Author's Note: There are many J/C fanfics which conclude with Janeway and Chakotay announcing their relationship to a pleased crew. But you have to wonder, what does the crew *really* think? For Christine, who's rants about a certain fanfic convention haven't fallen on deaf ears.

Kathryn smiled up at Chakotay and tightened her grip on his arm. She turned to the crew, who were staring back in various stages of disbelief. "We're in love," she announced happily. "We're getting married!"

As the senior staff clustered around the pair, offering congratulations and advice, a small group of junior officers hung back.

"Are we meant to care?" asked Lieutenant Mulchaey.

"I certainly don't," replied Mortimer Harren. It was bad enough, he thought, that the mess hall was so crowded that he had to share table space with a bunch of upper deck morons, but now the captain was sharing the sordid details of her personal life with the crew. And he'd thought that *she*, of all people, would appreciate the monastic purity of mathematics.

"I find it disturbing that she thinks it's important enough that the whole crew has to know," commented Ensign Jenkins as she took another sip of her coffee. "Do you get the feeling that it's her first sexual encounter in seven years?"

A shocked giggle escaped from Tal Celes, but no one disagreed.

"You know," said Crewman Mitchell as he scratched his shaved scalp, "I had this great-aunt, absolutely incorrigible right up to her death. She used to invite the whole family to dinner parties, where she'd regale us with the details of her sex life."

"What happened to her?" asked Mulchaey.

"Have you ever heard of the Vares Resort?" Everyone shook their heads. Mitchell explained, "it's a psychiatric facility on Betazed. *Enormously* expensive. Aunt Maree died there."

"The poor thing," said Celes.

Mitchell laughed and shook his head. "The way I heard of it, she was having affairs with a doctor and at least two patients. And *believe* me, she died happy."

"And this place is expensive?" asked Jenkins.

"Very."

"Then it's a good thing the captain will have a lot of backpay coming to her when we get home."

There were nods of agreement around the table.

"So," said Mulchaey, "do you think the captain went crazy *before* or *after* the Borg alliance?"

Crewman Harren stood up to leave. *He* had work to do, even if others didn't. *Mathematical* theory, not this ridiculous speculation.

Still, he mused as he made his way down to deck 15, it *was* strange that the captain felt the need to share her personal life with everyone. It was no use, he decided. He'd never understand other people.

END

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