comments.  The memory of his other life
without Aimee and the other children had faded like a long forgotten
dream, but now it came flooding back to him in a flash.  He was spared
from answering her though, when Chuck interrupted with "Say stock tip!",
and snapped a picture of the two of them. He handed Gary the photo and
said, "Here ya go cutie! Don't say I never gave ya anything."

The song ended, and the lights were lowered as an extremely large
birthday cake was brought out, the sixteen candles burning brightly.
Someone tuned the jukebox to "Happy Birthday, Sweet Sixteen", by Neil
Sedaka, and everyone applauded as Gary escorted Gilly to the center of
the room to blow out the candles and make her wish.

Aimee came to stand beside Gary, who took her hand and kissed her on the
cheek.  Their eyes glistened with unshed tears as they watched their
grown-up little girl preparing to make a wish.

Gilly stood in front of the cake and glanced over at her parents next to
her, and smiled.  The candles continued burning brightly as she
contemplated her wish.  It was hard to think of something, because she
already had everything she ever wanted.  Her parents, her brothers and
sisters, a simple life shared with the people she loved, these were the
things that made her happy.  The partygoers were waiting in hushed
silence, as she finally closed her eyes and whispered softly enough that
no one could hear, "I wish that I could always be as happy as I am at
this moment".  Then she took a deep breath and blew out the candles,
extinguishing them all with one breath, as everyone applauded.

That night, as Gary and Aimee prepared for bed, Gary wrapped one arm
around her from behind, and with the other, he held a slender velvet box
in front of her.  "Happy Birthday, Beautiful!", he whispered.

Aimee took the box from his hand and turned to face him, with a pleased
expression on her face.  "What's this?", she asked.

"Open it and find out", he answered, as they sat down together on the
bed.

She slowly lifted the lid, revealing a delicate emerald bracelet that
lay shimmering against the black satin interior of the case.  With wide
eyes, she looked up at Gary and spoke, her voice thick with unshed
tears.  "It's beautiful.  Thank you!"

"I wanted you to have something special to show you how much I love
you.  You've been so busy getting things ready for Gilly's birthday
party, that you didn't even get to celebrate your own birthday."

"Maybe I just didn't want to acknowledge that I was getting older", she
responded, half jokingly.  Then after a brief pause, she said, "I have a
surprise for you too", and burst into tears, sobbing and burying her
face in his chest as he gathered her close.

Gary was sufficiently frightened now as he tried to comfort her.  He had
expected to give her the bracelet, and then spend a romantic night with
her in front of the blazing fire.  But now, his imagination was
conjuring up all sorts of terrible things.  Was she dying?  Was
something wrong with one of the kids?  He had to know what it was, so
that maybe he could fix it.  He gripped her arms and made her look at
him as he spoke.  "Aimee, what's wrong?  What is it?  Please tell me."

"I--I'm..........I'm pregnant!", she blurted out, and promptly began
sobbing again.

"You're pregnant?  Are you sure?"  He felt her head nodding against his
chest, and he smiled a wide happy smile, though he was very confused at
why she was crying.  "Isn't that good news?", he asked, and then began
to wonder if there was some complication involved that would make this
an unhappy event.  "Have you been to the doctor?  Is everything okay?"

Aimee pulled herself together for a moment and looked up at him long
enough to answer his questions.  "I saw the doctor yesterday, and
everything's fine.  The baby's due in December."  She sniffled and
grabbed a tissue from the box that Gary handed to her, blowing her nose
quite loudly.

"Then, if everything's okay, why are you crying?"

"Because, I'm forty-one years old, Gary.  I thought that we were done
with diapers and bottles and 3am feedings.  Now we're starting all over
again, and..........and I'm forty-one", she repeated, as if it were a
crime to be having a baby at forty-one.  "I'm not as young as when the
other kids were born.  What if I can't handle it?  What if I get fat and
can't lose the weight again?  What if......"

Gary cut her off by drawing her into his arms again and speaking softly,
soothingly into her ear.  "You're not too old", he whispered.  "Lots of
women have babies into their forties these days.  Besides, you don't
look a day over thirty.  People are always amazed when they find out
you're the mother of a sixteen year old.  And just think about the five
helpers we have this time around."  He pulled back a little and dried
her tears with a tissue.

"I know.  And I'm happy about the baby, I really am.  It's just gonna
take some getting used to.  I never thought I'd be pregnant again at
this age."  She blew her nose again and continued, "I just can't
understand how this happened."

"Well, I thought you had that part figured out by now, but if you need a
reminder, I'm always here for you", Gary answered, wiggling his eyebrows
suggestively as he spoke.

Aimee smacked his arm playfully, and said, "You know that's not what I
meant."

"I know, but I got you to smile again, didn't I?"

She smiled and touched his face, whispering, "You always make me
smile."  Then she wrapped her arms around his neck, and whispered, "I
love you."

Gary's wish for a romantic evening in front of the fire was granted,
after all.  And that December, Kyle Ezekiel Hobson, otherwise known as
Zeke, was born.  Another wish come true.

The End

Email the author:  shana93@optonline.net
 
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