Beauty on Parade
(Alternate Titles: Miss G.I. Dream Girl)
Writer: Ron Friedman
Director: Richard Kinon
Airdate: October 23, 1976
Set in: May, 1942

Synopsis: When a military truck transporting parts of a scanning device is sabotaged at Fort Russell, General Blankenship assigns Steve to investigate the rash of sabotage that includes incidents at Fort Hughes and McKenzie Field. Major Trevor and Yeoman prince pay a visit to Fort Russell, where they are assured by Col. Flint that base security is tight. However, a jeep full of beauty pageant contestants, accompanied by celebrity radio comic Jack Wood, belies this claim. Flint assures them that all of the non-military personal on the base have been screened, but Steve and Diana pick up on the fact that the previous two stops on the pageant's itinerary have been Fort Hughes and McKenzie Field.

Diana suggests getting an agent undercover in the Miss G.I. Dream Girl 1942 pageant, and Steve says he doesn't know who they could put into that position—she'd have the be an extraordinarily beautiful girl. Diana volunteers, and Steve gently informs her that he doesn't think it would work out. Diana tells him she'll catch a bus back to town, and is staying on the base to do some shopping. However, wearing a wig and a sexy white and red dress, Diana crashes the pageant rehearsal, and "Diana Paradise" asks to audition. Former Beauty Queen Lola Flynn has no objections, but the music director, Monty Burns, finds it suspicious. However, the arrival of Jack Wood saves the day. The comic is struck by Diana's beauty, and when she shows she can dance as well as any of the other girls, she is given a spot as a contestant, much to the fury of fellow contestant Rita, who threatens Diana. Lola takes Diana under her wing, guiding her through the treacherous waters of pageant politics.

When Diana leaves the officer's club, she sees Steve leave the base and follows him. When Steve is attacked by two armed thugs, Wonder Woman steps in to save the day. Using her golden lasso on the thugs, she and Steve discover that they were hired anonymously to attack him, and know nothing about the scanner or the sabotage. Meanwhile, at Fort Russell, Monty Burns tells Lola that there is no Diana Paradise working anywhere on the base. Lola says Diana's not the first girl to enter a beauty contest under a false name, and tries to defend her. However, Monty threatens harm to Diana if the girl gets in the way of his plans. However, Lola seems torn. She doesn't want anything to happen to her new protege.

When Steve returns to the War Department after taking in the two hired criminals, he finds Etta helping Diana (who is still wearing the wig and dress, but now is also wearing her glasses) working on her poise with the old finishing school trick of walking in heels with a book on her head. Steve is amazed at his dowdy secretary's transformation—and concerned that she is putting herself in jeopardy. They will keep in contact via phone while Diana is on the base undercover—he will call her as her "Uncle George."

That night in the quarters on the base for the girls, Rita is pulling a diva act, hogging the lone shower, and a cat-fight ensues between the girls. Lola tries to warn Diana about hidden dangers, but the moment is broken up by a visit from Jack Wood, who clearly has an eye for the ladies. When Wood discovers Diana has no act for the talent portion of the contest, he offers her the plum gig of acting as assistant during his magic act—which infuriates Rita, who had assumed she would be getting that role. Rita is even more determined to show up Diana, whom she now sees as her rival. However, their discussion is interrupted by a call from "Uncle George." Steve warns Diana that another sabotage attempt may be made that night. The third and final component of the radar scanner will be assembled at Russell at one in the morning. Later that night, Diana sneaks out and Wonder Woman arrives at the power station just in time to find Steve—who has been sapped and left to die—and a bomb. Shielding Trevor from the blast, they compare notes and then Wonder Woman rushes back to the base.

Meanwhile, Diana's absence has been discovered, and a smug Rita brandishes Diana's wig, which she found in her empty bed. However, Diana has snuck in through the shower, where she emerges in a bathrobe, saying she couldn't sleep. The other girls insist the only thing fake about Diana is her hair, but Rita is still angry. However, leaving the girls, Lola is grabbed by the masked saboteur from the power plant—Monty, who tells her that Wonder Woman is onto them. Lola panics when she learns the radio scanner isn't their target: Monty plans to assassinate General Dwight D. Eisenhower. And he'll kill Diana, or anyone else who gets in his way.

The next morning at the War Department, Steve tells Etta and General Blankenship that he suspects that the sabotage is a smoke-screen, and the General tells Steve that reveals that Eisenhower is visiting the base to inspect the scanner. Steve realises that the sabotage wasn't to destroy the scanner—but to force the General to take a specific route to Fort Russell. He's convinced that the four star General is headed into an ambush, and Steve and General Blankenship leave to try and intercept Eisenhower.

Etta tries to reach Diana on the base, to fill her in, but Monty hangs up on Private Candy and tersely informs Diana that she's now allowed any personal calls. Convinced Diana is a plant, Monty schemes to kill her—noting a heavy lighting rig that hangs over the stage. Meanwhile, Steve and the General arrive at the landing strip to lean they've just missed Eisenhower, and they take off in hot pursuit.

At the base, Etta is kept from Diana by an MP, and frets. Diana makes it safely through the swimsuit round, but can't change for her talent portion, as he magic show costume has disappeared. Rita appears, in Diana's costume, and takes the stage at Jack Wood's assistant. Monty, not realising he's about to kill the wrong girl, cuts through the rope that holds the lighting rig. Spotting him, Diana changes into Wonder Woman and catches the rig before it can hit Rita and Monty Burns escapes. Etta catches up to Wonder Woman, and tells her about Eisenhower.

At Point Lobo, Steve and the General catch up with Eisenhower just as the group are set upon by gunmen. Wonder Woman arrives just in time to capture Burns and foil the assassination attempt. Back at the pageant, Steve and Etta watch as Wonder Woman is crowned Miss GI Dream Girl 1942. Etta wonders what happened to Diana, and Steve guesses that the Yeoman was too shy to share the stage with Wonder Woman. The next day at the office, Steve fills Diana in on the outcome and arrests, and Diana expresses hope that Lola Flynn will be spared. Steve assures her that Lola is fully co-operating, and will most likely get a reduced sentance, to Diana's relief.

Curiouser, and Curiouser...
An accomplished singer, Lynda Carter was asked to dance rather than sing for Diana Paradise's auction for the Miss G.I. Dream Girl contest. Also, the elegant image overlay spins where Diana transformed into Wonder Woman were replaced by the now familiar flash and "kerblam!" effect, presumably to rid the series of the convention of Diana always needing a handy closet or locker to stash her uniform. However, it does raise the question of where the heck her clothes go when she spins...

Applause-worthy: Steve is shocked at how attractive Diana is out of uniform, saying "It's funny, but seeing you in that dress makes me realize you look like somebody," which causes Diana to sweat for a second, until he snaps his fingers: "Joan Crawford." Pointing to her shoes, "Around the ankles," to which she replies with uncharacteristic dryness (for Yeoman Prince) "Thanks." In a very sweet gesture, Wonder Woman gives each contestant a long-stemmed rose from her bouquet when she is crowned Miss GI Dream Girl for 1942.

Cringe-worthy: Normally very good about authentic period details, the sundress Yeoman Prince wears (like almost all the off-duty wardrobe given the character over the course of the series) as Diana Paradise wears is not period for 1942. Luckily for Diana, Steve never catches a glimpse of her without her glasses when "Diana Paradise" ends up never appearing in the beauty contest. Makes one wonder what she would have done had Diana Paradise gone on... Particularly in the swimsuit competition!

Episode entry by Yeoman Prince