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Jake 2.0 Ep 1.7 - We Are Family, Talking 'Bout My Brother and Me
Tuesday, November 04 @ 18:34:50 EST
By Deeablo
"Jerry 2.0"
Previously on Jake 2.0: The previouslies contained clips and dialogue from previous episodes. However, The Powers That Be (TPTB) have decided to switch things up again, just to mess with me, I'm sure. A male voice (Kyle's, I'm fairly certain) intones the following under various shots of Jake manipulating those tiny, tiny robots: "Jake Foley was an ordinary guy until a freak accident made him the first computer-enhanced man. [Stop those naughty thoughts, y'all.] Millions of microscopic computers interface with his biochemistry, and make him stronger and faster, able to see and hear farther than normal men. They give him the power to control technology with his brain. Jake Foley: America's secret weapon. He takes on missions no ordinary agent could perform. He is... the ultimate human upgrade."
Could they take The Six Million Dollar Man ass-kissing any further? They actually use—without irony --the slow-motion shot from "The Good, the Bad, and the Geeky" when Jake was impersonating DuMont. Jake doesn't wear long leather coats, sunglasses at night, or carry shiny silver briefcases every day. Plus, there's no mention of his past ineptitudes or fumblings, and I thought that was the point of this show and its title character. Also? Computer-enhanced man = robot. I'm just sayin'. The previouslies end with a fast-cut montage that have been a part of the show since the beginning, so at least that is familiar to my weary brain. I'm fragile. I fear change.
Subway tunnel. Sopranos-like music tries and fails to convince us that we're in an East Coast city. Sure, the maps say Washington, D.C., but the trains are Vancouver, British Columbia, all the way, baby. M is for Metro, and that's good enough for me! The film has a stark whitewash to it, and we see Jake in a long-sleeved dark red tee-shirt and jeans. He's wearing headphones, and he stands in place as people rush around him. And I do mean rush; the film is sped up. A shot of escalators, subway card machines, and back through a now nonmoving crowd until the camera finds Jake. Start moving... now. He notices a man with a SPARE CHANGE sign, and Kyle—dressed in jeans, a navy shirt, and a leather jacket—walks by him. Even though Kyle's mouth never moves, we hear him say, "Stay sharp, Jake. It could be anyone." A mime does a routine next to Jake (and the homeless man; doesn't he know better than setting up next to a mute clown? He won't make a cent) and Jake hears through his headphones that various sectors are clear. Jake checks out a bespectacled and behatted man playing an acoustic guitar. Does Mr. Foley have a thing for buskers? And why are they all performing within an area of eight square feet? Jake sees a man carrying a smallish suitcase "that fits the profile." I'm assuming the profile fits the man, not the case. Jake follows him and watches him open the bag. He pulls out a magazine named Healthstyles, and Jake reports it's a false alarm. Exhaling, Jake turns and sees a young man remove a bag from a row of lockers. The music begins to chime frantically, so you know there's gotta be something wrong. The young man places something in a trash can and briskly walks away. Inside the neatest rubbish bin ever, Jake sees two small silver canisters with a blue gel pack on the outside. At least that's what it looks like to me. Jake says, "Kyle. Trash can, north exit. I'm on the suspect. Guy is white, baseball cap, khakis, he's heading for the escalators." At this point, Baseball Cap sees Jake and begins running. Jake stands still as we zoom in through his pupil to his brain to see the tiny, tiny robots zapping Jake. Zoom out. He speeds up the escalator but instead of the buzzing, pulsing, crackling noise that usually accompanies such wonderfeats, there's a sort of light tinkling sound (sort of like a computer coffee drip, if not computer urination) as well as some frantic violins. Jake tackles Baseball Cap at the top on the now nonmoving escalator. "He's down! Do not move!" Jake screams as he turns the guy over. It's a young blonde teenager, who looks as if he is shutting himself. It's a far better takedown than Jake's flubbed "capture" in "Training Day." Jake looks for his backup.
I have a few questions. Did the NSA stop the escalators? Is this the end of zihzihzihzihzuh? Is it to be replaced with this tinkling plinking crap sounds like a computer pissing?
Fast-cut montage to NSA Headquarters. Dear Costume Department, please continue to dress Kyle in jeans as often as possible. Love, Deeablo. Kyle tells Beckett (Jake is trailing behind them) that the canisters were full of ricin gas. The coagulant fuse would have liquefied and released in five minutes and killed hundreds. The three agents walk into the small war room that is Hello, Joshua Junior. Jake argues that Baseball Cap doesn't fit the profile. "He's just a kid. Why would he doe that?" "Because it's all he knows," announces a handsome gray-haired man. Hey! It's Joe from Highlander! Dare we hope a (shirtless) Adrian Paul will appear in this episode? They must have hired Joe for exposition, because he wades right in. Intel and the events in the subway station confirm that the attempted attack is the work of Ethan Fulton's militia. Blah blah dangerous blah blah driven blah blah. Fulton's wife was FBI, and she was gunned down in 1994 during a botched raid at Henry Travis's compound near Bozeman. That's in Montana, for you nonWesterners. Joe adds, "Fulton blames the government for her death, not without some merit." I love that about this show: when they've screwed up, they admit it. Jake asks Kyle who is this smart man. He's Chief Director Skerrit, Beckett's boss. [I keep reading it as "Director Sekrit." I think it's more fun that way.—Illyria] "Lou has a boss?" Jake boggles. Kyle hushes him and Skerrit continues. The NSA has been tracking the militia for years. Fulton and his followers have been behind six domestic terrorist attacks, including a recent "near miss" on the Supreme Court. Most of those in the militia haven't been identified, so today's capture of Baseball Cap is a huge step in the NSA's investigation. Skerrit mentions Jake by name, and Jake beams mightily. Baseball Cap hasn't talked yet, but Beckett tells Skerrit that he's being interrogated right now. Skerrit compliments everyone and leaves, with Jake attempting and failing to engage him in banal pleasantries. Heh. Beckett warns everyone that Fulton knows that the "noose is tightening, so watch your backs." [Or your necks.—Illyria]
Another signature Jake transition, the double wipe—a close up on a character, a wipe that removes the character from the scene and just shows the background, and another wipe to a different scene—takes us to the hallway outside Jake's apartment. Jake starts to insert (hee! "insert") his key into the lock but the door opens slowly. Jake walks into his dark apartment and hears some noises. He eases along the wall until he gets to the kitchen. There's someone there, rattling dishes and/or silverware. Jake grabs the person's shoulders and pushes him face down to the floor. Has Kyle been teaching him this? Special training, if you will. Ahem. Jake turns over the intruder and raises his fist. The guy on the floor holds up his hands, one of which is clutching a sandwich, and squeaks, "Yo! Chill! Is that any way to treat your kid brother?" "Jerry?" Jake winces. "I could've killed you." Jerry yeahrightdudes him, and Jake helps him off the floor. Jerry is there to see his brother and the nation's capital. He hears that "downtown is strip clubilicous" and he takes a bite out of the sandwich. Was he eating it with a spoon? Also, when is Jerry leaving? He bugs me already.
Credits. I discover that you can see Czuchry in the opening shots if watch in slow motion. Only in profile, but hey. I hope he's getting residuals.
Georgetowne Station. Speaking of Czuchry, I think this is the same bar that he and Jake went to at the beginning of the pilot. You know, where Czuchry picked up that old, old woman by saying "Only if you are really bad" and Jake and Sarah renewed their friendship. The actual Georgetowne Station has a private room and a walk-in humidor. They also play salsa music. So much better than St. Elmo's Bar, and without the danger of Rob Lowe "playing" the saxophone. Jake and Jerry recount some sort of adventure including a booze cruise, Federales, and a butterfly knife. When did this turn into The O.C., bitch? Before sitting at a table, Jerry actually says, "Can we get some servicio, por fa-please?" Jake covers his face with his hands. Too bad I can't do the same. Sigh. Jake asks Jerry why he isn't in school. Jerry replies that he needed the break; going to class only two days a week is hell. He didn't tell Mom and Dad, saying they are on a "need-to-know basis." Jerry asks about the bruises on Jake's hand. Jake tells him it's a work-related accident, and Jerry snorts, "Oh, what? Motherboard cut?" I hate this kid. The waitress approaches, and there is some painful "banter" that I will spare y'all about Jerry trying to convince her to serve him without an I.D. The only interesting data we hear is that Jake is 26, which negates the previous claim that he is only 24 (this information was in the files Jake hallucinated when the nanites were poisoning him in "Last Man Standing"). Continuity must be getting a bikini wax. Then again, Jerry is the one who says Jake's age, and I'd rather trust Jake's subconscious illusions than Jerry. Jake orders two Red Bulls, and shoots down the strip club idea. Jake tells Jerry he will try to get tomorrow night off so they can spend time together. Jerry assures Jake, "Don't worry about me. You won't even know I'm here. I promise." I sigh again, because I've watched television before and know what comes next.
Double wipe to Jake trying to sleep with Jerry making all sorts of noise in the kitchen. Jake puts a pillow over his head, and there's a brief shot establishing that we can see the kitchen from where Jake's bed is. At first I thought he was sleeping on the couch, but we later see it's a mattress so... is he sleeping in his living room? Doesn't he have a bedroom? Actually, we've never seen Jake in bed at home until now. He's slept on the couch. I'm confused about the apartment layout, and I would much rather think about this than the "hilarity" of Jerry's mistakes. Anyway, Jerry sets the kitchen on fire, and Jake stumbles out of bed to find a fire extinguisher. Okay, I think that it's a studio and Jake has bed in a corner we've never seen before. Because I am dedicated to you, dear readers, I went back and watched the opening scenes of "Last Man Standing" for comparison. It had nothing to do with looking at Christopher Gorham's neck or putting off writing about this fool Jerry. I'm all about accuracy, yo. And Continuity is still at the spa, because the furniture has been moved. The computer table and sofa are nowhere in sight and all right, back to the episode.
Fast cut montage. NSA seal. Drink! [That one's for Illyria.] [Love ya, babe.—Illyria] Jake is pedaling a stationary bike at a high speed, but not so high that he's using tiny, tiny robots. Diane, who is wearing a striped shirt with a wide collar and big cuffs, monitors his vitals (on a computer screen—jeez, y'all have dirty minds!) and checks a stopwatch before telling him he's "done." Jake slows down and breathes heavily. She asks if he's had any lightheadedness or nausea since she had to reboot the nanites. Jake, all sweaty and stuff, cuts to the chase with, "Since you saved my life?" Diane smiles, looks down, and yeahs him. He says he's fine. Diane asks him something else, but I'm too busy looking at Christopher Gorham's arms to write it down. Let's watch that scene again. "Any recent glitches, complications, any abnormalities?" Diane asks him. Jake tells her that Jerry's in town, and "he's a bit of all three." HA! Jake says something but he's also drinking some water, which makes him raise his arm AND swallow. Now he's wiping his sweaty face with a towel. Now he slings the towel around the back of his neck that I'm not watching. What? Oh. Plot. Right. When Jake was Jerry's age, he was working two part-time jobs and taking 18 credits at Georgetown. Man, how did he fit in all his Sarah stalking time? Talk about multitasking. Diane teases, "Did you have to walk six miles in the snow every day to get there too?" Jake moans about Jerry's lack of focus as I focus on Jake's biceps. Diane tells him no one is focused at the age of 19, except maybe Jake and Bill Gates. A knock at the door. It's Kyle, and Jake is off. "Duty calls," he says as he leaves. Hee! "Duty." Diane says, "Stop by any time" to the empty room, and that's it this week for Keegan Connor Tracy. Boo!
Hello, Joshua Junior. Beckett informs everyone that Baseball Cap has been identified as Caleb Fulton, Ethan Fulton's only son. For Ethan so hated the world... The big board shows Caleb's mug shots and other info, including that he, too, is 19. I'd say Caleb is focused, yeah? Caleb grew up inside the militia and next to capturing Fulton, Caleb is the NSA's best hope of shutting them down. Kyle has "our best interrogators working on him." That can't be good. Beckett tells everyone to "get back to work" (they stopped?) and follow every lead and scrap of intel. Jake asks if he could talk to Caleb. "It's just, we might have a connection 'cause I was the one that captured him, and, we're closer in age than you guys." Kyle turns to look at Jake as Jake continues stuffing both feet in his mouth. "Not that you're old or anything. You look great." BWA! Christopher Gorham's delivery is once again priceless, and Philip Anthony-Rodriguez has got that exasperated look down pat and tells him to quit while he's ahead. Nice dimple, Kyle. Beckett trounces Kyle's testicles and tells Jake, "See what you can do." Jake grins and waggles his eyebrows (not unlike Ephram Brown) at Kyle. Hee!
Fast-cut montage to a warehouse. The interior houses an automobile repair shop and Ethan Fulton, whom we recognize from the big board, is checking the engine of a car. Pistons are shot blah blah rusted gas filter blah blah cracked engine block. The customer calls him "Jimmy," thanks him, and leaves. Fulton walks through a side door, and we're backstage at Angry Men Against The Government Central. Or, as I call it, Idaho. [Wait, people outside the state know about that nickname? We need to work on our security.—Illyria] Weapon boxes are stacked high. An extra with a shaved head (hey, is that the same actor who played the nameless henchman in "Arms and the Girl"?) moves a bazooka as Fulton approaches a terrified young man guarded by flunkies. Fulton asks Scared Shitless, who resembles Caleb a little bit, how his son managed to walk into an NSA sting. "He didn't encrypt the final transmission to our people in Virginia," a flunky menaces. So does this mean they're in Delaware? Hey, this flunky could be studly if he chose the correct facial hair. That close trimmed shit is tired, yo. Commit. Should he shave or let it grow now? If he shaves there could be trouble, but if he shaves there will be stubble. Scared Shitless stammers as Studly Flunky pulls Fulton aside. Studly Flunky tells him that some of the men are worried that the government "might possibly force [Caleb] into talking." Now, really, is that the wisest thing to say to your psycho militia leader in a room full of weapons? "We think your only son is a coward, and by the way, this also calls into consideration your weak-ass parenting skills." Instead of bitch slapping Studly Flunky for his insolence, Fulton assures him that Caleb won't talk. Fulton pulls a gun from under his jacket and shoots Scared Shitless between the eyes at point blank range. "And neither will he." Oh the zzzzzzzzz.
NSA HQ. Prisoner block, or whatever it's called there. Caleb's digs are a huge improvement over DuMont's; Caleb's cell has clear doors on all four sides, it's much larger, and Caleb is allowed to wear his street clothes. I guess only international hackers are dangerous enough to warrant paper uniforms and paper shoes. Jake greets Caleb and flatters him by comparing him with Emmett Smith. Which is appropriate, you know, since Caleb was a all-league running back in high school. Jake says 24 touchdowns in one season is "impressive," and he "can barely score five when I'm playing Madden on my PlayStation." Five what? Points? Touchdowns? This makes no sense, but it works on Caleb, who seriouses, "You should try the rookie setting. It's easier." Jake says he read Caleb's file, but the manila folder he's holding isn't it. Instead, it's photographs of people who were gassed with ricin. We never see the pictures of the three-year-old boy, the five-year-old girl, and their mother, but Jake describes them the effects of ricin as he shows them to Caleb. "The gas fills your lungs. It feels like fire, but really it's more like drowning because your lungs literally burst. That's why there's so much blood." Caleb turns and walks away, but then looks back as Jake tells him he almost did that to a lot of innocent people, but he didn't. Jake says Caleb can change his life and help others if he rats out his dad. "I would rather die than betray my father," Caleb goodlittlesoldiers, and walks to the opposite end of the cell.
Jake's apartment. Jerry is listening to loud music, dancing badly, and talking on the phone. After an air-guitar jump he says, "You should totally come over." In the hallway, Jake hears the crap rock and grits his teeth. He enters the apartment yelling, "Jerry!" He puts his keys in a bowl on a table near the door (I have to do that too, or I'd never find the damn things) and walks to the stereo as Jerry demands that the person on the phone "get [her] buns over here." He hangs up and says, "She so wants me" as Jake turns off the "music." Jake is amazed that Jerry has met a girl already. Jerry tells him he was talking to Sarah, and is she is hot as she sounds? Wait until you get a load of her chompers, Junior. "My Sarah?" Jake stutters, and Jerry says she's coming over tonight. He's hooking his brother up. Great, now he's pimpin'. Jake walks over to his desk and dear lord, have they replaced the desk lamp Diane gave him as a housewarming present? They have! It's black and has a bigger neck and I can hear taraljc crying now. Wait, maybe that's the original on a shelf in the background. Jake says he and Sarah are just friends. Jerry gets it, and asks if she's a "bowser" (do they still say that? man!) or "fat." Jake points a finger at Jerry as he fumes, "She is beautiful, and she's intelligent, okay?" Heh. Jerry backs off and asks Jake to keep it down; he wants to "squeeze in a nap in before SmackDown." Okay, that was kinda funny. Jake slams his desk drawer shut. He so wants Jerry gone, as does most of the viewing audience, I'd wager.
Proud To Be An American Warehouse. Fulton wants the name of the man who captured his son. Then he wants that man brought to him so he can kill the man himself. Hey, is that chocolate over there?
Jake's apartment. Jerry emerges from the kitchen balancing three plates loaded with pasta. However, one plate slides a bit and a cup or so of pasta falls on the hardwood floor. Jake whispers to Sarah, who is sitting on the couch, and tells her not to eat the food. "I'll mop that up later," Jerry says and we get a nice shot of dinner. It looks as if Jerry has combined a few boxes of Kraft Dinner (remember, they're in Vancouver) and egg noodles. He hands Sarah a plate, then Jake, then sits on a chair across from Sarah. I kind of like the fact that Jake doesn't have a kitchen table, or if he does he uses it for something other than meals. Jerry claims his concoction is "pasta, Vietnamese hot sauce, and selected seasonings." He says, "Dig in, Wedgie," to Jake. Sarah asks Jake was he calls Jerry, and Jake tells Sarah that he "is far too mature to embarrass Jerry like that. Right, Humper?" Jerry puts his head down and as he shovels in some pasta, I notice he's wearing a Manwhore Wristcuff. I hate the game AND the playah. Sarah says she doesn't want to know, and takes a drink of wine. Not beer?
It's been a while since they've showed that recycled footage of a satellite orbiting Earth and then zooming into Africa near the Mediterranean Sea. I mean, we haven't seen it since it closed out the last episode. Hey, there it is! And it takes us right to Hello, Joshua Junior. Another AgentWhoTheHell, this one a man, tells Kyle they're "picking up some encrypted chatter from Fulton's militia." AgentWhoTheHell2 says, "We believe there's something going down tonight." Ten bucks it's not Sarah. Kyle asks how long it will take to decode the message, and AgentWhoTheHell2 replies, "It's an algorithmic encryption." What the? "So it's gonna take a while." Oh. Thanks. Since the NSA is the U.S.'s "cryptologic organization," I think Plausibility has finally arrived.
Jake's apartment. Jerry is telling another tale about Jake, and this one includes Jake dressing up as Gene Simmons for a party where no one else wore a costume. The word "codpiece" is mentioned. That's just screaming for a fanfic treatment, yeah? Jake tries to stop Jerry, but Jerry has a final thought. He tells a story about Christmas and a lost bicycle and how Jake took the blame. Jake is staring at Jerry in wonder. Sarah and her teeth have the expected, "That is so. Sweet!" reaction. Sarah gets up and smoothes her short miniskirt before going to the loo. She's wearing knee-high boots with spiky heels. Look out, Jake! That's not "I like you just as a friend" footwear. Also, we see that no one has cleaned up Jerry's pasta spill from earlier. Ick! The Fab Five must be having a serious collective hissy right now. Jerry says it was a cool story, and Jake exclaims none of it ever happened. Jerry claims he's just trying to help Jake "seal the deal" and is taking off. "I'm clearing the runway, man. You can't land the plane when your little brother's sleeping on the airstrip." "I'm not trying to land the plane," Jake sputters indignantly, Oh, honey. Didn't you see Sarah's boots? Jerry asks for some cash, and an obviously distracted Jake tells him to "take whatever you need from my wallet." Jerry pockets the entire thing and leaves. Nice. Jake picks up the pasta-laden plates as Sarah returns from the bathroom, which is apparently next to the kitchen near the windows? Help! Jake asks Sarah if she wants pizza. She does.
Lightning zap cut (more new scene transitions? Hold me!) to Hello Joshua, Junior. Beckett watches live surveillance of Caleb in his cell. He is sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees, and he rocking a little and occasionally wiping away tears. The screen splits into four different views, very 24, as Beckett enters the cell block with a blanket. First all four views are of Caleb. Then one screen shifts to Beckett, followed by a second and a third. Then we're back to one view outside Caleb's cell. Beckett thought he might be cold. The doors open and she tosses the blanket in a corner. With barely a preliminary, she asks him, "How many people have to die before you realize your mother's never coming back?" OUCH, Lou! Caleb, a glycerin tear on his left cheek, looks at her left hand, sees no jewelry, and guesses that she's not married. He asks if she has kids, and Beckett says that's none of his business. Foreshadowing body blocks me from the left. Damn. Caleb says it doesn't matter what she says, he can tell. He can also tell Continuity to kiss my ass for using a shot without that glycerin tear. And in the next close up it's back. Triple sigh. Caleb brats that he feels sorry for Beckett, and she says the feeling is mutual. She leaves.
Georgetowne Station(e). Dude, is Jerry so dumb that he goes back to the bar his brother frequents to use his I.D.? Yes. Yes he is. He goes to the bar and orders, "Scotch, neat, two napkins." What? A woman next to Jerry immediately eyes him with interest. I would too—what the hell is he going to do with the napkins? The bartender asks for identification. Jerry gives the barkeep Jake's wallet, and we see that Jake's NSA badge is prominently displayed. So does the dumb brunette next to Jerry. Continuity must have been at the bar doing shooters all night because Jake's driver's license has the correct street and apartment number but not the street address. The bartender asks Jerry what kind of Scotch and he replies, "The brown kind." Oh yeah. This impresses Not Quite Neve Campbell, who asks if he's a secret agent. Jerry says, "I could tell you but then I'd have to--" She interrupts, "Kill me?" with a touch of disdain. Look honey, if you're into secret agents, you know they're gonna unfurl that cornball line at some point. Plus, Czuchry did it better. Nyah. Jerry replies, "I was going to say 'sleep with you,' but if that's your thing." Not Quite Neve giggles. I poke my eyes and ears out with metal chopsticks.
The less said about the following scene the better. The camera moves from the back of the bar past a few pool tables to Jerry surrounded by a crowd of mostly women. On the plus side, the camerawork this episode has been unique and stellar. Nice work, Director Leslie Libman. Although I wished you would have reined in the actor playing Jerry. I know he's supposed to be a fuckup, but man! Okay, so Jerry lying out of his ass about a "secret" "mission" he was on and everyone is eating it up. This did nothing but give me a round of embarrassment chills*. Honestly, the details aren't important. A guy does ask where all of "this" happened, and Jerry says it's classified. "Yeah, stupid. It's classified," Not Quite Neve sneers. "Drinks are on Agent Foley," the bartender announces as he presents Jerry and his admirers with two trays full of shots, including tequila. Sniff, sniff. Czuchry. Then again, I would listen to Jerry for free Cuervo.
Fulton and Studly Flunky are tracking Jake Foley. Fulton wants him found, but his DMV records showed up "clear." So does that mean the government has cleared Jake from all non-NSA systems in an attempt to protect him? Whatever. The point is, there's some activity on Jake's credit card. $367.58 worth of activity, in fact, at the Georgetowne Station(e) Bar(e) at 4th and K Streets. Um, no. If the show is going to use an actual location, perhaps the producers should give the actual address of 3125 M Street, which is 3.6 miles from the intersection given. Accuracy, Continuity's sibling, is probably fucking the bartender as I type. Also, If you're curious about Jake's credit rating, his current balance is an even $800.00, his credit limit is $5000, and his last payment was $225.00. He has used his card most recently for a 24 hr video store ($22.50—gads, how many videos must a man rent before he discovers NetFlix?), parking, the dry cleaners, more parking, drug store, pizza, drug store again, and DC BBQ and Grill. Anyway, Fulton now knows where he can find "Jake." "You get on him. NOW," Fulton tells Studly Flunky.
Jake's apartment. Close-up of Sarah's Sex Boots. Will she take Fulton's advice? Sarah tells Jake "having no idea where little kids come from so I just put it on my Christmas list." First of all, "little kids" and not "babies"? That's fucked up. Second, I asked Santa for a little brother. Never got one. Sarah says she just wanted someone to take care of. I am not going to edit that sentence. Jake says Jerry can take care of himself. Sarah brings up the bike story, and Jake tells her it never happened. Jerry was just trying to help. If Jerry was really trying to help, he would have told Jake to do something about his bangs in this scene. They are plastered to his forehead and look terrible. They distract me from Jake's adorkable (TM MissWindy) explanation that Jerry "thought that maybe you'd like me better if--" Diane interrupts and says Jerry was wrong. "I don't need any more reasons to like you, Jake." It takes Jake and the tiny, tiny robots a few beats to process that sentence.
Georgetowne Station(e) Bar(e). Jerry uses the drinks gun and to show off various gun-holding "techniques." Again, no need for details; just my screams of horror should be enough. If that had happened in the days when I served drinks, I would have pinned that jerk to the bar with one knee and sprayed diet cola up his nose. The point of this scene: Studly Flunky sees Jerry bragging and assumes Jerry is Jake. Then again, Fulton's militia have no respect for the government, so perhaps Studly Flunky truly believes this underaged hooligan is a federal agent.
Jake's apartment. Sarah and Jake are drinking a darker wine, so they must have topped off at least one bottle already. Sarah says Jake has a little tomato sauce on the side of his mouth, and she'll "get it." With her lips! Yes sports fans, Sarah kisses Jake. Both of the Sarah/Jake 'shippers must be thrilled. Jake's eyes stay open with surprise at first, but he closes them. There are only two non-French (non-Freedom?) kisses before the phone rings. Jake pulls away, and I still hate his bangs. He trips on the way to the phone (heh) and says "Hello" into the earpiece before switching it. Double heh [Heh heh.] It's Jerry. He's in big trouble. In Little China?
Washington, B.C., streets. A police officer hands Jerry a ticket and also gives one to Jake. Jake's crappy blue car (last seen smoking uselessly in "The Good, the Bad, and the Geeky") is now missing its right headlight. As if borrowing his car without permission and taking his wallet wasn't enough, Jake tries not to commit fratricide as he asks why Jerry used Jake's I.D. after tapping the back of a squad car. Jerry's explanation: Jake has a better driving record and he is "NSA. They should have let you off on professional courtesy." Jake tells Jerry it's time he goes back to school. Jerry says he can't, having dropped out and all. Jake omigods and sits on the hood of his car. Jerry blathers something about making 10K a month with a Web cam, but Jake points out how stupid that is, even for Jerry. Jerry tries to defend himself, but the incredibly poor looping robs him of what little credibility he has. Whoops. Christopher Gorham, as usual, does a great job expressing his anger and exasperation here. Fight fight. You're a nerd. Fight fight. You're an irresponsible thief. Fight fight. Jerry walks away. Jake, still fuming, rips off the driver's side door handle of his car. There might be some zihzihzihzihzuh sound effects here, but the sound is so brief that I can't tell. Maybe just zihzih?
Jerry strolling. Man, I even hate this kid's walk. He passes Studly Flunky and another flunky, who are sitting in an SUV. I'm supposed to believe that they didn't see the confrontation with Jake and Jerry?
Jake's apartment. He's finally cleaning the Kraft Dinner from his floor, using a hand brush and a dustpan. First, anyone who has a hand brush would not leave congealing pasta on the floor for hours. Second, a dustpan? Just use some wet paper towels or something. Jake continues picking up after Jerry, who has used gum or a similar substance to create some sort of collage using CDs and a Popsicle stick. Doesn't that sound like something we'd see on Zoom?
Double wipe to the NSA. Beckett's office. Kyle tells his boss they've decrypted the message, and Fulton's target is Jake Foley.
Deserted side street. Jerry even shuffles like a brat. Studly Flunky and Fulton pull up behind him and get out of the van. Jerry recognizes Studly Flunky from the bar (good eye, kid), and says if it's about that girl... the second flunky throws Jerry up against to hood of the SUV. Yay! Jerry panics that the girl said she was single and completely freaks when Flunky Two pulls a pistol. "WHOA!" Jerry Joey Lawrences, and—amazingly—still continues talking until Flunky Two pistols whips him unconscious. Hurrah! Studly Flunky drags Jerry to the backseat. Luckily for all of us, he then gets in the front seat as Flunky Two drives away.
Jake's apartment. The phone rings. Jake, still pissy, answers with, "What?" It's Lou; Jake needs to come in right away.
Double wipe to Jerry in an industrial room with no furniture. Fulton and his Flunkies (isn't that a band?) enter, and Studly Flunky and Flunky Two each hold one of Jerry's arms. Fulton menaces, "You took my son away from me, Foley," before he punches Jerry in the stomach. Whee! Jerry falls to the ground, and the Flunkies drag him up. Jerry's got a spot of blood on his lip. That's one hell of an arm Fulton's got there, what with causing facial injuries with a shot to the midsection. Fulton knees Jerry in the stomach, and Jerry's voice cracks, "I don't know what you're--" before Fulton pops him in the kisser. Is it wrong to enjoy this beatdown so much? Jerry tries to tell Fulton something, anything, but Flunky Two grabs the gelled mess atop Jerry's head and pulls him back until his neck practically snaps. I am reminded of a similar scene in the Season Two Angel episode "The Trial" when Lindsey grabs a beaten and duct-taped Angel the same way and snarls, "How did you think this would end?" Mmmm... Lindsey. What? Oh yeah. Jerry drops to the ground. Fulton calls Jerry Jake, and Jerry tells them he's not his brother.
Warehouse. Fulton thought Jerry "was a little young." Studly Flunky says Jerry was at the bar "spouting off" and using Jake's I.D. and credit card. Fulton holds up Jerry's driver's license. Studly Flunky ohgods. He takes out his pistol (no, not THAT one) and slides it across a table to Fulton. He apologizes and says, "I failed you." Flunky Two can't believe this shit. Fulton pushes the gun back to Studly Flunky and tells him he didn't fail. In fact, he might have saved Caleb's life.
Hello, Joshua Junior. Jake arrives, wearing a suit jacket over his striped shirt, and asks whats the what. Skerrit is there, which can't be good. They've received a communication from Fulton, and Jake wonders if it has to do with him. Beckett tells him yes, and hands Jake something in a plastic evidence bag. It's Jerry's ticket for "reckless driving, using false identification, damage to city property." For some reason the citation has Jerry's address as 1705 Benton Street, Apt 19, ZIP code 90014. Continuity, are you puking in the alley behind the bar? It's also, apparently, March, as "03/10" is in the upper left hand corner. Then again, this being Canada, it could very well be October 3. Oh, right. Jerry's life is at stake. Fulton wants a trade: Jerry for Caleb. If the NSA refuses, or doesn't release Caleb in an hour, Jerry's a dead wannabe pimp. Jake begins to formulate a plan. Everyone else is silent until Beckett tells him, "The National Security Agency does not negotiate with terrorists." Jake refuses to believe that they're just going to let Jerry swing. Skerrit sympathizes, but there will be no deal. "It only makes it more likely that someone else's brother or sister or father will be taken in the future." Man, Christopher Gorham is breaking my heart here. He conveys anger, sadness, helplessness, and hope as he looks first at Skerrit, who apologizes, and then at Beckett and Kyle, both of whom look pained but say nothing.
Jerry, silent for once, barely conscious on the floor. NSA hallway. Jake follows Beckett and begs her for help. She reminds him of what Skerrit said and adds, "There's nothing I can do. I-I can't go down to Caleb's cell and-and let him out." I think this is the only time we've seen Beckett truly flustered. She stares at Jake. "Do you understand? I can't do that." Jake barely hesitates but Lou stops him and says, "Jake. You have ten minutes. And they're right behind you." Wow. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't Beckett going against her boss's orders and letting Jake commit about a dozen felonies. Jake runs to an elevator.
Jerry. Fulton taunts, "Does your brother love you?" and other crap. Jerry's not so bad when he's quiet and bleeding.
Cell block. A guard leaving the area nods at Jake. Jake looks at the other guard's I.D. badge and YES! There is zihzihzihzihzuh-zooming to see his name is Richard Jensen. I really thought we were going to be stuck with that tinkling. Jake zihzihzihzihzuhs through the computer system to make "ALERT MESSAGE FOR SECURITY GUARD 4251 RICHARD JENSEN" pop up on the screen. "LEVEL 3 BREACH." I immediately think of breaching Lex Luthor. "PROCEED TO SOUTH ENTRANCE IMMEDIATELY." Security Guard Jensen follows orders, and leaves Jake alone with the prisoner. Jake uses the keyboard—which seems a waste of some perfectly good tiny, tiny robots to me—to override the cell access code. He hands his jacket to Caleb (ah, so that's why he was wearing it) and tells him they're getting out of there. Not before, however, Jake zihzihzihzihzuh-rewinds the cell's security cameras to show footage of Caleb alone.
The two men leave the cell, but uh oh! The first security guard is on his way back. Jake zihzihzihzihzuh-breaks the identification panel outside of the holding area to stall the guard. Jake and Caleb take a side door, which doesn't raise an alarm of any sort. Nice security. They're in a stairwell. Jake zihzihzihzihzuhs the cameras away from open areas so he and Caleb can pass through undetected.
Back at the holding area, a tech with a laptops fixes the panel and the outer doors open. "Isn't technology grand?" the guard sarcasms, and he's got the cutest accent. He notices Caleb is missing, runs to the computer station, and actually says, "What the?" as he sees onscreen footage of Caleb pacing the cell.
The same deserted alley where Jerry was kidnapped. Jake and Caleb are in Jake's car. He tells Caleb to call his father. Caleb starts to tell him to shove it, but Jake explains about Jerry and the fact that the NSA is going to be searching for them soon if they aren't already so reach out and touch someone, dammit.
Beckett's office. "Louise," Skerrit says. Heh. He asks her what she knows about Caleb's escape. She says she's on it. "Well, you'd better be." Man, this had better not boomerang back to Beckett. I like her. I also like boomerangs. Secret Warehouse That's Not In Virginia But Is Close Enough For Jake And Caleb To Drive There In A Good Amount Of Time. Then again, maybe it's just their East Coast branch. Nope. Studly Flunky leads Jake and Caleb to the garage we saw near the beginning of the episode. Did Continuity's car break down? I give up. Fulton's greeting to his only son isn't a hug or words of encouragement but "You made it." I love you too, Dad. Caleb admits he was scared, and Fulton retorts, "You're my son. You never ever be afraid of anyone. You understand me?" I'm getting misty. Hand me some tissues, yo. Studly Flunky tells Fulton Jake arrived alone and unarmed. Blah blah Jake is a man of his word blah blah Fulton is a man of his word blah blah. Studly Flunky unlocks a door and Jake rushes into the room to help Jerry. The younger brother leans on the older as Jake notices Fulton's lackeys (lesser entities than flunkies) packing up gear. Jake asks if they're moving on. Fulton claims it's how they survive. Jake says Caleb deserves a life away from this, and Fulton retorts Caleb belongs with his family. Jake zihzihzihzihzuh-hears some NSA agents approaching seconds before a voice announces, "This is the NSA." Jake and Jerry take cover behind a car, and Fulton immediately pushes Caleb to the ground. Gunfire aplenty. One militia lackey is stupid enough to jump on the roof of a car to make himself a better open target. It's the car Jake and Jerry are hiding behind. Stupid Lackey is shot and dies on the roof. Fulton fires a machine gun as Caleb looks horrified. Bang bang. The NSA throws in a smoking canister and there is a small explosion. Another lackey dies and falls on the trunk as still another man dies on the hood. How arty. Kyle, followed by an ops team, yells for everyone to put down their weapons. Studly Flunky is captured. Beckett brings up the rear (hee!) of the team. Jake and Jerry are okay, but Caleb is dead in Fulton's arms. Fulton cries over the loss of his only son as a soldier checks on Jake and Jerry. Um, there's still an automatic weapon within Fulton's reach. Maybe someone should be guarding him?
Beckett's office. Skerrit tells her that they've shut down the militia and arrested Fulton and his men, but Skerrit has people "higher up that he has to answer to. He asks Beckett what he supposed to tell them about the NSA policy to never negotiate with terrorists. Beckett pushes back her chair, stands up, leans forward with her hands on her desk and cools, "Tell them we didn't." Skerrit shakes his head and wryly says, "God Almighty, Beckett. You have bigger ones than I do." Bigger what? No, really, bigger what? Beckett replies the best and only way. "Thank you, sir." HA! Judith Scott rocks.
Jake's apartment. Jerry throws clothes in a duffel bag as Jake asks him about re-enrolling. "Me and the work studies chick in admissions?" Jerry holds up his hands with fingers crossed. "Tight." He and Jake agree on a cover story for their parents. The Foley fellas hug briefly. In the hallway, Jerry asks what Jake does for the NSA. Jake trots out the I'd-tell-you-but-then-I'd-have-to-kill-you nugget, and Jerry pauses, realizing that in this case that line could actually be true. Double wipe. Executive Producer David Greenwalt.
Questions time. Where, exactly, was the Freedom Garage located? Studly Flunky mentioned their "people in Virginia," but it didn't seem to take long for Jake and Caleb to drive there from Washington. Why did Beckett let Jake free Caleb? Was it merely a plot point, or is there a similar situation in her past? How Will Skerritt explain what happened to his supervisors, and how will Beckett's actions look in his report? Why on Earth did Jake not bother to clean up the pasta spill, especially when Sarah was there? I wouldn't be impressed with a guy who left food on the floor.
*embarrassment chills: term coined by my sister. Usually caused by a scene from a movie or television show in which viewers are embarrassed not only for the actors but also with themselves for continuing to watch it (i.e., almost every part of The Blue Lagoon).
© deeablo 2003
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